The Muse
by Erin Elric
Summary: Castiel Novak, a young art student who is inexperienced in dealing with people and even less experienced when it comes to love. Dean Winchester, a general studies major who is a social butterfly and has bad experiences when it comes to love. What happens when Castiel works up the nerve to ask Dean to be a model in his latest art project?
1. Chapter 1

The Muse

Castiel Novak let out an annoyed huff as he walked towards the living room. He was already running late for class. He looked around the room he had lost his keys and it was only his second day back in Lawrence Kansas. He mumbled curse words under his breath as he balanced his bag with his art materials in it. "Shit!" He shouted. He heard a cough from the door and he looked up at his father.

"Loss something, Castiel?" His dad Chuck asked as he sipped from his mug that read 'world's greatest dad'

Castiel couldn't help but think that this was some cruel prank that Gabriel his middle brother had played on his father but for some reason, Chuck didn't seem to notice or care Castiel wasn't sure which. "I ugh can't find my car keys." He admitted. He tossed around papers and looked all over the table that was in the living room. "How do you find anything in this house?" He shouted at his father who returned his shouts with a shrug. His father Chuck Novak was a messy person. Books and papers were scattered all over the home and tossed about as if it was nothing. Chuck referred to it as his process and Castiel could not understand how his dad could work in such a messy home.

His father looked around the room and walked over to a bowl and picked up a set of keys. "I'll find yours… not sure how they got lost but you can take my car. Okay, Cas."

Castiel crossed the room and took the keys from his father. He nearly prayed every day that this man would learn something that resembled responsibility but given that he was nearing forty he didn't see that happening anytime soon. "Is there gas in the car?" He asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder again.

He gave a shrug. "Uh maybe. It's been a while since I've been out so…" he looked up at the clock. "Man you better go you are going to be late."

He looked at the clock and saw it was nearing ten. He had to go. "Okay, I'll be right back after class."

"I'll be fine Cas. Geez, you worry more than Michael."

"And you don't worry enough." He stated as he headed out the door. Most people would regard his conversations with his father as well disrespectful but Castiel supposed that came from his father's laid back attitude. Why respect someone who didn't respect themselves? He unlocked the door to the old Lincoln and tossed his stuff in the trunk. He started up the car and it let out a loud squeak. He frowned as he backed the car down the driveway and headed towards town.

He sighed again. He had promised his Aunt Amara he would look after Chuck and mend fences. Castiel didn't hate his father he never did but he was never close to the man. It had been years since he had been in Lawrence. His father moved here after his divorce from his mother. Castiel had stayed with his mother along with his brothers until… well until things started to go wrong. He gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles whitened. He bit his lip and suddenly the car made a loud squeaking noise, he almost jumped out of his skin then lights came up on his dash. Panicking he eased to the side of the road. He knew nothing about cars. He saw the battery light and the overheating light come on. He felt panic crawl up his back he knew there was something wrong with the car. "Damnit!" He yelled and smacked the dash which hurt his hand.

He cut the car off and reached for his phone he would have to call his dad for help or find a tow truck. He needed to tell the professor he wasn't going to make it to class either. He patted his pocket no phone, he checked the other and his jacket pocket. Oh no he left his phone at home. He let out a groan and shook his head. Why him? Why now? He was convinced this town hated him every time he was here nothing good happened. He got out of the car ready to cry. He couldn't walk to class it was too far, he couldn't walk home either. Or could he?

He heard the sound of another car ease up behind his car and he looked to see a black car sitting there. It appeared to be a late model car possibly an Impala he wasn't really sure.

A tall thin, well-built man got out of the driver's side. Castiel stared at him. He was struck by his beauty. His face was almost perfect. Castiel felt his mouth almost drop. It was like he was looking at a model or an actor, or a, rt work itself. Like living breathing artwork.

"Car trouble?" The man asked. His voice was deep and gruff. Sexy even if Castiel had to put a word to it. He walked over to him and gave a friendly smile. "I saw you pull over and.., no offense you look a little lost."

Castiel blinked then nodded. "Yes uh… my car made a weird noise and the battery light came on so I pulled over and then it started overheating." The man walked toward the front of the car. "Do you know anything about cars?" He asked

"Yeah, I work on cars at my uncle's shop. Can you pop the hood?"

"Oh uh yeah." He leaned into the driver's side and found the pull for the hood.

The man raised the hood and looked in. "Geez man,"

"Is, is it bad?" He asked and he rushed over to the front of his car.

"Well no but… a lot of your fluids is low." He pointed at the battery. "And that battery has seen better days." He looked at him in a tone that read he was offended for the car.

"It's not mine."

He raised an eyebrow.

"No, I didn't steal it. It's my dad's car. I couldn't find my keys and he loaned me this one."

He nodded and looked back to the car. "You're belts broken."

"Can you fix it?" He asked

"Yeah of course but we need a new belt." He closed the hood.

"Oh…" He hung his head and sighed. "I got class…" He looked at his watch. "Which I already missed the first half." He rubbed his face with his hands. "Ugh!" He cried out in frustration.

The other man gave a smirk. That was the best way that Castiel could describe it. "Well, I can solve your immediate problem."

He raised an eyebrow at the other man. "Huh?"

"I can run us up to the auto parts store, we get your car a belt then we get it back on the road."

He smiled finally something was going right today. "Really? Oh, thank you… ugh."

"Dean," He held out his hand. "My name is Dean Winchester."

He looked at the hand then took it. "Castiel Novak…" he looked into the other man's face and found himself tilting his head in thought. "Name sounds familiar…" he said out loud. He bit his lip in thought then suddenly realized. "Oh, how much is this going to cost?"

He let go of his hand and gave him a small smile. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" He felt uneasy what if this guy was some creeper.

"Yeah we get the belt I'll put it on for free and you promise to get your dad to take this thing to a shop." He patted the roof of the car. "It's a nice car it just needs some TLC."

"So why are you helping me?" He asked as the two of them made it to Dean's car.

He chuckled and to Castiel, it sounded like bells. "Mom always taught me to help those in need." He started up the car and the radio came on playing oldies rock. "She is a very generous woman. She does a lot for the local church, food bank, and shit so she always taught us to help those in need."

Castiel nodded. "Lucky for me then." He still wondered why this man seemed familiar.

"So this is going to sound weird." He looked over at him and Castiel noticed how green his eyes were. So beautiful. Castiel mentally slapped himself he shouldn't be fawning over some guy he just met. "You… I think I met you before."

He tilted his head. "Oh?"

"I thought so… so you don't remember me?"

He looked at him and frowned. "Dean Winchester does sound familiar. But I have moved around a lot I met a lot of people." It was true Castiel felt like he spent most of his life in a suitcase. He rarely settled down. He was bounced from his mom to his grandmother, back to his mom, then to his dad, then to aunt Amara. He never made friends what was the point. He would leave as soon as he made one so he stopped altogether. Couldn't get hurt if you stopped trying to get close.

"I saved you before. From those bullies."

That's when it clicked in his head. He was about fourteen. He was so socially awkward and didn't fit in. The kids at the school picked up on it and started teasing him. Making every day a living hell for him and one day one bully decided that they would try to end him. Public humiliation and… yeah, he remembered the thin teenager (he certainly filled out now) charged in and demanded them to stop. That boy it was Dean wasn't it? He never got the boy's name. He just remembered the boy got in the fight in his place and shortly thereafter Castiel was sent to Amara's. "I remember that… I…"

"Sorry man. I didn't get to introduce myself then." He rubbed the back of his head and smiled weakly. "I just hated that guy and you looked so…"

He hung his head. He was a pathetic mess in high school. A target for bullies. It never ended. He crossed his arms. "I know I'm some sad case."

He shook his head. "No, I mean. Sorry. I didn't mean to bring up the past. So what are you doing back here?"

"My dad… I'm going to the art school here."

"You're an artist?"

He nodded. "And what about you, what do you do?"

He gave a shrug. "Going to college, haven't decided my major yet so yeah. I have been working on cars for money to make my way through college."

"I see." He realized the car turned to a parking lot of a car part place. The two men left the car and got the belt. They headed back to Castiel's car in mostly silence other than the music from the radio.

Dean pulled up behind Castiel's car. He got out and got in the trunk. He pulled out a thing of tools and headed to the other man's car.

Castiel popped the hood and watched the man go to work on his father's clunker of a car. Dean was a beautiful creature and he enjoyed watching him work. His muscles flexing under his shirt, sleeves rolled up showing off just the right amount of arm muscle, when he leaned into the car the collar of his shirt would give just a peek at his chest. He was awestruck. He knew since the latter half of high school that he found himself more attracted to men than women. Not that he ever acted on any of these feelings. People tend not to want to date the socially awkward weirdo, who sits in class and doodles and does fan art for his favorite anime. He bit his lip as he checked out Dean some more. Dean was he was just freaking hot. His mind wondered what would it be like to kiss those lips, run his fingers through that sandy brown hair. He shook his head to clear those thoughts as he felt his dick responding to his thoughts. The last thing he needed was to pitch a tent in front of this guy. He barely knew him.

"There," Dean said he shut the hood and wiped his hands on a towel he had with him. "You're all good now."

"Thanks again, Dean." His heart did a little flip when Dean smiled at him.

"No problem." He gathered his tools. "Just remember to get that thing down to the shop. It's on the corner of third street. Tell Bobby I sent you." He put his tools in his trunk.

"Okay ugh…" He watched Dean head to the driver's side of his car. Oh no, he was going to leave. "Oh ugh wait!" he called and he looked up at him. Eyebrow cocked waiting for him to speak. "Lunch…" He shook his head. "I was thinking maybe you would like to get lunch sometime… so I can repay you for ugh… this… and you know that time in high school."

He nodded and smiled. "Sure uh Castiel…" He laughed. "Can I call you Cas? Castiel is an odd name and ugh…"

"Sure you can."

"Alright, what's your phone number?"

Castiel tells him his number. "I left my phone at home. I was in a hurry this morning."

"Okay, I'll just text you my name so you know it's me. I'll talk to you later." He got in the car and left. He gave him a small wave as he drove by.

Castiel got in his car and headed back home. He wasn't about to take his dad's car to the shop. Chuck could do that himself. He pulled into the driveway and gathered his art stuff and headed into the house.

The house was still a mess and Chuck was sitting on the couch. Still in his robe with his computer on his lap. "Hey, Castiel." He held up his hand. "I found your keys my next novel was on top of it."

Castiel took his keys.

"And I found your phone." He handed him his phone.

"Your car broke down I didn't make it to class."

"Oh, shit really? What did you do?"

"Someone stopped to help me." He unlocked his phone and sent a message to his teacher explaining what happened. "His name was Dean Winchester." He realized he said his name with an emotion he had never heard come from his mouth before.

Chuck raised his eyebrow. "Oh the Winchester kid, they are a nice family." He sat down the laptop. "I see their mom from time to time, talked to their dad too… in ugh…" he blushed. "Never mind. But I never saw the kids."

He bit his lip he figured that his dad most likely met Mr. Winchester at an AA meeting. He wasn't going to judge him at least he was getting help now. Of course, it was almost too late now. "Dean was the one that saved me from that bully."

He frowned and nodded. "Before you went to Amara?" He asked.

He nodded. Castiel may not have caught the name of his guardian angel that day but he wouldn't forget the week that his father gave up on him. He looked at Chuck his heart heavy with bitter feelings.

Chuck focused on his laptop. "I just didn't know what to do…" He whispered to himself

Castiel rolled his eyes and headed to his room. Yeah, he remembered that. The school tried to get Chuck to come and get him and Chuck was too busy drowning himself in booze in a fleeting attempt to write another best seller. His own father didn't come to get him it was Michael who came and got him out of school. The family broke out into a fight again a normal thing for Castiel. First, it was mom fighting with everyone now his father. He had crappy parents for sure. And he remembered his father after him and Michael getting into it. His eldest brother was talking about taking him away and his Aunt had stepped in. He smiled bitterly. His dear Aunt Amara was a lovely woman, she was a child psychologist and Chuck felt she could deal with him better. Next thing Castiel knew he was out of his father's house and living with his aunt. He tightened his hands as he walked into his bedroom. He sat on his bed and opened his phone he texted Dean to tell him he made it home. The professor had emailed him the assignment he had missed.

_Painting prompt: Beauty. What is Beautiful to you?_

He stood up and pulled out his sketch pad and started to draw. His mind drifted to Dean his handsome face, green eyes, lovely voice, pouty lips, and lean muscular body. He kept thinking of Dean as he drew. He spent about thirty minutes on the drawing and immediately could tell he had done something magical. He jumped up and set up the canvas. He started painting. Green, light brown and more green. Bright skies, a figure in the distance and lovely green so much green, a splash of gold. He stood back and looked at the simple drawing of a man surrounded by green and blue sky. He bit his lip. Oh man, he had drawn Dean, well not exactly Dean but he knew that this painting represented Dean. He shook his head had he found his muse? He had struggled to find a muse for his artwork. He was a good artist but his teachers had said he needed a subject matter to focus on. Perhaps Dean was his focus his muse. He smiled to himself he had found his muse at last.


	2. Chapter 2

The Muse

Dean Winchester pulls his Impala into the lot of Bobby's repair shop. The old girl used to be his dad's car. John Winchester had treated better than he did most people, making sure it got oil changes when it needed, fluids changed, he always kept it clean always gleaming in the sunlight despite its black color. He's father gave it to him as a graduation present; it meant the world to him. His dad decided it was time to pass on the old girl and got himself a truck which he claimed was more practical than the car Dean wasn't sure how. _Stairway to Heaven _began to blare through the speakers as he cut the car off. It was time for some work now.

He got out of the car and got his tools and headed to the garage. Bobby was sitting out front in a folding chair soaking in the sun.

"Bout time you got here, son." Bobby greeted with a wave.

Dean and his father worked with Bobby Singer at his garage. Bobby and John had graduated from school together and were always close, best man at his dad's wedding, Godfather to him and Sam, he was like a brother to John. Bobby had been married once but lost his wife to cancer a few years back. They never had any children of their own and babysat him and Sam to cope with the lack of their own kids.

Bobby gave a warm smile to Dean. "So what was her name this time? I know you pulled that knight in the shiny Impala thing today."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. "Well it wasn't a she," He started

He raised an eyebrow. "You stopped for a guy?"

"You should have seen him, Bobby, he was so lost. He was driving his dad's old clunker and I don't even know how he got it that far. It looked like it was about to go at any minute. I stopped when I saw him he looked like he was having a rough, rough day."

He shrugged. "All right so what was his name?"

"Castiel Novak." He stated. He sat down his toolbox on the workbench. There weren't any cars in the garage so pretty much they were playing the waiting game. They either were up to their eyes in oil changes and bumper replacements or bored out of their mind.

"Castiel? What type of name is that? Wait, isn't that Chuck's youngest?"

He nodded. "Yeah, he said he was Chuck's kid. I can barely remember him from my freshman year of high school. He was a… weird awkward thing. A target for bullies, you know. He was only there for maybe a month. I remember I saved him from getting the shit kicked out of him by Seth."

"Seth's a dick." Bobby said with a nod.

Dean laughed. "Yeah and still is from what I hear. So yeah apparently he came back to go to the art school. Oh and I told Cas that he should bring his dad's car by and we will take care of it."

Bobby reached into his cooler and pulled out a beer then handed one to Dean. "Are you giving away business again, son?"

He shrugged when he opened the bottle. "I don't know man. I doubt they got much money so…"

He narrowed his eyes. "This ain't no charity it's a business." He sighed. "Fine if he comes around then you can work on it and charge him whatever but the difference is coming out of your check."

He nodded. "Fine Bobby," He looked around. "Is dad around?"

"Nope, John went home about an hour ago. Hasn't been much business here."

Dean went to say something when he saw the golden Lincoln pull up on the lot. A smile played out on his face one that Bobby caught but remained quiet about it.

The car came to a stop and the door opened. Castiel stepped out of the car. Dean looked at him and took in the view. He was about average height, his hair black as night and messy, he had stubble on his face like he forgot to shave and his eyes blue and piercing. He was attractive, sexy, even though he looked like he didn't really try. His clothes were a little ill-fitting, his eyes a little tired but it added something to him. An almost mysterious quality.

Castiel looked at them and gave a half wave. "Uh hi, I came to get…" He looked at the car. "This… car worked on." Dean noted how he blushed. His voice shook some and went in and out. It sounded like he was very uncomfortable speaking. The dark haired man quickly looked down and took a deep breath.

Bobby looked up at Dean and nodded to Castiel. "Well knight, help the boy with his car."

He smiled at him. "Yeah of course." He walked up to Castiel. "Glad you came. I was worried it would break down on you." He teased.

He blinked a few times then looked away from Dean before he spoke. "I ugh… I went home and… I… got my assignment done so… I figured I would help dad out…" He rubbed the back of his neck and Dean smirked.

"I need the keys." He held out his hand and Castiel dropped the keys in his hand. Dean pulled the old car into the garage. He got it up on the lift with no trouble. He popped the hood of the car and went to work. He checked all the fluids, plugs and even the battery in the car. He felt eyes on him and he peeked over the hood. Castiel stood there and stared at him, his face blank for the most part. He played with his hands like he was uncomfortable. Dean had never seen someone so uncomfortable around people before. He wasn't that bad this morning. Perhaps Dean didn't notice. His family said he wasn't very observant. He walked around the car and looked at Castiel. "This is going to take a while." He looked at Bobby. "We need a battery and an oil filter."

The older man got up with a nod. "Okay," He walked towards the row of cars.

"You don't keep that stuff on hand?" Castiel asked his voice soft.

Dean shook his head as he watched Bobby back out of the lot and leave for the store. "No usually one of us works on the car and the other one goes and gets the parts." He watched as Castiel gave a nod. He walked over to the hydraulic system for the lift and started to raise the car. Now that he remembered Castiel was awkward around him when he asked about lunch. Did he think Dean was attractive? Dean mentally slapped himself. He could hear Sammy now telling him to check his ego. Sam liked to pick on him about how Dean had once thought in high school he could get him any girl he wanted. He bit his lip remembering; he had gotten the girl he wanted. Then he learned very quickly that getting what you wanted wasn't a good thing. He looked at Castiel admiring his blue eyes as he watched the car being lifted up. Dean was well away he swung both ways he just never acted on it like ever. He had found himself attracted to men before but usually, it was just actors. He almost chuckled to himself as he slid under the car to drain the fluids. He barely knew this guy and he should have learned the last time looks aren't everything. He noticed shoes by the side of the car.

"I've never seen under a car before." He heard Castiel say.

"It's not all it's cracked up to be." He said as he got from under the car. "It smells, and it's gross." He said as he held out his hands to show how dirty they were.

"Most good work is dirty." Castiel said. Dean noticed how he had crossed his arms like he was closing himself off. He's body langue read uncomfortable.

"Yeah…" He tried to clean off his hands. "I suppose so." There was a thick silence now. He looked at Castiel and the other man looked down at his feet. He shook his head. Hot or not this would be odd to date this guy.

About that time Bobby returned with everything. He hauled it up to the garage and Dean finished cleaning out the car. He unhooked the battery and dropped in a new one.

"There it should start easier now." Dean said as he smiled at Castiel.

"Good… especially with colder weather coming…" Castiel trailed off.

Dean plugged the drains back in and then filled the fluids back up. While he was filling in the coolant he heard Castiel speak.

"So ugh… how did you get into working on cars?"

Small talk. "Well, you see this shop belongs to my dad and Bobby. They sort of started to teach me how to work on cars when I was younger and… then I decided to help out. The pay isn't glamorous but I got food on the table and a roof over my head."

He nodded. "Interesting."

And that was that. Castiel didn't say anything else he just watched Dean work. Dean finished off and got the car off the lift.

"There ya go. It even sounds better." Dean said as he got out of the car and handed the keys to Castiel.

Castiel took the keys. "Thanks… how much do I owe you?"

Dean's eyes flickered to Bobby who looked back at him and shook his head. "Well…" he tried to figure it out. Batteries alone weren't cheap plus the oil change it was almost about two hundred. He looked at the man who was staring at him with such intensity it made Dean feel uncomfortable. He couldn't get a read on this guy he either didn't make eye contact or he was staring a hole in him. "How about… one twenty?"

"Hundred and twenty?" Castiel asked his head tilted and it reminded Dean of a puppy and he couldn't help but think about how cute it was.

"Yeah ugh give you a discount." He was pretty sure he heard Bobby let out an annoyed sigh.

Castiel nodded and pulled out his wallet. Dean noticed how the wallet looked worn and old and he wondered how often this guy went clothes shopping. He flipped open the wallet and pulled out the money and laid it in Dean's hand. "Dad gave me money for repairs since it is his car and all."

Dean pocketed the money. "Thanks for bringing her here." He patted the car on the hood. "And tell your dad thanks too."

He smiled briefly then looked uneasy. "Th-thank you again for earlier and just now… I know it's your job but…thanks…"

He gave him a wave and turned around and was getting ready to walk back in the garage.

"Ugh… Dean, I was…" Dean looked back at Castiel waiting for him to finish. Castiel opened his mouth a few times then his face turned bright red. "Lunch… tomorrow…"

He raised an eyebrow. "You want to do lunch tomorrow?"

"Yes." He nodded with vigor. "I ugh… would like that."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at noon. You are staying with Chuck right?"

"Ye-yeah."

"Cool my parents live in that neighborhood so I know where he lives."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." He flashed an award- winning smile before he got in the car. Dean was pretty sure his world lit up when he saw that smile.

He watched him pull out of the lot and turn down the road. He shook his head as he began to clean up from the job.

"Dean I'm taking the difference out of your check. That battery alone was one hundred and thirty." Bobby said

"I know." He trashed the rags and walked back to Bobby and picked up his beer he had left. "I just I don't know he seems so… pathetic."

He shook his head. "Dean, Dean you got it bad, son."

He blushed. Bobby was one of the few people that knew about his bisexuality. He was scared to tell his parents they were so traditional, he hadn't even told Sam but Bobby; Bobby was different. He didn't give him judgmental looks, he didn't demand to know if he chose a degree yet, didn't ask him how many kids he was going to have, didn't demand to know what happened between him and Lisa. He gave Bobby a wink as he drank on his beer. "What can I say, I'm a romantic."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure Dean," He polished off the last of his beer. "He seemed a little awkward though." He sat down the empty bottle. "Remember son, looks aren't everything."

He nodded. "I know I learned that lesson once already." He shuttered. The most beautiful girl in the school Lisa Braeden and boy did he ever learn that looks weren't everything. "Besides its just lunch. It's nothing serious."

Bobby smirked. "Well take it slow, okay. Don't go rushing into anything."

He nodded again. "Yeah I know but it's just lunch. He's paying me back for the belt replacement. I'm not going to read too much into it."

"He was staring at you awfully hard." He let out a yawn. "Just don't give it away on the first date; make him work for it."

Dean just laughed and spotted another car pulling up to the garage. "Look lively we got another customer." He went to work but his mind was on Castiel and the lunch he was going to have with him tomorrow. He had to admit it he was looking forward to it; even if Castiel was pretty awkward.


	3. Chapter 3

The Muse

Castiel let out a loud yawn as he stretched in his bed. He never really did get much sleep. He rubbed his tired eyes as he sat up in his bed. He could feel the ghost of a nightmare playing at the back of his mind. He knew it was filled with images of his mother standing over him demanding to know why he was crying as she glared at him cigarette glowing in her mouth. He shuttered as he climbed out of bed. He looked at his clock it was almost ten now. He didn't have class today which he was grateful for. He picked up his phone and saw a test from Dean:

_Still doing lunch today?_

His hand hovered over the keyboard before he answered. He did better in text than he did in person. Talking to people always made him uncomfortable; he felt like they were judging him for not thinking or acting like them. He shook his head and began to type:

_Yes, I have a great place in mind. I look forward to seeing you_

He set the phone down as he went to the closet to dig out some clothes. He was nervous about meeting Dean today. He had decided after he saw him the second time yesterday that he wanted him to model for his art project. He's hand hovered on the blue button down and he frowned. Would it be weird to ask a guy you barely know to be a model? He didn't know him during his brief time and school and other than their brief conversations they really didn't know each other. For all, he knew Dean would laugh at him. He gripped the shirt in his hand and shook his head. No Dean wouldn't laugh at him he knew it. He pulled out the shirt and got him some black slacks and changed pretty fast. He looked at himself in the mirror and made an attempt to fix his hair. His unruly black hair that he inherited from his dad; although his wasn't curly like his that didn't make it easy to manage. To most people, he knew he looked unkempt but he wasn't too worried about it. He laid it down flat and looked at his beard and decided to keep it and shave it later. He sprayed on some cologne and headed his way downstairs to the kitchen.

He walked past his father's piles of books and papers along the stairs and frowned. Sometime soon he hoped Gabriel and Michael would come over and help him and his father go through this stuff. He stopped in the living room and looked at his dad who was sitting there coffee in hand watching TV.

"Morning Cas." He greeted with a halfhearted wave.

"Morning Dad." He grumbled

Chuck looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. "You look nice what's the occasion?"

He sighed. "Are you implying I usually don't look nice?" He asked as he looked down at himself.

He shrugged. "Well no, just usually you look like you don't care." He pointed at him. "There's a good look for you see you'll go places with a good look."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes father, as people really do care how an artist is dressed. People are going to see my work, not me."

"What if you get a gallery?" He asked with another shrug.

He tilted his head. "Then I guess I'll wear this." He headed into the kitchen and got some coffee. He looked at the boxes and other junk on the floor and let out an annoyed sigh. He headed back into the living room; ready to challenge his dad over the stuff when Chuck said.

"So I think your room is probably too small to be a good studio, I've decided you can have the sunroom."

His mouth snapped closed then opened back up. "The sunroom?"

He gave a small nod. "Yeah, I haven't used it in years. Gabriel is coming by in like a few minutes and he's going to help me clear it out." He looked at his mug and opened his mouth as if to say something else but he didn't.

There was a knock at the door and Castiel opened it. Gabriel was on the other side.

"Hello, little brother," Gabriel said with a smile. He stepped in and gave Castiel a hug. "You look nice, and you're wearing cologne. You got a hot date?"

He pulled away from him. "No, I'm having lunch with a friend… I uh want to ask him to be my model."

"Oh? Cool, I guess." Gabriel moved past him and walked over to the couch. "All right you ready?"

Chuck let out a sigh and sat his coffee mug down. "As I'm going to be."

The three of them headed to the sunroom. Castiel helped them for a bit until he got a text from Dean telling him he was outside. He bid goodbye to them and headed out of the house. The black Impala was there waiting and Castiel could hear the music even from the outside. He opened the door and got in the car.

"Afternoon," Dean said with a smile. "How are you?"

"I uh I'm good." He responded with a nod. This was the part he hated about getting to know people, the getting to know them part. He had a hard time figuring out if people understood his thoughts, or his jokes or even his sarcasm. He always kept to himself afraid if he showed the real Castiel that people would run off screaming.

They drove in silence listening to the music. Castiel watched Dean as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and mouthed the words to the song. He noted how perfect his lips were, full and well-shaped. Good lips.

"What's your favorite band?" Dean asked. Castiel figured he must have gotten tired of the silence.

He sat there thinking. "Uh… well, I like a lot of bands. My music varies from time to time. I like most genres…" He trailed off he felt his face heat up.

"Name some bands then?"

He frowned. He hated being on the spot. "Uh…" He didn't get to answer when Dean said.

"I forgot to ask what restaurant are we going to?" He asked

"Oh ugh there's this little café by the college I like so… there I guess." He felt his face redden more.

Dean chuckled. "Relax Cas I'm not going to bite."

"W-why do you say that?"

"Because I can hear your voice waver, and crack and man you are so nervous it's making me nervous."

"Sorry." He said so fast it sounded snippy. There was another pause of silence and finally, Castiel cleared his throat and said. "Depeche Mode."

"Bless you?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow

"A band… a band that I like…." He blushed. How was he going to ask this guy to be his model if everything made him so embarrassed?

Dean nodded. "Oh okay. Haven't heard of them, I usually listen to music before 1979." He eased the car into a parking spot at the café.

It was a bit busy there given that it was noon time but Castiel knew they could probably find a good seat. He led Dean into the restaurant and found a booth for them closer to the back so he wouldn't have to worry about the other patrons. They ordered their food and they sat in silence again.

"So… Dean… I'm sure you want to know why I asked you to lunch."

Dean shrugged. "No, I figured you were paying me back for the car thing."

"Well that's part of it but…" He looked at his hands and looked up at Dean. He looked into those green eyes and could see the other man's unease. "I… now this isn't easy to ask and it's a bit odd." He noticed Dean's eyebrow rise so he acted fast. "I want you to be my model." Dean looked at him his jaw dropped in confusion.

"Model? You want me to model for you?"

He nodded. "Yes see you have a perfect face and you would be interesting to paint and I would love to capture you in one of my artworks." Creepy Castiel that was creepy as fuck. He felt his face burn hot as Dean looked at him with his mouth half open.

"Me?" he pointed at himself. "I'm not… I'm perfect." Castiel noticed how red his face got and he looked away. "So… will… will I have to be naked?"

He felt his eyebrows shoot up. "N-no! No nudity I don't do work like that. Clothes on nothing weird. It's for my final I need to work on it now to perfect it…"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah okay I'll be your model."

He smiled so wide his face hurt a little. "Oh good, I am so glad to hear it." He clapped his hand together. "You won't regret it I promise."

He smirked at him. "Well, I hope not."

Their food arrived and the two them made small talk around their burgers. For once Castiel didn't really mind. He realized he enjoyed Dean's company and was looking forward to having him model.

"So when do you want to start this gig?" Dean asked

"Umm how about tomorrow?" He hoped the sunroom was cleared out by then. Compared to most of the house it wasn't that bad.

"All right just how about after three. I work at the garage tomorrow."

He nodded. "Sure." Defiantly by then, they would have that room cleared out.

They finished their food and the two of them left the café. Dean took Castiel back to his dad's place.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Dean said. Castiel could pick up a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"I ugh… look forward to it, Dean." Castiel said. The other man gave a smile as he backed the car out of the driveway then headed down the road. He headed into the house to find Gabriel and Chuck sitting on the couch.

Gabriel looked back at him. He had a box on his lap and the two of them were sorting it. "Oh look at you with a smile on your face. It's a good look, Cassie." Gabriel teased.

"Huh?" he asked he felt his face get hot.

Gabriel smiled brighter. "Seen the guy in the Impala drop you off, who was that? A boyfriend? Gasp, does Cassie have his first boyfriend?"

He shook his head. "No Gabe, just a friend kind of… I asked him to be my model for my final project."

"Oh yeah, the portrait. That thing is due isn't due for a while though is it?"

"I wanted to get a jump on it." Castiel said. He sat down in a chair beside the couch and picked up a box and started to go through it.

"You going to have him do it naked?"

"No!" He screamed and Chuck yelled. "Gabriel! Stop it!"

Gabriel laughed. "You two are such sticks in the mud. I swear I think I was adopted." He elbowed Chuck with a laugh.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Nope trust me. I was there all nine months and the delivery you are not adopted."

Castiel gave a small laugh as he continued to sort through the box. He was still smiling he really was looking forward to tomorrow and to having his own art space to work in.


	4. Chapter 4

The Muse

Dean arrived at work right on time. Bobby was there already working.

"Hey son, your dad is doing supply runs today. I need you to help me with these oil changes." Bobby said nodding to one car then the next one in line. "A busy day today."

He nods and starts helping Bobby on the car.

"So how did the date go?" The older man asked as he pulled out the oil filter

"Wasn't a date Bobby. It went fine I guess. He's just kind of a weird guy." He shrugged. "Guess that's to be expected since he's an artist."

Bobby laughed. "Okay, Dean. So nothing happened? Because you have been looking uncomfortable since you came in."

He sighed. "Well, he asked me to be his model for his art and-"

"Model? Oh my God does he want you to pose nude?"

"No! Well, at least he said no… I hope not. Rather not have my naked body immortalized on canvas." He blushed. Not that he wouldn't mind Cas seeing him naked he just wasn't ready for it to happen.

He nodded. "Okay." He gestured for a new filter and Dean handed it to him. "When you start?"

"Tonight…" He trailed off blush burning on his face. "After work."

He smiled. "Well don't let it distract you from this job. Get that other car up and start draining it."

Dean went on to work on the next car. Time passed by pretty fast as his day flew by about lunchtime John Winchester arrived with food for all of them.

"I got burgers and beer." He announced as he climbed out his large truck

Dean thanked him as he took his bag. It had been a while since he saw his dad. He's dad intimated him. He was always afraid of letting him down. He always wished he was like Sam and he could act how he wanted and not worry about his parents thought about him.

"Dean," John started. "Your mother is doing dinner tonight. You going to come?"

He bit his lip. The Winchesters usually had large dinners on Sunday a tradition they carried on from their parents. Dean didn't really like them. Most of the time he felt like he was under the microscope. At the last dinner they kept asking about his school work and if he had a degree decided yet, or a girlfriend. He shuttered at that last one. Geez his family all the time: _What happened to that nice girl Lisa?_

"I won't be able to go, dad." Dean said

"Why?" He asked and took a big bite of his burger

"I… I have plans…" He looked away from his father

"Plans?" He asked. He smiled brightly. "Oh, you got a date?" He slapped him on his back. "It's about time son. I'm sure she's great."

"No." He shook his head. "There's this friend they are an artist and they asked me to model." He covered the fact for the moment that the artist was a guy. He could only imagine if his dad assumed like Bobby that he was modeling naked especially for a male artist.

"Oh?" He laughed. "Well, they must be something to get you to model. I didn't even think you could sit still for five seconds let alone an hour."

Dean hadn't thought of that. Oh no, would he have to remain still for an hour or more for this painting? He sipped his soda in unease and finished up his burger. He went back to work and was wishing he had asked Cas about it. Oh man. This would be awful.

Dean wrapped up his day fairly early. He gave Cas a text to tell him he was on his way. He changed out of his work clothes and got in the Impala and headed towards Cas's place. He drove by his parents' place and felt a wave of guilt as he went by. He could bail on Cas and say he had a family thing. It wasn't a complete lie. He hesitated and thought of it. If he went to dinner then he had to deal with the intrusive questions. Plus he had just told his dad he wasn't coming and he didn't want to have to explain why he bailed on the artist. He shook his head and continued on to the Novak house.

The house was in the same neighborhood but was far enough away from his folks that they probably didn't even know who lived there just that the Novaks lived in the area. He pulled the car into the driveway behind a blue Camry that Dean assumed was Cas's actual car. He got out of his and looked back at Chuck's old Lincoln. For a hunk of junk, it was almost a nice car but the Camry fitted Cas better in his opinion.

"Hey."

He looked up to see Castiel standing on the porch. The dark haired man gave him a half wave. Dean returned the wave. "Hey there Cas."

The other man came down the old wooden porch stairs that creaked under his weight. Dean wondered when was the last time the house had gotten some repairs as it was in rough shape. Peeling paint, cracked wooden stairs, and a bush that had grown out of hand. He noticed Castiel look at the house in shame. He sighed and fiddled with his hands. "Dad… dad's been… busy so he's been letting somethings go. That's why I'm living with him." He kicked a stair. "To help fix it up." He kept fiddling with his hand and Dean noted it must be something he did when he was nervous. "Ummm my art studio is in the back." He nodded to the back of the house.

Dean felt unease. He hoped he wasn't going to take him to a shed and kill him or something. He followed Castiel to the back of the house and noticed it was a large sunroom. "Nice."

Castiel smiled. "Dad paid extra for this… so he could get sunlight even on cold and rainy days. He said the sun helped him write." He unlocked the back door and headed in.

Dean noted that the sunroom was attached to a kitchen. The windows looked pretty dirty and he couldn't see in as the blinds were pulled shut. He wondered how bad the house was on the inside. He looked at Castiel who was sitting up a sketch pad on the table. "Your dad is a writer right?"

He nodded. "Y-yeah… You can stand there," He pointed at a chair. "Well sit actually, and take off your jacket."

He took off his jacket and sat down on the chair. "So how long am I going to have to sit here?" Nervousness welled up within him. What if he had to sit here for hours?

"Ummm… probably about twenty minutes… I'll let you take breaks since this is your first time." He pulled out a few pencils. "I'm actually going to rough sketch… to start out… so I can see if I can…" he tilted his head. "Draw you."

He smiled. "Yeah, I guess no point in having a model if you can't draw them."

"Yes indeed. I need to make sure I capture you're…" He bit his lip. "Beaut- erm looks."

Dean blushed. He was pretty sure this Cas guy almost called him beautiful. "How do you want me to pose?'

Castiel looked at him then at the pad. He ran his hands through his hair messing up his dark locks. He walked over to him. "Look like this." He placed his hand under his chin and tilted Dean's head up some. "Like that and… look forward…"

"Like at you?"

He nodded and ran back over to the pad and started drawing.

Dean had never felt so self-conscious in his life. He was on display for Castiel. He watched the man draw trying to focus on that so his eyes remained in one place. His brain kept reminding him that he was staring but he told himself that it was for a good cause. Castiel was fascinating to watch. He would look up at him with his deep blue eyes and Dean wondered if they ever created a paint that could capture that color. He watched Castiel as he would hold his hands up as if framing him, then looking at the paper again before drawing. His black hair would fall in his face and he would push it out of the way. Dean realized that his hair always looked messy because Cas kept messing with it. It was cute. He looked up at him, his black hair, dark lashes framing blue eyes and nice tan skin; it was a good view and if Dean had to stare at him while he worked then at least he had something to look at.

"Okay, Dean you can breathe."

Dean blinked. "Huh?"

"Take a break. You looked like you were holding your breath." Castiel sat down his pencil and stood up and stretched

Dear God. Dean watched him stretch his shirt rising ever so slightly showing off enough of his stomach to get his imagination going. He looked over the little bit of black hair that slipped into his pants leading to his happy place, Dean spotted the orange band of his underwear and tried to stop himself thinking about Castiel in nothing but his orange boxers and a smile. "I… ugh…"

Castiel stopped stretching and fixed his shirt. "You can move you've been sitting there for almost forty minutes."

"Oh I… oh…" He stood up trying to get himself to stop mentally undressing Castiel. "So…"

Castiel let out a small yawn. "I didn't answer earlier…" He fiddled with his hands. "About my dad's writing he… have you heard of the Supernatural novels?"

"I'm not a big reader. Is it a popular series?" He stretched his arm. He could feel it now how he had been sitting in one spot.

"Well… kind of… but not really as much as it used to be." He walked around a little to stretch his legs. "It's a long- running series. There are a lot of people who write the books now since dad…" He trailed off and looked away.

"I think it's cool to have a writer for a dad. Mine's just a mechanic." And a bastard but he's not going to add that part out loud. A little too early in this relationship to be throwing out his daddy issues a conversation for another time. "I'd be proud of him."

He frowned and shrugged. "It's different when it's your dad." He wrapped his arms around himself.

"So… is it just you and your dad or?" He couldn't recall there being any other Novaks in school.

"Oh uh… I have two brothers. They are older than me. My oldest brother is Michael and he's a detective and Gabriel he's uh… an uh therapist." He blushed again and looked away. He stared at the ground and mumbled. "And I have an Aunt Amara she's a child psychologist."

"That's a hell of a mix man. I got a younger brother. His name is Sam he is studying law right now."

"Law?" He smiled. "Oh man he and Michael might run into each other one day." He added with a laugh.

"Do they live here in Lawrence?"

"Yes, they both live across town though. Are you close to your brother?"

Dean laughed. "Growing up me and Sam were like this," He said holding up his hand with two fingers together. "We don't see each other much since he started law school." He added. Sadness hit him. He missed Sam at least sometimes Sam would come around but that wasn't the same as seeing him daily.

"I'm sorry to hear that." He looked down at the ground and sighed. "I am sorry," he fiddled with hands again focusing on the sleeve of his shirt. "My people skills are rusty."

"I noticed."

He blushed and Dean regretted his word choices.

"Don't worry about it Cas. I talk a lot I can make it up for both of us." He smiled

Castiel chuckled. "I am trying to get better… my Aunt Amara… suggested I should." He looked at his hands then back at Dean. "Is it working?"

He laughed again. "Better than yesterday, I'm glad you are opening up. You seem like an interesting guy."

He tilted his head. "I have been called a lot of things but never interesting." He rubbed his arm. "Usually people just say I'm weird."

"Well, you are a little weird… kind of stare a bit too much." He teased

"Jerk." He said with a smile. He nodded to the paper. "Okay, Dean let's finish up."

Dean sat back down in the chair. Castiel came over to him and tilted Dean's head just how he wanted it. Dean looked into his blue eyes they were even more intense up close. Man right now, he could just grab him and kiss him. Yeah kiss the hell out of him; push him up against the walls and rock his world. He blushed it had been far too long since he was in an intimate relationship and his thoughts were starting to show that. Yeah, this guy was drop dead gorgeous but geez for all he knew he was straight or asexual or something. He focused on Castiel's lips wondering what it would be like to kiss such full lips when Cas moved away from him.

"Okay hold that pose." Castiel said as he went back to his art

Dean focused on Castiel like before. He really could just scope him up and kiss him. Press him against the wall dig into those dark locks. He'd look at him with those deep blue eyes and moan his name…. Dean mentally frowned. His mind had gone down the rabbit hole of sex. He had to dig himself out of it before he popped a hard one while modeling. Think of baseball. He told himself. Bobby naked anything to get his mind off the current track. One of the things worked as his mind got off of how he wanted to bang Castiel. He wasn't sure how much time had passed when suddenly Castiel said.

"Okay, Dean. I am done for the day." He picked up the pad and walked over to Dean.

Dean blinked he didn't realize he had been sitting there for so long. He popped his neck and stretched. Castiel held out the sketch pad to him a blush forming on his face.

"H-here,"

He looked down at the paper at the drawing. It wasn't too fancy but by god it was good. It was his face; it was so good he almost expected it to talk. "Wow, that's pretty good."

"Really?" He rubbed his arm and took the picture back. "It's just a crude pencil sketch I… didn't capture your eyes."

"Dude this so good it almost looks like a black and white photo." He stood up and realized that he was taller than Castiel. "So your final project…" He started

"Oh yeah… uh, we have to create an art portfolio for the semester an artwork each month. One of them is a portrait and I've never done one before just landscapes and figures in the distance."

"Oh, so that's why you wanted to practice."

He looked at the picture. "I still want to work on it…" He trailed off as he studied the picture then looked up at Dean and went back and forth then shook his head. "I can do better."

"I think it's good."

He shook his head. "No, I need to do better."

He shrugged. "I may not know art. But I know what I like." He tapped the picture in Castiel's hand. "And that is good."

"You're only saying that because it's you."

"No, I mean it. It's good Cas."

He gave a smile small and sat it down. His stomach growled and he blushed

"Hungry?" Dean asked with a laugh

"I haven't eaten in a while." He patted his stomach

He smiled. "All right, how about I take you to dinner?" He bit his lip. Oh shit! That sounded like he just asked him on a date.

Apparently, Castiel didn't think much of it as he looked at him and smiled that award-winning smile that Dean had come to like. "Okay, Dean I'd like that."

The two of them left the sunroom and headed to Dean's car as he had Cas's blocked in. Dean opened the door for Cas who got in.

"I'm wanting some Mexican is that okay?" Dean asked

"Fine by me Dean, I like tacos."

The two of them headed into town and to the restaurant. They rode in silence save for the music. They were seated and ordered their food. Dean watched Castiel as he seemed to stare off into space every once in a while.

"So…" Dean started.

Castiel turned and looked at him head tilted in anticipation of the conversation to be started.

"Uh… you mentioned when I helped you out with your car that you moved around a lot growing up. Where all did you live?" He noticed him flinch when he asked that and he worried he may have crossed a line.

"Oh… I… yeah well…" He stared at his hands then let out a loud sigh. "I figured the town knew about it. I know people gossip. Mom and dad split when I was a baby. I lived with mom well we all did for a while then…" He bit his lip.

"Listen if you don't want to talk about it I won't press the issue."

He sighed. "I bounced around growing up…" He shook his head. "Sorry. I'll tell you about it another time." He sipped on his drink.

"I'm sorry I brought it up I was just curious. Especially since we only went to school together for about a month then you were gone."

He played with his straw wrapper. "Well… after that happened I lived with my Aunt Amara. I mentioned her before,"

"Yeah, she's a child psychologist."

"Yeah," He looked down at the table. "Dad thought… I needed…" He bit his lip again pretty hard. He took in a sharp breath. "He felt that I needed more help than he could cope with so he sent me to live with my aunt."

"Oh." He wasn't sure what to say to that. He felt bad for Castiel. He and John had their differences and troubles but John never pawned him off on another family member to rise. Hell, he couldn't imagine. Castiel probably felt so alone when that happened. "So why come back now?" He wouldn't have come back if John had done that to him; dropped him off at Bobby's and said I can't deal with him.

Castiel rested his chin on his hands with his elbows on the table. "See dad is… sick… he's got his own issues and Amara wanted me to make amends."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

He shrugged. "Don't be it's my life I've gotten used to it."

"Yeah…" He watched Castiel as he almost had folded in on himself. Damn it Dean look what you have done. "Cas,"

He looked up at him with those large blue eyes.

"You are…" He reached out and took his hand. Castiel stared at the hand in shock as if it might bite him. "You are a better man than I am. I could have never forgiven my dad for doing something like that."

His eyes were still on their hands clasped together. "I still haven't forgiven him. I'm working on it." He pulled his hand away from Dean as their food arrived.

The two of them ate and chatted. They talked about favorite shows, and movies and basic general stuff. As they talked Dean couldn't help but smile as he noticed it was easier and easier for Castiel to open up now. He felt a faint tug at his heart a feeling he hadn't felt in a long while not since he first met Lisa. He bit his lip as Castiel talked animatedly about anime and the art style of it and Dean slowly began to realize he likes the guy it's more than just an attraction he actually likes the guy. He likes the guy a whole lot. They wrapped up their meals and Dean drove Castiel home and dropped him off. Dean started his way back to his apartment his mind on Cas his head floating in the clouds. It had been so long since he felt this: the begging of a crush. He frowned to himself. He wasn't exactly looking to jump back in a relationship so soon after his break up with Lisa but maybe Castiel was what he needed. He decided he would talk to Charlie about it tomorrow in class. She was about the only one he truly felt comfortable with talking about these things. Sure Bobby was supportive but he didn't think he was truly ready to tell the man that he had met well a guy. He laughed to himself. Yes, Castiel was truly the first guy that he had developed a crush on. He knew for a while that he found both men and women attractive but he had never acted on the guy angle. He would just check them out or think about how hot an actor was like the dreamboat on Dr. Sexy. He made it to his apartment and he heard his phone go off. He looked to see it was from Castiel:

_Had fun tonight. Looking forward to doing it again._

He smiled and replied with a 'me too' as he walked into his place. He wondered if that was actually a date or not as he sat on his bed. He shook his head as he remembered he still had homework to do. He had to worry about his maybe date with Cas some other time, it was homework time. After he finished his homework, he took a shower and went to bed and dreamed dreams of a blue-eyed man.


	5. Chapter 5

The Muse

Castiel woke up the next day feeling giddy. He felt himself smiling; truly smiling which is something he hasn't done in years. He has class today; he climbed out of bed and headed to the closet and picked his clothes then took a shower. After he got dressed he checked his phone and saw a text from Dean. A wave of nervousness washed over him. Dean had told him when he brought him home he could text him at any time. Castiel felt a light blush he remembered telling Dean that he would like to text him. He opened the text and looked at it:

_Good morning Cas. I have a class today so I probably won't answer often. But please text me back. Like to get to know u ;)_

He read the text and reread it. He felt his face heat up again. Dean wanted to get to know him. And what was with that wink emoji. He licked his lips. He had to admit that he found Dean to be very attractive. That was a large reason he wanted him to model for him but… did Dean want something more? His hands began to get sweaty as he thought about it; he shook his head and texted Dean back.

_Morning. Have class too but I will keep in touch. Like to get to know you too._

He looked at that last line and considered deleting it at least five times before he sent it. His hands trembling he placed the phone in his pocket. Oh man, was he flirting with Dean?

He headed downstairs. He had a bit before class started. He could smell coffee coming from the kitchen. He walked into the living room the TV was on the news but his dad wasn't there. He headed in the kitchen and found his dad sitting at the table. To his dad's credit, the kitchen was looking vastly improved now.

"Morning, Cas," Chuck said holding up a mug. "Look I finally found some more mugs." He tapped the side of the bright blue mug.

Though it wasn't said it was hanging in the air the awkwardness of using the 'world's greatest dad' mug. Castiel gave his dad a nod. "Glad to uh hear it…"

"Yeah…"

Ever the conversationalist the two of them, Castiel wondered if the awkwardness was genetic or not. He remembered his psychology class that discussed nature versus nurture. If people were born that way or it was the way they were raised that made them the way they are. He headed over to the counter to see a new mug tree sitting on it with two other cups there. Castiel selected a red mug and poured himself a cup. He turned and was going to head to the living room but Chuck stopped him.

"Sit with me Cas. It's been a while since anyone has sat at this table." Chuck said pointing at the other chair.

The table in the kitchen had been covered in boxes filled with books and other nonsense. Castiel and Chuck had cleared that out yesterday while he waited for Dean to come over. He sat down on the mix-matched chair which gave a groan of protest as he sat down.

"So uh…" He sat down his coffee mug and looked up at Castiel. "How did the drawing thing go yesterday?"

He sipped his coffee and gave a nod. "It went well I think." The unease was clear in his throat. This was hard for both of them. He was still upset for his dad abandoning him and his dad was unsure of how to talk to him or even deal with him. Castiel often wondered if Chuck truly knew him. To Castiel, the only thing they had in common was their blue eyes and messy hair.

"Cool," He said with a nod. He played with the handle of the mug. "Uh… can I see it?"

He tilted his head. "See what?"

"I want to see the drawing you did." He said with a smile. A proud smile that Castiel didn't think his father had the right to give.

"Sure," He dug into his bag that he brought in the room with him and pulled out his sketch pad. He flipped through it until he got to the picture and he handed it to Chuck.

He took it and looked at it. "Wow, Cas… you're really good."

"I…" He blushed. "I don't know I don't think it is… I didn't capture his eyes the way I wanted."

He looked at the picture again. "I think for a pencil sketch it's pretty good." He looked at the picture and then back at Castiel. "So this is the guy who fixed up the car?"

"Yeah, he is."

He slid the pad back to him. He watched his son look at the picture with a fond expression and then he asked. "Cas… Cas I know you and I have never really connected or talked like… like normal father and sons but…" He looked at the pad then back at him. "And I know you rather I did not ask and if you don't want to tell me then fine… geez, I'm rambling." He rubbed the back of his head then laughed. "Uh, son do you… like this guy?" He bit his lip. "Not that I mean to be nosy and if you don't want to tell me I'm completely cool with that so yeah…"

He looked at his dad and blinked. He hadn't really come out to his family just his aunt. Gabriel had figured it out somehow but that didn't surprise him really. He chewed his lip and sighed before he answered. "Yes, dad… I uh 'like' him." He said using air quotes on the word like.

He smiled and nodded. "That's great Cas… have you ever… dated anyone before?"

He blushed then looked at the clock. "I got to go." He said suddenly and chugged his coffee and got up.

"Sorry Cas I… I'm just trying to get to know you, you know."

"I know dad." He grabbed his bag. "We'll talk later okay." And with that, he headed out of the house and got in his car.

Castiel had a hard time focusing in class. They were drawing a bowl of fruit again. The focus this time was on shading something that Castiel felt he was pretty good at. He stared at his sketch pad and let out a sigh as he shaded a banana. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His art teacher was very laid back; she usually just stood by and let them draw and gave them pointers when needed. She actually didn't care if people texted in class as long as they got their work done. That was her policy. He pulled out his phone and looked down. He found himself hoping it was Dean. Not like he exactly got a lot of texts from people but he'd hate to get worked up and it would be his dad asking for him to get milk or something. He unlocked the phone and it was from Dean:

_Class good? _

He texted him back:

_Shading bananas_

He went to put his phone back in his pocket when it went off again

_Is that code for something lol_

He felt himself blush. Then he noticed the teacher coming along. He pocketed the phone and went back to the shading. He was getting behind. He kept spacing out thinking about Dean and thinking about how he told his dad he liked the guy. A lump formed in his throat. His hand trembled he remembered when his mom had found out. Her reaction wasn't good, to say the least but nothing was good with her. He subconsciously rubbed his face. He could remember when she struck him; he was about seven years old and his mom had asked him if he liked anyone. He could remember telling her he liked a boy in his class named Chris. Chris was nice, Chris would look after Castiel. God; his mother struck him so hard he could remember hitting the floor with a thud. Her screaming at him, him wishing one of his brothers was home to save him from her. He shuttered as he put down his pencil.

"Good job Castiel." His teacher said as she patted his shoulder and kept moving.

Castiel was still in a mental fog though. After that incident with his mother he began to close himself off, he stopped talking to Chris and then Chris's family shortly moved after that anyways when his dad got a new job. Yeah, that happened right before his mother started popping pills and went from being his mother to being a thing that lived in the house with them and Michael had to take on the role of parent.

"Okay, class." The teacher started and pulled Castiel out of his fog. "We are going to try drawing a person later this week; I know this is a bit soon but I think you can handle it you guys are talented or else you wouldn't have gotten here. However, my usual model is having surgery done so I need a volunteer. Anyone know someone who might be interested? If not I can delay it until he recovers."

Castiel felt his hand go up without his permission.

"Castiel do you know someone?"

He felt his voice catch in his throat when he tried to talk. "Umm, I have a friend… he modeled for me recently he did a good job. I can text him and see if he can."

"Good do that and send me an email. Class dismissed." She said.

The room was full of the sounds of people packing up their stuff. Castiel pulled out his phone and went to text Dean:

_No not a euphemism. Real banana real shading_

He set the phone down as he put his pencils away when another text came in:

_Glad you answered I thought I pissed you off._

Castiel smiled and texted back:

_Nope, I like a good dirty joke ;) BTW have a question for you?_

_ Shoot_

_ My class needs a model would you be interested_

_ Sure; as long as it isn't on Wednesday I got class_

_ Thanks :)_

Castiel put his phone away and gathered the rest of his stuff he stopped by the teacher's desk on the way out the door. "Ugh, he said he'll do it as long as it wasn't on Wednesday."

"Good. We'll do it on Thursday. Thanks, Castiel."

"Your… welcome." He gave her a nod then headed out the door. He got in his car and pulled out his phone and told Dean it was on Thursday. He looked back at the last few texts and felt himself blush. Was he flirting with Dean? He sighed he needed advice. He went into his contacts and highlights a name then press dial. He holds his breath as the phone rings a few times finally there is an answer.

"Castiel!" Gabriel answered his voice chipper and joyful. "What's up?" There is a pause and then he said. "Something didn't happen to dad did it?"

"Oh no Gabe dad is fine I think. I ugh called to talk."

"What is it, little brother?"

"I need… your advice or well your opinion on a subject."

"Hmmm, what's the subject?" He asked his tone teasing

Castiel felt his face heat up. Gabriel worked as a therapist, his specialty was a couple's counselor and he claimed to be a sex therapist. The subject made Castiel uncomfortable if he was being honest as Gabe liked to flaunt his sexual experiences where Castiel hadn't even experienced his first kiss yet. "I… met someone and I'm… I want to know if… I'm coming across as flirty…"

"I see. Poor little unsure Cas looking to spread his wings… or maybe his legs."

He frowned. "Gabe don't I… please."

"Say no more. I'm about to go on my lunch. Met me at this diner and I'll help you out." Gabriel gave him the address to the diner.

Castiel started up his car and headed to the diner. Although Gabriel sometimes made him uncomfortable and liked to tease him he knew his older brother would help him out. Gabe was the closest thing he had to a friend really other than Dean. He and Michael had this weird kind of relationship due to the fact he practically raised him. He hated to go to Michael about this stuff as Michael would probably be too serious and overact. He made it to the diner and parked his car beside Gabe's Prius and headed in. There weren't a lot of people in the diner and Gabriel was in the back waiting for him. He approached him and sat down.

"Okay Cas, what's the problem?" He asked sipping his milkshake. Gabriel had a thing for sweets the sweeter the better as far as he was concerned. "I ordered you and me some waffles. Hope you don't mind."

"No, it's fine." He pulled out his phone and the waitress approached and poured him coffee. "At least you got me coffee." He said with a laugh. He opened the texts he had sent Dean and frowned. Now he wasn't sure about telling Gabriel.

"Come on Cas." He held out his hand

"Just… don't make fun of me… okay."

"I won't and if I do you can have my milkshake." He took the phone and read over the texts. His eyebrows slightly raised then a smile played across his face. "Yeah oh yeah," He slid the phone back over to Cas. "You are flirting." He wiggled his eyebrows at him and Castiel blushed

"Oh, I didn't…" He looked at the phone and put it away. "I wasn't sure."

"Your first time isn't it? Since you know…"

He bit his lip. "So you knew?"

"I had my suspicions; Rowena was the one that pointed it out to me… during last Christmas." He laughed and smiled. Rowena was Gabriel's wife, a fiery red hair Scottish woman that opened a new age shop in town. "But yeah… I do remember one of mom's boyfriends calling you a… you know… I don't want to say it it's rude."

He nodded. "Well, at least I didn't spring it on you. Kind of thought you already knew you are very observant about things."

"So is the guy the dude you had lunch with? The one you wanted to be your model?"

He smiled thinking about it. "Yeah…"

"Oh dude, you got it bad. Your all glossy eyed and shit." The waitress brought their food and left. He looked at his brother and asked. "You bang him yet?"

Castiel almost choked on his waffle. "No! God sakes Gabe I didn't even know if I was flirting and you are asking if I slept with him."

He shrugged. "Kids move fast these days." He grinned fondly. "I had a few one-nighters with Rowena before we started dating." He took a bit of his waffle. "If you need any advice on sex just ask."

He blushed again. "I appreciate the offer but I don't think I'll be coming to you about advice on sex." He drank on his coffee. "The thing is though…" He looked at his brother he rubbed his arm working on the courage to speak his mind. "What if he's straight? How do I find out? I don't want to ask him… because what if I upset him and he doesn't want to be my friend afterward?"

"My advice for you little bro is to keep talking to him. Get to know him. Go on a few dates, or not dates or whatever and when you fill a spark then tell him how you feel."

"A spark?"

He nodded. "Oh yeah, you'll know when you feel it." He put down his fork on put his hands together. "Listen relationships are scary when they start. You are never going to truly know how the other person feels unless they tell you. So just remember that you are putting yourself out there and letting him judge you for what you are."

He sighed. "I know… but… what if he doesn't like me?"

He smirked. "Gabe, he clearly likes you in some capacity or else he wouldn't be texting you about nonsense and general conversations. And hey if he isn't into dudes you got a friend outside of this family and that can be a good thing."

"What if he… what if he doesn't like that fact that I like him? What if he runs off?"

"Then you know what, you actually opened up to someone and if you can do it once you can do it again." The waitress came with the bill and he laid some money on the table. "I got to go Cas but be sure to keep me in the loop." He got up from the table.

"Gabe thanks for the advice."

"Of course little bro." he said as he ruffled up his messy hair on the way past him.

Castiel finished off his food and left as well. He went home and spent the night texting Dean about the most trivial of things. He realized letting a little bit of himself slip out in text. Dean seemed to like his sense of humor and his sarcasm. He smiled at his phone he couldn't wait until he saw Dean again. He fell asleep with his phone in his hand thinking of Dean and his beautiful green eyes and sandy brown hair.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This chapter takes place the same day as the pervious one

The Muse

Chapter 6

Dean Winchester was literally walking on air. He walked into his class a smile was on his face. Charlie looked up at him her eyebrow raised in question. "Morning Charlie." He said as he took his seat beside her.

"Good morning Dean, heck of a smile you got on today." She leaned in and whispered. "Did the date go well?"

"It wasn't really a date. But it did go well." He got his textbook out of his bag. "I modeled for him."

She smiled. "So how was that? Was it weird?"

He shook his head. "No, but man," He leaned back and let out a sigh. "You should see this guy work it was… I didn't know it was possible but he made drawing hot." He dug out his pen. "His hair was messy and it was a sexy type of messy, then his eyes were so I didn't know eyes could be that blue and he looked at me and I think my heart melted, then oh girl he stretched and whew it was a nice image to go to bed with." He said with a wink and a grin

"Oooh, Dean's in love." She elbowed him. "So did he say he wanted another date or to draw you again?"

"We had dinner after the drawing. He wants to draw me as part of his art portfolio for his class, and we have been texting since he got up." He pulled his phone out his pocket. "Which reminds me." He sent a text to Cas about how his class was going.

"Dude, you got it bad."

He sighed. "I don't know, I don't think it's anything serious I…" He looked at his phone and saw Cas's reply:

_Shading bananas_

He smirked. "He says they are shading bananas." He sent a text back to him:

_Is that code for something lol_

Charlie saw the text. "Got it bad, Dean." She got out her pen. "Is he your first?"

He looked at her. "My first guy crush? Yes." He looked at the phone and frowned. "Charlie I never have acted on… those feelings before. I mean I know I like both but… I don't know I never met a guy I liked that much before. Usually, I just look at them think they are hot and go on."

She nodded. "Are you ready to get back into dating then Dean?"

He bit his lip. "You mean after Lisa?"

"You were pretty… upset over that."

He sighed. "I don't know if I am ready for a relationship yet. I… I want to feel this one out. I've had my heart broken so many times now…" He looked at the phone; no text from Castiel.

"I know… I'm just worried maybe you are going in too fast."

"I appreciate your concern, Charlie."

"I'm serious Dean; you always go flying into relationships full throttle then bam a broken heart. And don't say it's different because this time it's a guy."

He sighed again and looked at his phone. "I know, I think I pissed him off…" He frowned and sat the phone down. "But I do feel like it's different this time. It's like I'm drawn to him like he's a magnet or something. I just want to know about him like what makes him tick."

She went to say something but their professor came in and started class.

Dean caught himself checking his phone throughout class until Charlie got him to put it away. He had known Charlie for years. The first day of kindergarten she had sat beside him during playtime and informed him they were going to be friends. The two spent a lot of time playing after that, and she even came to his house a few times. He remembered his mother thought they were going to get married one day until he finally told her that she was a lesbian. She was a big time nerd and sometimes he didn't understand what she was talking about. He made a note to ask her about the anime that Castiel was talking about as Dean was clueless.

The class wrapped up and Dean checked his phone to see a text from Castiel:

_No not a euphemism. Real banana real shading_

He let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He was glad he didn't upset the artist. He answered with:

_Glad you answered I thought I pissed you off._

He picked up his book and another text came in:

_Nope, I like a good dirty joke ;) BTW have a question for you?_

He laughed and he answered the text. "Charlie, look," He held up his phone for her.

She smirked. "Well he'd fit right in with us. I thought you said he was a quiet guy."

He shrugged. "Guess he texts better than he talks. You know how some people are." He looked at his phone. "Oh man he wants me to model for his class."

She blinked. "Oh man, what if they make you model with nothing but an apple in your hand?"

He blushed. "Dude I…" he stared at the phone. "What should I do?" Unease washed over. He liked being Castiel's model he didn't want to be a model for everyone. Cas was special.

"You could tell him no."

"Yeah but they need one…" He looked at the phone then licked his lips and answered. "I told him yes, hope I don't have to pose nude."

The two of them left the classroom and headed to their next class.

"Yeah but if you do," Charlie said as she sat down. "At least you'll be showing what you offer." She teased and playfully hit his arm

He just rolled his eyes. The rest of the classes went on without too much excitement. He and Cas texted back and forth throughout the day until Dean got one from his mother inviting him over for dinner. He frowned at the text he got out of Sunday dinner but this time he couldn't come up with another excuse because he knew his parents he kept coming up with excuses they would keep on inviting him. He told her yes as long as there was pie.

Dean's classes ended and he found himself driving towards his parts place. He had an urge to just bail on them and go to Cas's but he wasn't sure what Cas was doing or if Chuck wouldn't mind him just dropping by. He eased the Impala into the driveway beside his dad's truck and his mom's Honda. He got out of the car and sighed; it seemed weird it just being the three of them. He missed Sam; he really hated these family dinners since Sam went to law school. He looked at the phone in his hand and thought of Castiel, he considered calling Sam and shook his head. No he didn't want to bother Sam, Sam was busy with class and he knew it. Plus he was working at this hour. His heart sank for his brother who he knew was toiling away just to make it through school and here he was just attending classes because his mom thought it was a good idea. He sighed. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy class he just didn't seem to know his role in the world. He wasn't like Sam who knew he wanted to be a lawyer. He wondered if Castiel always wanted to be an artist. He'd have to ask him that next time.

He walked up on the stoop of his folk's house. His family home was large and white; his dad inherited it when grandpa Henry passed away. They moved in when Dean was about ten and this house was always nice through it felt sometimes like a museum in their family's honor. Lots of the furniture sitting around belong to his grandparents though his mom had gotten his dad to part with some family belongings. He knocked on the door and shortly it was opened up.

"Dean I'm glad you could make it. We missed you on Sunday." His mom Mary said as she slung her arms around him for a tight hug.

"Yeah sorry I was busy." He walked in the house and could smell the delicious food as soon as he walked in.

"Yes, your father said you were… modeling for someone?" She asked

He followed his mom into the dining room as he saw his father carrying food out on the table. He was aware of what was going on. This was an interrogation about Castiel. This was why he hated family dinners. He could remember after he broke up with Lisa and they kept asking about her. His stomach dropped as he sat down at the table. He wondered what type of shit storm he walked into.

His mom sat down and then his father at the head of the table. "Bobby is on his way." Mary informed them. She looked at Dean and smiled. "So about this modeling thing?"

"What about it?" He asked as he reached for a roll. Mary glared at him and he put it back. They had to wait for Bobby.

"What type of modeling is it?"

"It's a painting I think, a portrait."

There was a knock at the door and John got up and stated. "Probably Bobby."

Mary gave a smile. "You're going to get your portrait painted that's nice." She sipped her wine. Dean shot the glass a dirty look since his father was in AA he felt that his mother shouldn't bring wine around. "You're father said you seemed really excited about the modeling."

"Yeah, I…" He looked up at Bobby and his dad who walked in. "I was pretty excited but nervous."

"So…" Mary started

"Who is this mystery artist anyway?" John asked as he sat down.

Dean sighed. He might as well tell them. Besides, it wasn't like the two of them were dating. "Castiel,"

"Castiel? That's an odd name." Mary said with a frown. "Poor girl has to live with a name like that I hope she goes by Cassie."

Dean went to say something when he's dad jumped in.

"Castiel? Like Castiel Novak? Chuck's kid?" John asked

"Ye-yes sir that's the one." Dean felt his heart rate increase. Oh man, his folks assumed he was dating Castiel. He went to protest and his dad looked at him his face unreadable.

"It's a guy?"

He licked his lips he looked at Bobby who tried to look indifferent during the encounter. "Yeah… Castiel is a guy…"

"Oh," John shook his head. "Well never mind then I thought you had yourself a girlfriend."

"No, we aren't dating just friends." Aren't dating yet. He thought.

Mary laughed. "I'm sorry Dean. We thought maybe you had you a girlfriend again." She reached over and patted his arm

"So I saw Ellen today," Bobby started.

Dean felt a weight being lifted. Thank you, Bobby. He thought as they changed the conversation to something other than Dean's love life. The family talked adamantly about this and that and who they saw last and stories they heard. After the dinner was over Dean excused himself. He bid goodbye to them and headed to his car and Bobby walked out with him.

"Thanks for getting them off my back." He said to Bobby

"You're welcome." He sighed. "Son eventually you will have to tell them. Especially if this gets serious with you and him."

"I mean me and him aren't dating really. We are still just friends."

"Son just promise you will tell them when you two are dating. I don't want to have to keep covering for your ass."

"I promise Bobby." And with that, the two of them headed their own separate ways.

Dean made it back to his apartment. It felt quite as he walked in. He laid down his book bag determined to do some homework. He looked at his phone and smiled he started texting Cas again. He smiled he was looking forward to seeing him again. He licked his lips and wondered if he should just ask the guy out. He shook his head as he remembered how Charlie had pointed out how he dove into relationships too fast. He sighed. She was right, with Lisa he fell head over heels in love with her. Wanted to spend every single moment with her then discovered she was a monster. He wasn't going to do that again even he wanted to. He couldn't toss himself at Cas in hopes he felt the same as him. No, he wasn't doing that again not until he was sure, that he was sure Cas was as great as he thought he was.


	7. Chapter 7

The Muse

Chapter 7

Castiel let out a long sigh. He had found himself counting down the days until Dean modeled for his class. He looked at his phone and sent the man in question a good morning text. He licked his lips as a feeling of nervousness washed over him. He wasn't nervous about Dean at least not today. No today was a whole new animal. He ran his hand through his already messy hair as he looked at himself in the mirror. His father Chuck had invited his older brothers over for breakfast. He tried to fix his hair into some form of presentable but it wasn't working very well. He had seen Gabriel recently but Michael; God he hadn't seen Michael since he told him about his dad's diagnosis. A wave of nausea hit him. It was the day he had found out his father was combating lymphoma. Though the condition was caught early he still had to deal with the medication and possibly chemo treatments and even surgery with his body didn't respond to the treatment.

He let out a sigh. He never wanted this to happen to his father. He would be the first to admit that he wasn't his father's biggest fan but Michael always believed in their father and he never understood how. His parents split before he was even born. They were high school sweethearts and started early when his mom became pregnant with Michael. They got married young at the age of seventeen, had Gabriel shortly after Michael and divorced by the age of twenty-two. Their mother had told him that Chuck was a drunk, a loser, and cold, and that was why they separated. However, despite all the bad, she claimed Michael still stood by their father's side. He always took his side. Castiel tried again to fix his hair and frowned. He had never forgiven his mother for what she had done; she had overdosed his senior year of high school. He never got the chance to process his feelings over it; he couldn't find out why she changed so much nor could he ever tell her off or forgive her.

He smoothed his hair back and left it sticking up everywhere. At least it looked like he tried. He viewed this as a second chance for his father. He may not love him but he at least had to mend fences with him as Amara said. If he didn't get to and his father passed away then it would be a repeat with his mother. He heard his father call his name and he decided it was time to go downstairs.

Castiel headed down and there was a knock at the door. He opened the door to see Michael standing there.

"Castiel," Michael greeted. He slung his arms around his brother and hugged him tightly. "How have you been?"

"I have been okay." He said as his brother let him go. "How about you Mike?"

He gave a shrug. "Can't complain." He smiled. "Dad said your art is going well. I hear you got a… special friend."

He blushed. "Ugh, he is just a friend…" He crossed his arms self-conscious now.

He laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "Well, I hope he's a great guy."

Gabriel appeared at the door. "Oh look at us like some type of family." He said with a laugh. He sniffed the air. "Dude, is dad making pancakes?" He asked

Chuck walked out of the kitchen. Castiel couldn't help but note how tired he's dad was looking now. "Yes, Gabe pancakes… I assume you guys still like pancakes."

"Who the hell doesn't like pancakes?" Gabriel asked with a laugh. He headed into the kitchen area

Michael rolled his eyes. "Gabe, don't eat all of them." He went to the kitchen too.

Castiel looked at Chuck. "A-are you feeling okay? I could have made the food you know."

He gave him a weak smile. "Its fine Cas," He laid his hand on his shoulder. "I just want to cook for you boys before… you know I get worse or…"

He flinched. He hated talking about death. He knew people died all the time but he didn't want to think about it, even if he hadn't worked out his feelings with his dad. "Don't talk like that."

He nodded. "Alright well… let's go eat before they eat it all."

They headed into the kitchen. Michael was getting plates set up and Castiel couldn't help but think of when he was a kid. His eldest brother making sure that he ate. Cooking food and bringing up sandwiches and whatever when Castiel was too depressed to eat.

Michael sat a plate in front of Castiel and gave a small smile. "I assume you like yours more syrup than pancake still?"

Castiel laughed. "Yes, yes I do."

"Sweet tooth it runs in the family," Gabriel said as he stuffed a large portion of pancake in his mouth. "Really good dad."

Michael handed Chuck his plate and sat down to eat as well. "It is nice to get together. As a family." Michael said

"It is Mike it is," Chuck said. He drank on his coffee. "I wanted to thank you guys for helping me out." He set his coffee down and let out a small cough. "I know it wasn't easy to… get to this point. I know…" He looked at his food and frowned. "I know I was a shitty dad. I have known for years. I should have, should have tried harder to get you guys back from your mom but… I was dealing with my own demons. I know it's probably hard to understand everything but I love the three of you." He gave a smile. "I may have created a lot of books but the best thing I made is you guys, and I want you to know it's not your fault. No matter what you were told my drinking was not your fault."

Chuck's words hung heavy in the air. None of them said anything for a few minutes until Gabriel piped up. "Stop talking like your dying dad."

Chuck laughed. "Well, I just want you to know, in case you know." He poked at his food. Chuck hadn't been eating as much now and was losing some weight from his already thin figure.

With the heaviness of Chuck's words in the air, they continued eating in silence. Once they were finished Gabriel picked up the plates and went to wash them. Castiel decided to help him and Michael and Chuck went into the living room. They still had the daunting task today of working on cleaning out their dad's place. During their dad's dark days he stopped cleaning the house and let stuff just accumulate. He wouldn't classify his dad as a hoarder but he was far from organized. He took a dish towel and started drying what Gabriel was cleaning.

"Dad told Mike about Dean." Castiel informed Gabriel as he was drying a plate

He nodded. "Not surprised I mean…" He rinsed off a dish and handed it to him. "We were kind of worried about you."

"Why?" he asked as he sat the plate in the cabinet.

"Well Cas," He handed him a skillet. "Because you had never shown interest in anyone, we were afraid you would die alone or something."

"Gabriel I'm only twenty it's not like I'm an old man."

He shrugged. "Well, we were still worried." He shut off the water. "Did you ask him out yet?"

He shook his head. "No I… I'm still not sure…" He wrapped the towel around his hand. He felt his face heat up.

Gabriel patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it Cas, just focus on building the relationship okay. Wait until you are comfortable."

"Thanks, Gabe for the advice."

He smiled. "And you get it for free. Usually, I charge people for working through their relationship problems. Good thing you're my favorite little brother."

"I'm your only little brother."

"That we know of." He said with a laugh

The two of them joined Michael and Chuck who was going through the contents of a box.

"I found some old baby books." Chuck said with a laugh as he held them up.

Michael looked at him and shook his head. "We were talking while you guys did dishes. We are thinking we should do this once a week. Have a meal as a family. What do you two think?"

"I think it would be great." Gabriel said as he took his baby book from Chuck. "Me and Rowena have a large place we would love to entertain everyone."

Michael looked at Castiel. "Me and Anna have a nice kitchen we haven't used much. What do you think Cas? Does the idea of a family dinner interest you?"

Castiel let out a sigh. "Sure… it would be nice it's not like it's something we really have done before."

Gabriel smirked. "Maybe you can bring Dean."

"Who's Dean?" Michael asked then blinked. "Oh, the model the 'special friend'." He said and used air quotes.

"He's just a friend." Castiel said he felt his face heat up and they laughed. He gave a small smile. It was nice to have them all together like a family. He felt like this was something he had been missing in his life. He sat beside his dad and gave him a warm smile. It was a shame though it took his dad's cancer diagnosis to get them to this point. He hoped they would have plenty of time together to be a family.

It was Thursday before Castiel knew it. Between the two days, there were able to organize the rest of the downstairs space. At least now Dean could come into his house and he wouldn't be embarrassed. Next week they were going to work on the upstairs spaces. Castiel had been living in what was once Michael's old room. Gabriel's old room had turned into a junk room as well as Chuck's old office which used to be a nursey when they were babies. He texted Dean and told him that he was getting ready to come to get him. Today was the day he modeled for their class. He was a little nervous. He hoped that Dean did a good job as he did for him. Castiel dressed quickly and bid goodbye to his father and headed to his car.

He backed out of the driveway and headed to Dean's apartment. Now that he thought about it he had never been in Dean's place. He felt a blush rise to his face he wondered what his place looked like. He parked in front of the apartment and sent a text to Dean telling him he was here. It was a simple building of about ten apartments, five ground level and five at the top level. Dean appeared at the passenger side of the car and gave a knock. He unlocked the car and Dean got in.

"Morning." He said and handed Castiel a cup of coffee. "I made too much coffee so… figured you might want some."

He took it. "Thanks." He said as he took a sip of it. It was flavorful and rich but not too bold. Best coffee he had, had in a while. "Good." He said as he put it in the cup holder and backed the car out of the parking space.

"I'm ugh a little nervous." Dean said as they drove down the road.

"You did fine for me so you shouldn't be nervous."

"They ugh… aren't going to have me wear nothing but a smile right?"

Castiel laughed. "I don't know but I'm sure they won't make you do anything you aren't comfortable with."

The two chit chatted idly and soon they arrived at the art class. The two went in and Castiel soon noticed how fast all the eyes were on Dean. He felt a twinge of jealousy. No, he shouldn't be jealous. These people couldn't help it that Dean was hot. Castiel smiled at him as he went to his station. Dean went to follow him but the teacher stopped him.

"Mr. Winchester take a seat there." She pointed at a chair in the middle of the room.

He nodded and took the chair. The teacher told them the assignment and let them begin drawing.

Castiel started it out with a simple pencil sketch. He was at an advantage as he had drawn the man before. He looked up at him and Dean smiled at him. He couldn't help the smile that played across his face. Dean had one hell of a smile. He continued drawing not paying attention to those around him. He would look up at Dean and noticed the man's eyes were trained on him and just him. He felt himself blush and almost dropped his pencil. Good lord. Being right in Dean Winchester's eyesight was just almost too much. Those green eyes captured his heart and his brain issued the urge to walk up and kiss him. He shook his head he had to focus. Castiel kept drawing and tried not to pay attention to how much he looked at him. Maybe Dean did like him the same way. The class ended for the day as Castiel finished up the picture.

Dean got off the chair and walked up to Castiel. "Dude, my ass fell asleep sitting up there." He stretched and yawned. "Man,that was hard."

He gave a nod as he packed up the last of his stuff. "Yeah but still Dean thanks for doing it."

He smiled. "Of course what are friends for? Plus I got to watch you draw."

"Friends…" He weighed the word on his mouth then let out a sigh. "I don't have a lot of friends. I always tend to just stick with myself…"

"We are friends Cas." Dean patted his shoulder. "So I was thinking maybe we could get dinner or see a movie."

"I would like that, Dean."

He gave him a goofy smile and mumbled. "Alright cool."

The two of them headed back to Castiel's car.

"Do you really like watching me draw?" Castiel asked as he started the car and began driving.

"Yeah ugh… it's interesting…" Castiel was pretty sure he saw him blush but he wasn't sure.

"Really interesting? How?"

"Well, you get this look on your face like… like nothing else in the world matters. It's fascinating."

"First time someone has told me that. I was always told my intense spacing out was creepy."

Dean shook his head. "No you drawing is art itself. You don't have many friends and folks don't admire your process." He frowned. "Lots of people missed out on a great guy then."

He looked over at him as they pulled into the movie theater parking lot. "I'm great?"

"Yeah, Cas man you are great. You're interesting to talk to and you are nice and…" He shook his head. "What movie you want to see?"

"You pick." He said and they got out of the car.

Dean picked a horror movie of some sort not really Castiel's thing but he did let him pick. The two of them sat together in the middle row. Dean got them popcorn and the two was sharing it. However, each time Castiel reached into the bag the two would bump hands. He felt his face blush movie be damned the entertainment here was his almost touching of Dean. He looked at the other man who was focused on the screen. Castiel wondered how far he could take the touching thing before Dean would freak out.

He got the butter off his hand and slowly laid it on Dean's leg. He studied his face and Dean didn't seem to mind or protest. The other man looked at him and gave him a smile before he laid his hand on top of Castiel's and gave it a small squeeze. Castiel jumped and jerked his hand away from the sudden contact.

"Sorry." Castiel murmured.

Dean didn't say anything and the two of them continued to watch the movie and Castiel made a point to keep his hands to himself. He wasn't ready yet. He knew that now it would take him some time to work the nerve to let Dean touch him.

The movie ended and the two had dinner together. Castiel was still embarrassed about jumping when Dean touched him but the other man didn't ask about it so he kept to himself.

"You know I have been wondering for a while." Dean started as he sipped his drink. Castiel's heart leaped in his throat.

"Y-yes?" He asked he fiddled with his napkin bracing for whatever Dean asked.

"Where on Earth did your parents get the name Castiel? Since I meet you it's been bugging me."

He laughed. Here he was worried Dean would ask about what happened in the movies. "Well, my mom wanted to name us after angels. She said that her mom told her she would have 'little angels' so mom decided to name us after angels."

"Okay, well Gabriel and Michael I get but I don't remember there ever being a Castiel in the Bible."

"That's because he's not. My name is a different spelling of the angel Cassiel. He's a post-biblical angel, the name means the speed of God."

He let out a chuckle. "It's still a weird name." He sipped his drink and smiled into his cup. "But I like it. It fits you."

He smiled. "Thank you. I used to… used to get picked on a lot because of my name. She wanted to name me something unique."

"Well, she sure as hell did. So if you don't mind me asking. What happened to your mom?"

"She… she died."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

He opened his mouth. He considered telling Dean of how much his mother hurt him, of how she neglected them, decided pills was more important than them eating, of the dozens of men who came and went out of her life, and how she went from a kind woman to a person with a single-minded purpose of finding her next high. He licked his lips searching for the right words when Dean said.

"Hey man, it's okay. I know it can be hard." He reached out and took Castiel's hand. Castiel's brain shut off for five seconds. "I know family can suck." He smiled bitterly. "If it makes you feel any better my folks aren't saints either. My dad is an alcoholic and my mom is in denial."

Castiel looked at their hands interlocked. He listened to Dean's words and said. "My dad was also an alcoholic… and mom she… took pills. That's how she died she overdosed."

He squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry Cas."

"It's fine she… never mind."

He gave a nod of understanding. "If you ever want to talk about it I'm here." He let go of his hand and their food arrived.

The two ate then left the restaurant. Castiel took Dean to his apartment.

Castiel looked at Dean in hesitation. "Can ugh, I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I want to work more on that picture. I don't feel like I got your eyes right could you come by tomorrow and model again?"

"Yeah sure." He undid his seat belt and stared at Castiel. Castiel felt his face heat up when he was sure Dean was staring at his lips. "I… like spending time with you so…"

"I like spending time with you too." Castiel said.

He gave him a smile and leaned forward. Castiel nearly panicked at the thought that Dean was going to kiss him but he was wrong. Instead, Dean wrapped his arms around him for a hug. Castiel felt his body flinch before he finally relaxed and returned the hug. He could smell Dean's shampoo and aftershave being this close to him. Boy did he smell good.

Dean let him go. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I got class so I'll let you know when I'm done. We have a test and the professor lets us out once we are done." He got out of the car and gave him a wave as he headed up the stairs.

Castiel then remembered how to breathe. He thought for sure Dean was going to kiss him right then and there. Would he enjoy that? He had never been kissed before. He blinked as he watched Dean walked into his apartment. He had an urge to run up the stairs after him. He talked himself out of it. No, he shouldn't chase after him like some type of horny teenager. He started up his car and started to head home. He in all honesty, wasn't sure he wanted from Dean, he wanted a friend but he also wanted more from him. Castiel had never seen a perfectly functioning relationship in his life. He had no idea if there was such a thing or if… if he was even capable of loving Dean. He frowned at himself. There was a real question. Could he love someone like that? Let down his walls enough to let Dean in? He had already let in parts and pieces of Dean but dating well would include more than hand-holding and hugs. He would like to experience those things with Dean but would Dean want the same, and would Dean be bothered by his inexperience. He chewed his lip and pushed those thoughts away. He was trying he could give himself credit for that. And as Gabriel had told him if it didn't work out then well at least he still had a friend.

He made it back home and texted Dean to tell him such and how he was looking forward to tomorrow. Yes, he had tomorrow. Tomorrow he got to spend more time with him. He did want to perfect his drawing of him, but he also liked having him model. He let out a sigh as he walked into the door. Feelings were never easy but he could worry about them another time.

A/N: I did research and seen that they said Cas was based on Cassiel. I don't know if that is true or not but I ran with it.


	8. Chapter 8

The Muse

Chapter 8

Dean felt a small smile play on his lips as he walked into the classroom. Everyone was pouring over their books and notes preparing for the test. He was a bit nervous he probably should have studied more yesterday but his crash course that night should be enough. After all, he had gone over the material a lot the previous week. He took his seat beside Charlie.

"Wow. Test day and you have the biggest grin on your face. You either got the answers in your pocket or you had a hell of a time with your artist boy." She said with a grin

He laughed as he got his stuff out of his bag. "Well me and him did have a good date."

"A date? It was a date? I thought you went to his class to model." She closed her notebook and sat her head on her hand.

"Well… he didn't call it a date. Me and him went to the movies and dinner after the modeling." He placed his trusty pen on the table with a shrug. "Dude told me he doesn't have many friends."

"Since he moved a lot he probably never got the chance too. Good thing he's got you maybe you can get him out of his shell." She put her notebook in her bag then turned quickly around to him. "Wait, has this guy ever been on a date before?"

"I don't know… I… he laid his hand on my leg and I took that as you know an opening."

"What did you do?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nothing serious I just laid my hand on his so that he'd know the message was received."

"And what did he do?"

"Jumped out of his skin."

"Dean,"

He didn't let her finish that thought. "But I held his hand later and he didn't react the same way and I hugged him. I," He rubbed the back of his neck. "I wanted to kiss him. Oh, I wanted to kiss him soooo badly. I restrained myself though…" He let out a puff of air. "Charlie, I'm going to ask him out tonight. I… I can't stand this I want to know what's going on with us. I think the feelings are mutual but… well, I won't know until I try."

"Let me know how it goes, and if it goes well I want to meet him."

The teacher walked into the classroom. Dean gave another sigh he had to focus on this test now. He couldn't disappoint his family with a low score he had to do well. He cleared his mind of Castiel and started his test but in the back of his mind, he was looking forward to later.

Once Dean was done with his test he turned it into his teacher. He was one of the few left as he had taken his time on the test. He walked to his car and sent a text to Castiel to inform him he was on his way over. He waited to make sure he was okay with it before he started driving to his place. Dean turned on his favorite radio station and focused on the classic rock as he drove. When he got near his parents' house he looked at the house to see his mom's car was in the driveway, he considered stopping and talking to her but he knew he was stalling. He felt his throat dry as he saw the Novak house in view. He couldn't believe he was really going to ask Castiel out. His hands got sweaty and he whipped them on his pants. He hadn't been in any form of a relationship since Lisa. He stopped the car before the house and steadied his breathing. Lisa, God she messed him up. He knew it. He frowned as he remembered how much he thought he loved her. How she had promised they would be together forever. High school sweethearts and all, how he blindly followed her out of state after high school, how he isolated himself from his friends and family. His hands shook he knew deep down that was why Bobby and Charlie were worried about him rushing in. He lost himself in relationships he knew that; he fell too fast and too hard, he almost gave up his identity for her. He bit his lip. What if he was doing it again?

He shook his head. No, he would never do that again. He promised Sam, Charlie, and Bobby. He would never get into another near abusive relationship. He took in a deep breath as he convinced himself that Castiel was different. He drove the car up to the house and got out. He walked up on the porch and knocked on the door. His heart thudded in his chest as the door opened. Standing in front of him was a small man with curly dark brown hair and blue eyes.

The blue-eyed man looked at him and blinked before he said. "Oh, you must be Dean." He held out his hand and Dean took it. "I'm Chuck, Chuck Novak."

"Nice to meet you." Dean noticed how small Chuck's hand felt in his. He remembered Castiel had said his dad was sick. "I'm Dean Winchester."

"Oh John's boy?" He asked as he let go of his hand. He stepped back to let Dean in.

Dean looked around briefly. It was a basic home, light on the decorating but that didn't really surprise him. He noticed some boxes sitting around. "Yeah, I'm John and Mary Winchester's son. The eldest." He added with a grin

"I thought so," Chuck said as he sat down. "Excuse the mess. I've been going through my stuff and sending stuff to donations and everything…" He gave a shrug. "Can't take it with you."

He blinked he went to speak when Chuck called out.

"Cas, hey Cas! You're ugh… model is here!"

There was a thump and Dean saw a familiar mop of dark hair come down the stairs.

"Sorry Dean, I must not have heard your car pull in." Castiel said

Dean looked at the two and could see similar features. He wondered what Castiel's mother had looked like. "It's fine Cas. I was… getting to know your dad." He said and gestured to the elder Novak.

Chuck gave Castiel a smile and Dean couldn't help but notice the blush that crept across Castiel's face. "Don't worry about me Cas. I'm going to Gabe's for a while." He got up from the couch and picked up a box.

"No, let me," Castiel said as he took the box from Chuck

"It's just some of his old toys and stuff. It's not even heavy." Chuck said and he picked up his keys. "Oh, Dean thanks for fixing up my car."

"You're welcome," Dean said. He watched the two head to Chuck's car. He could see the worry in Castiel's eyes as he helped his father place the box in the trunk. He couldn't help but smile. He could tell by the way the two were acting that Chuck either knew or thought there was something going on between them. He could appreciate the privacy. His folks would have sat Castiel down and asked him like a million questions. He felt a tingle go up his spin. If this did pan out with Cas he would have to tell his folks.

"Are you ready?"

He jumped when he realized Castiel had come back inside and spoke to him. "Y-yeah I'm ready. Ugh is your dad good to drive?"

He nodded. "He's not so sick he can't drive yet. Plus Gabriel doesn't live too far." He nodded towards the back of the house. "Okay let's go I got everything set up this morning."

The two of them headed back to the sunroom. First thing Dean noticed was a large canvas in the middle of the room.

"Doing an actual painting?" Dean asked as he headed to the chair.

He gave a nod. "Yeah, I…" He looked at the canvas and him. "Figured I could try one."

Dean sat on the chair. "So Cas I…" How was he going to start this? Picking up a date was usually easy but now… he had everything weighing on him. Lisa, telling his family about Cas, meeting Cas's family. His mouth got dry again.

Castiel looked at him. Head cocked slightly blue eyes so bright Dean forgot what words sounded like. "Yes, Dean?"

He blinked to clear his mind. "Did you ugh like yesterday?"

He frowned as he picked up his pencil and began to sketch. "Yes as I said I enjoy spending time with you. Now Dean please hold still."

Dean let out an annoyed sigh. He focused on Cas. Those bright blue eyes, ever messy black hair. Oh, he wanted to run his hands through that hair. He wondered if it was as soft as it looked. He wanted to fix it then mess it up again and those blue eyes… oh, those blue eyes it was like he looked right into his soul. Dean's hands trembled again. He opened his mouth to speak but as soon as he caught Cas's eyes he forgot how to talk again. Like some dumb teenager. For the love of everything he was in his twenties he sure as hell could ask out one guy.

Castiel frowned as if he read his mind. He looked at the picture then back at him. "No…" He mumbled. He crossed the room and got near Dean. He looked into his eyes and at his face. Dean forgot how to breathe this time as he watched Castiel as he studied him. Castiel cocked his head and squinted his eyes and Dean couldn't help but think of how cute it was. He reached out and Dean noted how long his fingers where. He gently laid his hand on his cheek and tilted his head up and all the logical thought shot out of Dean.

Dean's body acted before his mind. His hand shot out and grabbed the back of Castiel's neck. He pulled him in eyes closed, lips parted, but he doesn't reach his lips no he doesn't.

"Ah!" Castiel let out a scream and backed away from Dean he's blue eyes wide enough to almost pass as a plate. "What are you d-doing?" He asked his face was red.

Dean blinked. He closed his mouth and looked at Castiel who looked panic-stricken. "I ugh…" _Wanted to kiss you_. He thought but the words didn't come out. Instead, he stood up. His face was burning hot he was embarrassed hell he was ashamed. "I," He started but when he looked again at Castiel whose face expressed fear and worry Dean gave up. He got up from the chair. "Listen, man," He started. "Clearly we are looking for two different things and it's been nice and all but, yeah, I'm out of here." He turned tail and fled. He practically ran to his car praying that Cas didn't follow him as he unlocked the Impala and got in.

He cranked up the radio and backed out of the driveway. Tears streamed down his face. He messed up bad. Castiel didn't like him at all. He should have known better. He let himself cry as he drove back to his apartment. It was too good to be true. He parked his car and ran up the stairs and went into his small apartment. He flopped on his couch and pulled out his phone and texted Charlie and told her what happened. He let out a sigh as he had finally stopped crying. Now he was angry at himself. Rejection hurt and it wasn't something Dean was used to. He got up off the couch and got a beer from the fridge. He flopped back down on the couch. He ran his hand through his hair and turned on his TV. His heart still ached but he figured after a few drinks he would no longer care about Castiel or what happened. He opened up the cap on his beer and started to drink away his pain.


	9. Chapter 9

The Muse

Chapter 9

Castiel stood in his art studio, his mouth had fallen open after Dean took off. Dean thought they wanted two different things? What did he mean by that? Castiel looked towards the door and his brain finally started to work again.

Dean had tried to kiss him! Castiel's hand reached up to his own lips and lightly touched them noting how chapped they were. Wait why did he? He shook his head. He was in the zone his art zone. He wasn't paying attention to exactly what Dean was doing but when the other man grabbed him he panicked and leaped away.

"No," he said to himself. It had taken him a while to get used to people suddenly reaching out to him. He had learned that it was bad; being grabbed meant a hit Cas. He learned that when his mother's boyfriend got tired of him crying.

_"See that's why you get bullied at school! You're a pussy! Learn to take a hit like a man!"_

He covered his face and a sob escaped his throat. In the back of his mind, he knew Dean wasn't going to hit him but he grabbed him it scared him. He collapsed on the floor his pencil clattered off in the distance. He started sobbing. What had he done? He broke Dean's heart. Dean probably hated him now. And he didn't blame him.

"Stupid Cas, stupid stupid, Cas, don't you ever learn?" He sobbed. He covered his face and continued to berate himself. Anger and self-hate flowed out of his mind as he spoke harsh words about himself over and over. He was like a wounded animal and or an inconsolable child. He had never felt so useless or broken. His sobs became sniffles as he had cried the last of his tears out. He eased himself off the floor his legs still shaky. He looked around he had to get out and get help. He knew this, aunt Amara told him that when he started to feel depressed and his dark feelings rise up he needed to talk to someone.

He staggered out of the sunroom and into the kitchen. He grabbed his keys off the counter. He had to get out of the house; he didn't want to know what he was capable of doing when he was alone.

He walked on autopilot to his car. He looked at his phone and thought about calling Dean but Dean wouldn't want to talk to him, he knew it. He started his car and started towards Gabriel's grateful he didn't live too far from his home. He parked his car behind his father's. He had almost forgotten that his dad had gone to Gabriel's earlier. He got out of the car and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and Rowena was standing there. She gave him a warm and soft smile. "Oh, Castiel, I didn't expect you to come around." Her voice always held a tone of flirtation with it.

Castiel went to speak but words failed. He started to cry again. He covered his face half out of shame and half out of regret.

"Oh dearie, what's wrong?" She asked she laid a hand on his shoulder. "You look awful." She looked over her shoulder. "Gabriel, Chuck, I think I need some help." She led Castiel into the house.

"What happened?" Gabriel all but demanded as he ran up to Castiel. He took his younger brother over to the couch and sat him down.

"I'm uh, going to make some tea." Rowena announced and left to room.

"Cas, are you okay?" Chuck asked. He laid a reassuring hand on his youngest son's leg.

Castiel couldn't stop crying. "Dean, he…" that was all he could get out he couldn't stop crying long enough to even talk.

Gabriel looked at Chuck then back at Castiel. "Cas, its okay, buddy. There's plenty of fish in the sea. I know it sucks to have your heart broken. But hey you tried and you can always be friends with Dean. Unless you know you don't want to."

He let out another sob and rubbed his eyes. "No, I, I didn't ask Dean out. Gabriel," He looked at Chuck and felt his face flush, "He tried to kiss me."

Gabriel blinked and Chuck looked away almost embarrassed. "Well, that's a good thing isn't, it? Whoa wait, he tried? What happened?"

He took a deep breath. Rowena returned from the kitchen with a cup of tea and handed it to Cas. "Thank you."

She nodded. "Of course, it's a special blend it has herbs that are supposed to calm you down. Breath in the aroma as you drink." She said as she sat down

Castiel took a deep breath and inhaled the snit of the tea, it did help some. "Okay," He started, "I got close to him to adjust his face because I didn't like the pose he was in, and he grabbed me and it startled me. I… my body reacted automatically. I think it thought he was going to hit me."

"Why would you think he was going to hit you?" Chuck asked

Both of his sons looked at him. Castiel looked down at the floor and Gabriel sighed before he said. "Listen, dad, I know you don't know everything that happened but… mom had piss poor taste in men. No offense."

Chuck blinked then his eyes widened with understanding. "Cas," He squeezed his son's leg. "Did you get… hit by one of her boyfriends?"

He licked his lips suddenly feeling like he was on the spot. "Yes, dad, she had one who thought… they were making me tougher by hitting me."

Chuck frowned. "I'm so sorry." He looked away from them his shame clear on his face.

Gabriel brought the subject back to Castiel's current problem. "So, why don't you call Dean and explain to him what happened? If he likes you well enough he'll understand."

He hung his head and let out another sigh. "But will he? I mean, he thinks I rejected him."

"You can just call him you know." Gabriel said with a shrug

Castiel nodded. He certainly had calmed down a lot since he first got there. He fished his phone out of his pocket and excuses himself and goes into the kitchen. He scrolled through his contacts. He found Dean's name and called him. The phone rang and rang then went to voicemail. He considered placing an apology there but it didn't seem right. When the message ended he said. "This is Cas. Please call me back I want to talk." He put his phone back in his pocket and walked back into the living room. Everyone was looked up at him. "He didn't answer. I left a voice mail and told him to call me back." He took a seat on the couch.

The night continued with the four of them. Rowena and Gabriel made them a wonderful dinner before they bid them goodnight and left. Chuck left his car there as they needed to take Rowena's to the shop for major repairs. He rode back with Castiel.

Castiel got behind the wheel of his car and started it. He felt a whole lot better than when he first got there. He backed out of the driveway and onto the road.

"Cas," Chuck started

"Yeah?"

"I'm, look it's not going to change anything but I am sorry. I'm a shitty dad and because… because I couldn't deal with my own personal demons you guys suffered and…" He let out a cry. "God, Cas, I'm so fucking sorry." He rubbed his eyes. "I know it doesn't mean much but I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you now."

Castiel was silent. He looked over at his dad and let out a sigh. "Dad, it's going to take some time before I can forgive you. But, I am trying okay." He took his dad's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I want you to understand that. It wasn't all your fault anyway. Not like you could control her."

He gave a nod. "Well, I should have been there…" He shook his head. "I tried Cas; I tried over and over to get you guys back from her. I heard from Mike about how she had stopped feeding you guys, how she was high all the time but the courts wouldn't listen to me. I was the town drunk and she was the poor single mother. I gave up; I'll admit it I did."

"Well, we did get out of there thanks to Michael."

"Yeah, and it was too damn late." He shook his head. "She messed you up, Cas."

They were silent for the rest of the ride. They pulled up to their house and went inside. Castiel checked his phone and there was no message from Dean. He figured maybe he'll contact him the next day and he went upstairs did his homework and went to bed.

However, Dean didn't call him the next day, or the day after that. Castiel was beginning to become depressed. He called Dean, left him unanswered texts anything to get the man to talk to him but he never responded. He let out a loud heavy sigh. He felt useless and unlovable. He wanted to stay in bed and give up. One little mess up wrecked his chance at experiencing his first love. He stared at the canvas in front of him. It was blank like his mind felt. He couldn't come up with anything and this current art project was due soon. He was fine in all his other classwork. Tests on techniques and other artists he passed with flying colors despite his distractions but drawing. He didn't even think he could do something simple. He looked up when Chuck walked into the sunroom turned art studio.

"Cas, man, one artist to another staring at it isn't going to help any. Have you eaten today?"

"I had a pop tart this morning." He grumbled

Chuck walked up to him and laid his hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Cas, I'll make you something to eat."

He nodded and followed his father into the kitchen. They ate in silence Castiel hadn't really felt like talking all that much. His mind was racing. He had a blank canvas and an unfinished portrait of Dean in the art studio. He wasn't sure what to do now. When he finished eating he walked back into the sunroom and stared at the blank canvas. He took his brushes and paint and just started painting. He wasn't sure what exactly what he was painting but he painted it. He gave a sigh when he was done and stood up and tossed his brushes on a nearby table.

"It looks sad." Chuck said from the door.

Castiel gave a nod. "It's because I feel sad." He said his voice hinted at the dark thoughts boiling under his skin.

His father walked up to him and took him into a hug. "Cas, I'm sorry. Maybe, you should move on."

"Maybe." He answered flatly.

"You know, Cas, it breaks my heart to see you this sad. You've done everything you could to reach out to him,"

He looked at his dad his blue eyes wide. "No, I haven't… I know where he works. I can go to the shop and…"

"Do you really think that's a good idea, son?"

He shook his head. "Probably not, but I'm going to try." He marched back into the kitchen and picked up his keys. "He should be at work today."

"Good luck." Chuck called after him as he headed out the door.

Castiel smiled to himself. He felt hopeful as he got into his car. If he could just talk to Dean then everything would be okay. He had to tell him. He had to tell him how he really felt.


	10. Chapter 10

The Muse

Chapter 10

Dean Winchester looked at Charlie as she glared daggers into him.

"So you still haven't talked to him," She nagged. Her eyes narrowed into slits, "Why not, Dean Winchester?"

He shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know, Charlie, maybe because I'm scared, maybe because I'm a wimp, or maybe it's because he rejected me."

She sighed, "Dean, the way you have been talking about this guy clearly there is something going on between you two. I mean I'm no love guru but if someone was to call and text me that much I would hear the person out."

"That's the thing, Charlie, it's been days. He's not going to want to hear what I have to say now." He slammed his hands on the table in frustration and everyone in class looked at him. Ignoring them he continued to talk to Charlie, "I mean, what exactly am I supposed to say? Cas your hot I want to make out with you and I can't control my hormones around you."

"Maybe," She said with a shrug. "I told you to take it slow."

He let out a groan and ran his hands through his hair, "I know, and I didn't I messed up and,"

"It's not too late to fix it, Dean, just talk to the guy okay."

"Yeah," He sounded defeated, "I guess I can but…" He shrugged. "I'll do it after work. Bobby needs me at the shop since dad is off."

She sighed, "Dean," She started.

"No, I'll do it on my lunch break. It'll get done don't worry."

They stopped talking once the teacher came into the classroom. Dean had to admit he had been distracted in class. His notes where terrible, he could barely focus his mind kept drifting back to Castiel. He missed Castiel's company. He was a good friend, he was interesting and different. Castiel drew Dean in like a moth to a flame. He had wanted to know him. Get to know him in every single sense. He wanted to touch him, kiss him, caress him, and screw him until his voice grew hoarse from screaming his name. Dean had suspected he had overreacted. Charlie had suggested that perhaps he caught Castiel off guard and he was starting to think that was correct but, that scared look on his face. If Cas felt the way Dean did then why did he look so scared? He knew Castiel didn't have many friends and he assumed that the man had never had a partner before. Was that the problem? Or did he have some sort of religious hang-ups that Dean didn't know about?

Dean was startled back into his senses when he heard the slamming of books being closed. He looked up from his book and saw that people were getting up. He frowned.

"Weren't you paying attention? The professor dismissed us early so we can study for the test." Charlie said

"Oh, okay," Dean got up from his chair. "Guess I'm off to work."

"Dean, you need to,"

"I'll do it when I'm ready okay, Charlie."

Dean left the classroom in a hurry. He wanted to get away from Charlie. He knew deep down she was right. He should talk to Cas but he just couldn't. He made it to his car and got in. He sent a text to Bobby and told him he was on his way. He stared at the other messages that were left by Cas the days before.

_Dean I'm sorry_

_ Please let me explain_

_ Sorry_

He never heard from him again after that. He opened the messager and his fingers hovered over the keyboard but he backed out and put it away. No, at this point he should talk to him in person. Maybe he should have a meal with him or something.

Dean drove to Bobby's garage. His mind focused on the AC/DC blaring from the radio as he pulled up. Not only had his school work suffered from the Castiel incident so did his work. The last time he worked he made so many mistakes. He forgot to put a pan under a car when he drained the oil, got the wrong tools, and almost didn't tighten down a tire well enough. His mistakes were starting to get dangerous so his father sent him home. He didn't blame John he would have sent himself home if he was in his father's shoes. They had a business to run and Dean making rookie mistakes were not going to help especially if something horrible happened and he got a someone hurt or damaged their car.

He got out of his car and was greeted by Bobby who was sitting in the lawn chair outside of the garage.

"Hey Dean," He waved. "Hope you brought you're a game today."

"I'm going to try, Bobby."

He gave him a nod. "So," He reached into the cooler and got himself a soda and handed one to Dean. "Since your daddy ain't around are we going to talk about what happened?"

Dean sighed as he opened the soda. "I mean, I'd,"

"Son, it's clear something happened. John told me he's worried about you. You've been distant and distracted since the last time you modeled for that boy so I figure it's got something to do with him."

Dean sat in the lawn chair beside Bobby. "Yeah, well, when I was modeling I was… Cas was just so damn sexy. I kept thinking about kissing him and you know that type of stuff. He got close to me when he went to adjust my face and I thought why the hell not and my body reacted faster than my brain. I grabbed him and was going to kiss him but, he freaked out. He jumped away from me like I was made of fire and… well being rejected sucks you know. I got upset told him we clearly want different things and took off. He's tried to call me a bunch and text me but I didn't have the courage to answer him."

"Dean, if you're that upset you should at least talk to the man. How else you going to solve anything?"

He shrugged. "I'm scared, Bobby, what if he tells me that he actually doesn't like me and then what? I'll be heartbroken."

"Dean, he isn't the only person in the world. If it doesn't work then you just move on."

He gave a nod. "I guess, but, I really like this guy I mean, he's so interesting and,"

"Dean, stop gushing over your man crush."

A car pulled in and Dean decided to get to work. Dean's work day went on uneventful him and Bobby were both working hard as many people were getting regular maintenance done today. Dean did his best to focus and he did a good job on it. Time ticked by and Dean wrapped up the last car he was working on. Their day was almost at an end, his cell phone felt heavy in his pocket as he was deciding to call Cas or not. He looked up to see a blue Camry pull onto the lot. It looked a lot like Castiel's car but Camrys were pretty common so there was a chance it was just some local.

The driver's side door opened and stepped out was a man with unruly black hair. He looked at him and those blue captured him. It was Castiel.

"Cas?" Dean breathed. His heart pounded in his chest.

"Hello Dean," Castiel said. He shut the door to his car. He looked at Dean than looked away. He rubbed the back of his head remaining silent leaving the ball in Dean's court.

Dean had a million and one thoughts running through his head; he could grab Cas and kiss him senseless, he could punch him for suddenly showing up, or he could very well talk. He opened his mouth and his response came out, "Hello Dean? That's what you have to say after what happened?"

"I," He looked down at his shoes and sighed. "Please, Dean, don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"I'm the one making this hard? You're the one who jumped away like I tried to bite you!" He snapped. Dean had worked really hard at controlling his anger. He was not doing very well today, however.

Castiel frowned. "Well, you are the one who ignored my messages." He stuck his hands in his pockets, "Listen, Dean, I… I really had planned out what I was going to say. Then you, well you didn't react like I expected."

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't follow your script." He snapped

He rolled his eyes, "Clearly I have made a mistake. I thought we could talk about this like adults." He grabbed the door handle. "But, you don't seem ready to talk." He opened the door.

"Wait! No, don't go please!" Dean begged. He hated to hear himself beg. It made him recall all those times he begged Lisa not to leave him. _"Please, no don't go. I'm sorry I'll do better."_ He bit his lip and frowned. "Look," He pointed to the lawn chairs. "Let's just talk." He got out a soda out of the cooler and offered it to Castiel who took it.

They sat down together; Bobby remained in the office to give them privacy. "I'm sorry." Dean started.

"No, I'm sorry I…" Castiel sighed. "I was so focused on work I didn't notice what you were doing and when you grabbed me, I," He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, "Didn't know what to do."

He frowned. "Haven't you ever been kissed before?" He asked

He shook his head, "No, Dean, I've never been kissed." His face reddened

Dean reached out to him and hesitated. Maybe this was the problem? "Cas, is it okay if I touch you?"

He blushed and gave a nod.

Dean took his hand and squeezed it. "I can't believe you've never been kissed."

"There's a lot you don't know about me. I, I'm not ready to tell you everything yet but… Listen, Dean, I like you a lot."

Dean felt his face burn hot. "You like me?"

He nodded and squeezed his hand. He looked him in the eye and Dean thought his heart stopped. "I didn't act the way I did because I didn't want to, I acted that way because… well…"

"You don't like to be touched?" Dean suggested. He studied Castiel's face as he gave a nod.

"Well, not just that it's… I don't mind I just don't like being touched suddenly."

"So, you want me to ask you first?" He remembered when he hugged him in the car. Castiel was a little stiff and when he laid his hand on his knee he jumped, had Cas been physically abused?

"Yes, but," He blushed, "Can we, well, if we date can we take it slow? I want to be sure… you know before we… physically,"

Dean gave a nod. "Is holding hands and hugging okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Just, you know give me time to warm up to the idea of kissing okay?"

"I can respect that. Sorry, I tried to make a move on you. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay. I'm just glad we talked about it." Castiel got up from his chair. "I have to head home though; I got projects to finish for class and papers to write."

Dean took his hand again and stood up. "Ummm, I have a dumb question," He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled, "Uh, Cas, are we dating now?"

He looked at him and blinked, "I, I'm unsure. I've never 'dated' anyone so are we dating?"

This was going to be harder than he thought. Seriously how was the guy this clueless at times? He laughed, "Do you want to date me, Cas?"

Castiel looked thoughtful then he focused his blue eyes on his green ones. "Yes, I believe so Dean. I missed your company so I would like to try dating." He blushed, "If you want to that is…"

He smiled, "Yeah, Cas, I would. And so you know usually when someone tries to kiss someone else they tend to like them."

He nodded, "I had my suspicions. I'm a pretty likable guy." He winked, "But I do have to go, I'll see you tomorrow? Is that okay?"

"Yeah, Cas, I'd like that. Maybe we can have dinner?"

"Sounds good, Dean, see you tomorrow." And with that, Castiel left.

Dean sunk back into the lawn chair. His mind was spinning. He pinched his arm nope he wasn't dreaming. He heard a sound behind him as Bobby walked back outside.

"How did it go?" Bobby asked

"I think me and him are dating." He said with a laugh, "Yeah we are dating now."

Bobby sat beside him. "So, how are you going to break it to your folks?"

He shook his head. "No, not yet, I'll see how this goes first. No sense in shaking up the status quo then we break up." He shrugged

Bobby gave a smile and patted Dean on the shoulder, "I feel like this thing between you two is going to last a long, long time. Man only gets a stupid look like that on his face when he's in love."

"I wouldn't call it love yet." Dean said.

The day at the garage ended and they headed home. Dean's mind was still racing on his way back to his place. He was dating Cas. It was official. He finally did it, he asked Cas out. Well kind of. He smiled to himself he was looking forward to seeing where their relationship would go. He wondered what awaited them next. Happiness flowed from his heart happiness he hadn't felt in years.


	11. Chapter 11

The Muse

Chapter 11

Castiel smiled to himself as he went back home. He and Dean were together as a couple. His heartbeat increased he could not believe they were finally together. His turned up his music as _I Feel You_ by Depeche Mode blared into the car. He felt so happy so free. He had never felt this way before. It was a fresh and new romance and he liked that idea. He pulled his car into the driveway and he got out of the car. He was nervous about it. Dating people led to things he had never done before. He rubbed his sweaty hands on his pants. Touching Dean, kissing and eventually having sex. He chewed on his lip. He had never been intimate with anyone before and thought of it scared him. He could have very well kissed Dean in that studio but… no, he wanted to work up to it. He wanted it on his terms more than anything. He walked up to the door and opened it.

Chuck looked up at him from the couch. "Oh man, your smiling." He turned around. "Did you ask him out?"

He laughed. "Kind of but, yeah, we are dating now." He rubbed his hand on his shoulder. Next thing he knew, his dad hugged him. "Dad?"

"I'm proud of you boy." He smiled and patted his arm. "It's nice when you have someone in your life like that." He chuckled then he suddenly looked uneasy.

"What's wrong, Dad?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, well you are an adult. I forget that sometimes." He looked over at the couch and gave a heavy sigh. "Cas, let's sit and talk for a minute."

He felt his face heat up as he followed his dad. "Dad, if you are going to give me the talk, I already know about condoms and everything so,"

"No, not about that." They sit down. "You, geez, I should have called everyone over for this… Gabriel is so much better at talking than me."

"Dad, is it about the cancer?"

"Yes, and no, I'm not dying if that's what you think." He waved his hand around. "It's about the house… I… I appreciate you moving in and helping me with everything around here but… son, it's too much to live here."

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"This house to me reminds me of my failed marriage to your mother and everything else… and it's far from the doctor and… you're not home all the time and it's not fair of me to expect you to give up everything for me. I mean, you've done enough. Now don't get upset this was planned for a while now." He sighed and rubbed his hands on his jeans. "I am going to move in with Gabe. You know how they have that apartment above the garage?"

He nodded. He did know about it. Originally he was going to move in there until Amara talked him into moving in with his dad.

"I had made my decision about it then Amara wanted you to move in… I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"What about the house?"

"House is yours, Cas, I was going to sell it but since you are living in it it's yours. I'll keep paying the bills since you aren't working,"

"I can't do that it isn't right."

"Cas, just let me do this okay? I was a shitty dad and I want to take care of you."

"Okay, dad,"

He shrugged. "And when and if you and Dean get serious and you have a place to start out with." He patted him on his shoulder. "Are you going to be all right by yourself?"

Castiel gave him a nod. "Yeah, dad, I think I can manage."

"Good to hear."

Castiel sat in his room he sighed. The house was pretty quiet now. He got off his bed and walked around. No news playing, no typing from his dad's laptop. He sighed again. He understood his dad's reasoning for doing it. Gabe and Rowena worked close to home; since they both owned their own business they had a bit more flexibility with their schedules. He could almost appreciate his dad's decision. If his dad had become worse and he had to actually take care of him, he wasn't sure he could do it. His phone went off in his hand. It had been a few days now since he and Dean became an item.

_So my friend Charlie has told me I can't date you until you met her. How about lunch?_

He stared at the phone and typed out a response. Dean informed him he was on his way so he decided to make himself presentable. Charlie was Dean's dear friend. They had known each other since they were kids he spoke about her often and Castiel at first was jealous until he realized that she liked girls. He put on his best shirt and did his hair to the best of his abilities and ran out the door when Dean told him he was there.

He walked outside to see the Impala in the driveway. He gave a wave and got in the car.

"Hey, baby," Dean patted his hand with affection. "Charlie is going to meet us there."

"Okay."

He backed out of the driveway. "Feel weird living alone?"

"Yes, it actually does. I have never truly lived alone before."

He nodded. "Took me a while to get used to it but I did."

"How long have you lived alone?"

"About not long since I went to school. I was living with," His words died in his mouth and he sighed.

"Living with whom?" Castiel tilted his head. Dean had been pretty silent about his past. Castiel knew bits and pieces of it. Dean graduated high school, left town for a while, and then came back. He didn't know where he moved to or even why he came back. He noticed Dean tighten his hold on the steering wheel. "Sorry,"

"No, don't be." He pulled the car up to the restaurant where they were meeting Charlie. He let out a sigh. "I, I had a girlfriend."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, oh I thought you were…"

"I'm bi," He looked at Castiel

Castiel felt his face redden. "Oh okay." He rubbed his hands together. Was he Dean's first boyfriend? Was Dean just curious? Would Dean toss him out once he experienced gay sex? He chewed on his lip and he felt Dean laid his hand on his.

"I'm sorry. I know you're not supposed to talk about past relationships and… all you need to know is she was a bitch and it's in the past."

He looked at him. "Am I..." question died on his lips.

"Yeah, you're my first guy." A yellow Gremlin pulled up beside them. "That's Charlie. We'll finish this conversation later." He got out of the car and Castiel followed.

"Hey bitches!" Charlie called as she got out of the car. She was a small woman with red hair. She was wearing a Star Wars shirt and jeans. She hugged Dean then looked at Castiel. "Wow, dude, you did good, he's hot."

Castiel felt his face heat up. "Um, I am Castiel." He held out his hand to her and she took it.

"You're as dreamy as Dean said you are." She shook his hand

Dean rolled his eyes. "Charlie," He scolded her and she laughed.

They headed into the restaurant and ordered their food. They made small talk. Charlie was also into anime and they spent an unhealthy amount of time talking about it. Dean sat there smiling at them and Charlie smiled.

"Dude, if you were a chick I'd date you." She said

Castiel laughed. "Do I get your approval?"

She smiled. "Heck ya," She looked at Dean. "I think you should marry him." She winked and Dean blushed.

"Charlie," Dean shook his head. "Last week you told me I was going too fast now you want me to marry him."

She shrugged. "I mean he's a catch." She slurped her soda. "Way better than Lisa." She then almost choked on her drink. "Oh, uh, sorry, Dean."

Castiel eyes roamed over to Dean who was beside him. Lisa? That must have been the ex or did Dean have a girlfriend as well as a boyfriend.

"It's fine Charlie. I told him about her in the car." Dean said

"Oh,"

"Not all of it… I…" He looked down almost ashamed. Castiel wondered what had happened.

They finished their food. Castiel decided he liked Charlie. They left the restaurant and Charlie called.

"We should do this again. Maybe even a double date." She said as she got in her car.

Castiel and Dean got in Dean's car and started back to his house.

"Dean," Castiel started

"No, you have a right to know." He aimed the car the opposite way of his house. "Let's go for a drive and talk." He turned the radio down low.

"Lisa was your ex?"

"Yeah, she was… we met in high school. She moved there shortly after you left. She was popular and pretty and she wanted to date me. We were together throughout all of high school. I thought I was in love. I told everyone that. I didn't realize what was going on… I isolated myself from everyone."

"Why?"

"She got jealous. She didn't want me hanging out with Charlie because she was a girl; she even got jealous when I went to the movies with Sam. I didn't listen to anyone they kept telling me my relationship wasn't healthy but… see mom liked her and I let them convince me that she was the one and… well after graduation, I moved in with her and we left town. She had plans and goals and you know what I had jack with a side of squat. I had no friends, I didn't have a job, I couldn't even go to college I didn't have any financial aid because I was convinced as long as Lisa was happy I didn't need school." He glanced over at Castiel. "I got a job at a fast food restaurant. I worked days and nights, double shifts as she blew through our money faster than it came in. I was miserable. I had no one to turn to I had no one but her. Then… she got pregnant."

Castiel's eyes widen. "What you,"

He shook his head. "Let me finish, Cas, the kid wasn't mine. I… didn't trust her. She kept trying to get me to marry her and she was just acting weird. I snuck around and got into her phone and saw texts from her and other guys. She had been cheating on me. I finally had enough. I wasn't going to get stuck with a woman like that and kid that wasn't mine so I bailed. I came crawling back home after that. I decided then I would go back to school and straighten my life back up."

"Dean, I am sorry that happened to you."

He nodded. "Honestly, Cas, up until I met you I never wanted to date again." He reached out and laid his hand on his leg. "Is this okay?"

"Yes, Dean," He laid his hand on top of his. "Do… do you really want a relationship?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

He looked at him and licked his lips. His voice trembled as he spoke. "I… I was worried that I was… just an experiment or something. Like you were curious and…"

He squeezed his leg. "No, Cas, you're my first boyfriend but this is more than curiosity. I like you a lot and I mean a whole lot. I haven't felt about this about anyone." He confessed.

"More than Lisa?" His voice unsure, Dean had once been in love with this woman and now he decided to change teams afterward. What if he just wanted to get back at her in the worst way possible?

"Of course." He stopped the car and Castiel realized they were in front of his house now. "Cas, I am as serious as I can be." He cupped his face and stared into Castiel's eyes. "I really do like you a lot okay? I hope we can be together for a long time."

Castiel smiled at him. "I hope so too, Dean."

He leaned in then stopped. "Sorry I forgot."

Castiel kissed him on the cheek. "I'm still working my way up to that." He got out of the car and Dean did as well.

"I'll walk you to your door." He rubbed the back of his neck and walked with Castiel up to the door. "I got to go to my parents' place for dinner tonight and I got homework or I'd stick around for a while."

"It's okay, Dean, I have homework too."

Dean held out his arms. "Can I hug you?"

He nodded and Dean wrapped his arms around him. He liked the hug it was nice. "Nice." He murmured in his neck.

Dean laughed and let him go. "See ya, Cas." He stepped off the porch and got into his car.

Castiel watched him drive off before he went inside his house. He gave a sigh the house suddenly felt empty and he wished he had someone there with him. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV. He sighed again. Truly he felt lonely. He sent a text to Dean:

_Miss you_

And he meant every word of it.


	12. Chapter 12

The Muse

Chapter 12

Dean sighed as he put the finishing touches on his essay. He was feeling the end of semester crunch. He had several papers due and he was only going to school part-time. He frowned as he saved the paper. He'd have to finish it later. He closed the laptop and got up and stretched. He had studied for the test and wrote the paper he had to do. All this homework had stopped what could have been a great evening with Castiel and it pissed him off. He popped his neck and walked into the bathroom to get changed. He had the family dinner though. He wanted to skip out but he had promised Bobby he would make an appearance. He selected a nice button down shirt and put on dark wash jeans. He fixed his hair and headed out the door.

He drove up to his parents' house and had the urge again to not go at all. He could just go up to Cas's and see him. He licked his lips. Crashing in on Cas sounded like a good idea. He smirked but he did make a promise and he was a man of his word. He eased his car into the driveway and got out of the car. He walked up to the door and knocked.

There was a sound of shuffling and the door swung open and standing before him was his little brother Sam. "Dean." He said with a grin.

"Sammy!" Dean exclaimed. He walked into the door and slung his arms around his brother. "What are you doing here?" He asked as he tightened the grip on his brother

"My classes wrapped up so I thought I would come in for a visit before the spring semester started." Sam said with a smile

He patted his back. "Did you pass?"

"Of course." He laughed

Sam was about a year younger than him. The two of them were almost joined at the hip the closest of friends the best of brothers growing up. Sam had started school before Dean did as Dean was dealing with the Lisa situation. His brother helped him piece himself back together. He didn't get to speak to him as much as he would have liked to as he was worried about getting in Sam's way. His brother's education was important to him.

"Good to hear, Sammy."

Sam rolled his eyes at the nickname. "So," He looked around the room.

Their mom walked into the room. "Aren't you glad you didn't skip out this time?" She asked Dean with a smile. "Dinner is almost ready."

They headed into the dining room. Bobby was there talking to John about work and the two Winchester boys took a seat beside each other. The side dishes were already on the table and Mary brought out the main dish and sat in the middle of the table. She had prepared a roasted chicken, with mashed potatoes, green beans and, rolls.

The smell of the food reached Dean's nose and his hamburger form lunch seemed like a distant memory.

They all filled their plates and made idle chit chat.

"So how has everything been, Sam?" Mary asked

Sam blushed and took a sip of his drink. To Mary's credit at least she kept the wine away. "Well, classes have gone well. It's all just prelaw stuff the basics and everything now." He rubbed the back of his head. "I met a girl."

"Oh, a girl?" Mary asked with a smile

John gave a nod. "Well good, glad to know you are seeing people after Jess."

Sam frowned and looked away for a second. Jess was a sore subject for him. The two of them started dating in high school after Dean started seeing Lisa. While Dean was away in Lisa-land Jess got into a car accident with a drunk driver. She sadly did not live and it was the catalyst for Sam's interest in law.

"John," Mary hissed as she shot him a dirty look. "So tell us about this new girl."

"Her name is Eileen… she's from Ireland but she came to America when she was really little. She's in my basic classes she's in criminal justice." He picked up his roll and poked at it as if to search his words. "She's uh, deaf."

"Deaf?" Mary asked

"Yeah, she was born deaf."

They nodded then gave each other looks.

Dean patted his brother on the back. "Well if you ask me she's the lucky one she doesn't have to hear you snore."

Sam laughed. "I don't snore that loud."

"We shared a room for half our lives. You snore."

Sam rolled his eyes and looked at his parents.

Mary smirked. "You do, Sam, sorry. But I would like to meet her sometime."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll bring her up and you guys can meet her you'll love her."

Mary looked at Dean. "So, Dean, what about you?"

"What about me?" He asked mouthful of roll

She looked at John then back at Dean. "A girlfriend? Do you have one?"

"Nope." He looked up at them his eye briefly caught with Bobby who was the only one who knew the truth.

Bobby gave him a hard look. A look that said 'tell them' Yeah, like he was going to come out now to his folks.

Mary sighed. "Well, I had hoped you would have married that nice girl," She looked at John. "What was her name?"

"Lisa?" John asked

"Yeah, her."

Dean felt his blood boil. Nice girl his ass. "She wasn't…" He looked at Sam for help then said. "She wasn't right for me, okay?"

John chewed on his roll. "I heard from Mrs. Smith that she saw you around time with that Novak kid."

_Oh shit_. Dean thought. The nosy people of town were starting to talk about him. He felt his face heat up. "Y-yeah?" He asked trying to sound cool.

"You two seem to be good friends." He buttered his roll. "You still modeling for him?"

He nodded. "Yes, sir, I am still modeling for him." He shrugged. "He's an interesting guy so… we've been hanging out."

He looked at him eyes almost knowing as if his working things out. "Friends huh?"

He felt the heat work up his neck again. "Yeah, as I said he's a cool dude."

Evidently, Sam detected his discomfort and changes the subject and asked. "So how's the shop?"

And with that, his relationship with Castiel is forgotten about. Dean silently breathes a sigh of relief. He ate in silence as the family kept talking from one subject to another. Dinner wrapped up and they all parted ways. Sam was staying there for the semester break. He approached Dean before he left. "Hey, let's go out for drinks."

Dean agreed to it. They loaded up in Dean's car. Sam was picked up by Mary earlier that morning and was going to be using her car around town. They headed to the Roadhouse. A somewhat nice bar that was owned by a family friend.

"Sam, Dean!" Ellen greeted as they walked in the door. "I haven't seen you two in forever." She walked around the bar to hug them.

"I've been away for school this is my first day back." Sam said

She eyed Dean. "I know you didn't go anywhere."

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I uh, have been busy."

"You want the usual?" She asked

They nodded and sat at a booth. She soon brought up a locally made beer and went on back to her work. She had a lot of customers in tonight.

Sam sipped his beer and studied Dean. "So,"

"So," Dean started as he sipped his own beer. "Dating a deaf girl?"

"I am, and this is not about me." He looked around. "What's going on with you?"

"Me? What about me?"

"Who's this Novak person and why did you get so red when they brought him up?"

He sighed. He licked his lips. "Sam, I…" He looked around and sighed again. "Sam, he's my boyfriend." Dean had braced himself for the Earth-shattering revelation. Waited for screams for Sam to react but instead, Sam smiled.

"Oh, okay, glad you finally got back out there I was worried Lisa messed you up."

He blinked. "I'm dating a guy and all you got to say is good job?"

He shrugged. "As you said we shared a room for half our lives. I'm well aware that uh, you are… bi." He sipped his beer. "You model for him?"

He nodded and explained the story to Sam. He told him about how he met Cas, how he repaired his car, and how the relationship started.

"So, he's your first guy?"

"Yeah, and he's never dated before." He sipped his beer and blushed. "He's uh, not really comfortable with being touched."

"Mom and dad don't know?"

He shook his head. "But Bobby does. He wants me to tell them. He knew for a while about my… you know… he caught me checking out this guy's ass once at the shop. He told me if I start dating Cas I need to tell them but…" He played with his napkin. "I'm scared."

He shrugged. "Well, they handled me dating a deaf woman so,"

"That's different, Sam, I know mom and dad wouldn't approve."

"Dean, Lawrence is only so big. Eventually, they are going to find out. Someone is going to see you out with this guy and put two and two together. There are probably already rumors. You heard dad right? He was questioning you."

"I know, but you heard his tone. That tone of you better not be sleeping with a dude." He balled up the napkin. "They are judgmental. They would have had me married to Lisa if they could have had their way."

"They mean well, Dean." He polished off his beer. "Can I meet him?"

He nodded. "Of course, Sam, I want you to."

"Good. I still think you should tell mom and dad."

"Well, what if it doesn't work out and I never date another guy again?"

He chuckled. "Dean, I saw how your eyes sparkled when you talked about him. You are in love with him. You didn't even look that happy when you talked about Lisa."

He blushed. "Well, I…"

"He must be a hell of a guy. Does his family know?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I met his dad. He seemed cool."

"You need to at least afford him the same courtesy. You shouldn't leave him as some secret. It'll only end badly."

The two of them talked about their classes and other mundane conversations however, Dean's mind kept going back to what Sam said. Was it really unfair to Cas to hide him from his family? He chewed his lips and wondered what was the best course. He stared at the table. He sighed mentally he decided to seek advice on the subject later. He ordered another beer and took it with glee as he and Sam talked about the latest episodes from their favorite TV shows. He had a feeling Sam and Castiel would get along and he smiled to himself. He was looking forward to the two of them meeting.


	13. Chapter 13

The Muse

Chapter 13

Castiel let out a small sigh as he looked at his painting of Dean. He was putting the finishing touches on it now. His art portfolio was looking fairly good now. He just needed two more pieces for it and he would be done. He smiled as he mixed in the colors for Dean's eyes. His deep green eyes were hard to capture in paint. It felt like nothing captured the colors exactly right. Personally, in Castiel's opinion, Dean had the most beautiful eyes in all of creation. His phone signaled the incoming of a text. He let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He knew it was Dean and he knew what it was about. Dean wanted him to meet his brother Sam today. Castiel was nervous. Dean had talked a lot about his brother Sam and of how much he loved him and how he was one of the greatest people he knew. Dean seemed to think highly of about everyone he knew but Sam seemed to hold an even more special place in his heart. This made Castiel more nervous. What if Sam didn't like him? Then what? Would Dean break up with him over it? He chewed on his lips and picked up his phone. Sure enough, it was Dean telling him when he was going to pick him up for lunch. Castiel looked at the time he had just enough time to get the paint off himself and get ready. He put away his painting materials and covered up the painting.

He washed his hands in the kitchen and headed to his room to select clothes. He struggled to pick something that he felt looked appropriate. If he was this nervous over meeting his brother how was he going to act when he met his parents? He found something suitable and jumped into the shower. He washed off, washed his messy hair, he got out and dried off got dressed and started the fight with his hair. Dean had told him he liked his messy black hair but it bugged Castiel to no end that he could not get his hair into some sort of style. He got his hair to lay back for once and he smiled at himself. With the dress shirt and slacks and hair that didn't look like he had just jumped out of bed, he actually looked like an adult.

He headed downstairs when his phone beeped. He heard the rumble of the Impala long before his phone went off. He made sure the house was good and headed out locking the door on the way out. He gave Dean a wave and Dean returned the wave. He got in the car and smiled at Dean.

"You're awfully dressed up. You got a hot date tonight?" Dean teased

"I uh, wanted to look nice." He folded his hands as Dean started to back the Impala out of the driveway.

"You look nervous."

"Well, I am." He pulled at his shirt sleeve

"Why? It's just Sam. It's no big deal."

"Well, you seem to care a lot about what he thinks and if he doesn't like me,"

"Stop right there," Dean cut him off. "Sam is going to like you. I just know it."

He smiled. "I hope so, Dean."

Dean let out a sigh. "He's going to meet us there. Uh, there is something I want to talk to about before then…"

Castiel could sense the unease come off of Dean. What if Sam doesn't know about him? What if Sam thinks he's meeting a girl? "What is it, Dean?" His voice quivered in worry.

"I… well, I need advice on coming out."

He blinked. "Does Sam not know he's meeting your boyfriend?" Worry flashed through his body.

"No, not that, Sam knows that you're a guy. I need advice on… well; Sam and Bobby say I need to come out to my folks and… I already talked to Charlie about it and I wanted to know what you had to say on it."

He frowned. "Your parents don't know?" Castiel started to feel like a dirty secret. He and Dean had known each other for a while and had been dating for about a month now and Dean's parents didn't even know he was bisexual. Dean had told him he was his first guy but he had assumed at least his parents knew.

"They are… very traditional and… I don't know how to tell them. I wasn't ever going to tell them at first I mean, why should they know I'm not exactly watching some of those Marvel movies for the plot? But, since you know, we are a thing they need to know. How did you tell your family?"

"Well," He started, "I told mom… and she… didn't take it very well. My brothers found out because of the… you know the yelling and everything. Dad just sort of put two and two together apparently he had suspected. So, there wasn't a big to do. It was just accepted that I was attracted to men." He shrugged. "Other than mom they weren't bothered by it."

He sighed. "I wish my parents weren't bothered by it." He gripped his steering wheel and whispered. "It isn't fair to you." And Castiel barely heard it.

"Best you can do Dean is tell them. If they don't like it then they don't."

"I love my parents… I'm scared they will,"

"Disown you?"

He nodded. "I don't know how they will react and it scares me, Cas, it really does."

Castiel reached out and laid his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, I know it's hard but I got your back. You have people who care about you; you have me, Charlie, Sam, and Bobby so even if your parents hate you afterward you still have us."

He took Castiel's hand. "Thank you, Cas."

They pulled into the café parking lot and the two got out of the car. Castiel spotted a very tall man with shaggy brown hair standing by the door.

Dean waved at him. "Hey there, Sammy." He called

Castiel blinked. This tall man was Sam? He tilted his head up to look at him. Sam towered over him. Castiel had never considered himself short before. He was an average height man and Dean was only a few inches taller than him but Sam was a giant compared to him.

The giant smiled at him and held out his hand. "You must be Castiel. I'm Sam."

He took his hand. "H-hi… I uh, Cas…" He blushed. He thought he was getting better at talking but evidently not.

Dean patted Castiel on the shoulder. "Cas is a little shy, Sam."

Sam gave him a warm smile. "It's okay I understand. I use pretty shy in high school." He nodded to Dean. "Dean helped me with that."

"I have… improved some since I met Dean." Castiel admitted. He fiddled with his shirt sleeve. "You can… call me Cas. That's what everyone calls me since my name is weird."

"I like your name. It's pretty cool." Sam said

Dean opened the door to the café and they walked in. He selected a booth for them and they ordered their food.

Castiel was surprised when Sam ordered a salad.

Dean leaned in and whispered in his ear. "The sasquatch is a rabbit."

A smile played across his face and he laughed.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, it wouldn't kill you to eat a salad once in a while."

Castiel orders himself a chicken sandwich and Dean gets a burger.

Sam took a sip of his sparkling water and looked at Castiel. "So, Cas, how did you become an artist?"

Castiel tilted his head. "It's hard to define when. I uh, started drawing when I was little. I didn't realize I was actually that good. When I turned sixteen my brother Michael got me a sketchpad. I kept working at it. I really like anime art so I started doing fanart and… I got good at it." He took a drink. "My aunt Amara saw my talent and suggested I come to this art school since it was close." He felt his face flush. It was hard to talk about himself to strangers. He felt a comforting hand on his leg from Dean.

"I'd like to see your work sometime. Anime is pretty cool. I've been wondering why did you pick Dean as your model?"

Dean shot him a dirty look. "Why not, Sam?" He asked his tone more teasing than anything.

"Your brother is very attractive. When I first saw his face I knew I wanted to capture his beauty."

Sam blinked and he saw Dean blush.

"I'm surprised you are so blunt." Sam said with a laugh

Castiel blushed. "I uh, I am sorry. So, Sam, how did you get into law?"

He frowned and looked at Dean. "Guess Dean didn't tell you?"

Dean shook his head. "No, it's… not my story to tell, man."

The youngest Winchester chewed his lip.

"If it makes you uncomfortable we don't have to talk about it." Castiel felt embarrassed even bringing it up. What if this makes Sam, not like him?

"No, I need to get used to talking about it." Sam rested his elbows on the table. "When I was in high school; I had a girlfriend named Jess. We were… we were in love. We had plans to get married after school. One day she took the family car out to go to the mall and… she got in a wreck with a drunk driver. This guy was totally wasted and he went into oncoming traffic and crashed into her. She didn't live but he did… he went to trail and…" he frowned. "He went to jail but… I remember the prosecutor talking about how there had been many families out there who had lost loved ones because people drink and drive and he talked about getting justice for the families. That inspired me, I wanted to do the same I wanted to get justice for people who were wrong or lost loved ones because of people's stupid mistakes. And that is how I got into law." He sighed.

"Wow, Sam, that is inspiring. I… wish you all the luck in your studies. I feel like my art isn't much of a career compared to that." Castiel said

"Don't say that Cas, good art can inspire people and bring joy." Sam said.

Dean patted Castiel on the leg. "Well, I'm the one sitting here taking general classes with no idea as to what I want to be." He shook his head.

"Something eventually will come along, Dean. Don't worry about it." Sam said

Their food arrived and they continued to talk about school comparing on how their schools were different. They talked about movies and TV. Overall, Castiel thought Sam was a pretty cool guy and he hoped Sam thought the same.

After they finished eating, Sam smiled and said. "I hope we can do that again sometime."

Dean nodded. "It was fun. When is Eileen coming in?"

"Eileen?" Castiel asked with a head tilt

"She's my girlfriend." Sam said with a smile. "She's going to be here later this week. She had some stuff to finish up at home before she came in."

"Can't wait to meet her." Dean said with a smile

Sam nodded and stood up. "I have to go though. I promised mom I would help with some stuff around the house." He laughed. He extended his hand to Castiel. "It was nice meeting you."

Castiel took his hand and shook it. "It was nice meeting you too."

And with that, Sam left the café.

Dean looked over at Castiel and smiled. "Well?"

"Your brother is pretty amazing." He said with a nod. "I like him."

"Well, good." He finished his drink then looked at Castiel. "So, when am I going to meet your brothers?"

He felt his face heat up. "Meet my brothers?"

"Yeah, I seriously want to meet them. Seems fair to me you meet Sam so it's time for me to meet them, right?" He asked with a wink.

He blinked. "I uh, guess so…" He wasn't really sure about it now that he thought about it. Gabriel was a bit on the weird side and loud, and Michael he was so stern. They were way different from Sam.

"You guess? Is this because of the thing with my parents because I,"

"No," He cut him off. "It's just… they aren't like Sam."

He shrugged. "So, from the way, you talked it doesn't sound like they are anything you should be embarrassed about."

He nodded. "Well, Gabe has an odd sense of humor and… Mike doesn't have one… I'll call them tonight and see when they are available and we can set something up."

He smiled. "Okay, Cas, I really want to get to know your family." He stood up and held out his hand for Castiel which he took.

The two of them left the café and drove back to Castiel's in mostly silence. They watched a movie together then Dean went home to do homework and whatever else he had to do. Castiel took out his phone and hesitated on the contact of his brother. Gabriel was most likely off work now. He highlighted the name and called.

"Cas, what's up?" Gabriel asked his voice chipper as usual

"Umm, I have a question."

Gabriel laughed. "Oh do you? How's that boyfriend of yours doing?" His tone teasing.

"Well, it's about Dean." He heard an intake of breath and he said. "No, Gabe, it's not about sex. Dean wants to meet you and Michael. I just meet his brother today and… well; he wants to meet you guys."

"Oh really? That's surprising."

"Why?"

"Sounds like things might be getting serious if you guys are meeting one another's family."

"I wouldn't exactly call it serious I mean… me and him haven't kissed yet." Castiel still wasn't ready for that level of intimacy. Letting someone get that close scared him. He knew once it happened once he got his first kiss the magical moment would be over. He was still working up the nerve to that moment.

"Cas, you clearly like that this guy and that's cool, man. I'll call Michael this evening and see what day works. After all, we are looking forward to meeting your first boyfriend." He chuckled. "Our little late bloomer."

"Gabe." He groaned.

"Nothing to be ashamed of, Cas. Everyone has to start somewhere. You just waited until your twenties and that's fine not everyone is the same."

"I know, Gabe."

"Well, I'll talk to Mike. I'm looking forward to meeting this Dean fella."

"I hope you two like him." Castiel all but whispered

"Yeah, but if you like him he can't be all bad." He laughed. "Because you don't like anyone."

"Gabe."

"Talk to you later, Cas, bye."

"Bye." He heard the click of the phone hanging up. He let out a sigh. He loved Gabriel and all but his teasing sometimes got on Castiel's nerves. He hoped Gabriel wouldn't say anything too embarrassing when he met Dean. He was still a little upset that he was Dean's 'dirty little secret' as it was. He hoped that Dean would tell his family and at least maybe once Dean sees how supportive Castiel's family is he won't be so afraid to do so. He decided to go work on his painting his mind swimming with ideas and thoughts on Dean. His boyfriend meeting his family felt so… serious and right. Even if he and Dean hadn't kissed yet he had a feeling that this was the beginning of something beautiful.


	14. Chapter 14

The Muse

Chapter 14

Dean was working at the shop today. His mind wasn't completely on task, however. His phone practically burned in his pocket reminding him of his dinner that evening. His heart fluttered in his chest. He was so nervous he could barely focus. It was a big deal, or at least it felt like a big deal. Earlier that week Castiel had met Sam and then he called his brothers about them meeting Dean. Dean had met Chuck already so seeing him again didn't seem so strange but the brothers were a different story. Castiel spoke highly of them and warned him about Gabriel and how straight-laced Michael was. Plus both men were bringing their women along, and Gabriel was cooking for them. It felt like a high honor and it made Dean even more nervous. He was well aware that the family was fairly excited about him as Castiel had never dated before. Castiel had admitted that to him on a few occasions that he had never been with anyone before. Dean had wondered how in the world a good-looking man like Castiel made it so far in life without one single person asking him out. Then again, Castiel was really shy, and standoffish.

"Dean," John's voice snapped him out of his stupor

"Yeah, dad?" He asked and looked back at his dad who was standing there with a clipboard in hand.

"I'm picking up some stuff for the shop. Anything you need?"

Dean shook his head. "No, not really." Dean knew the day was coming when he had to come out to his family. He licked his lips he wanted to tell his dad then and get it over with. He felt shaky and he said. "So, ummm, I was wondering if…" He rubbed the back of his neck.

John looked at him his eyebrow raised. "What is it, son?"

His mouth felt dry suddenly. He always had a hard time talking to his dad about anything which is how Bobby knew more about his personal life than his own folks. John had this look about him that would scare the living hell out of Dean. Dean figured it came from being in the Marine Corp. John Winchester was tough and manly and a commanding presence everything Dean had strived to be in his youth. "Well, I was wondering if…" He looked down at the ground his father's gaze was making him uncomfortable. "I was wondering if you and mom could have lunch with me tomorrow. I need to talk to you about something." He said. He felt a jolt of relief it was finally out there he said it.

John gave him a scrutinizing look and nodded. "Sure, Dean, but you can talk to us whenever you don't have to take us out to eat."

"Uh, well I figure it would be nice you know…" He trailed off. Charlie had suggested he take them to a neutral location to tell them. Dean was still worried about some kind of scene but at least if he was out in public and his dad has some type of adverse reaction he would be okay.

John nodded. "Fine, I'll see you then." He said. Dean's shift was about over so he wouldn't be around when John came back. The elder Winchester got in his large black truck and drove off.

Dean let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He walked into the office area Bobby was in there sorting the books for the month. "I decided,"

Bobby looked up at him. "Decided what? To actually do your job and stop daydreaming?"

"No, I'm going to tell my parents tomorrow. Sam is going to come with me to offer emotional support I just… had to work up the nerve to ask dad."

He sighed and adjusted his cap. "Well, boy, I wish you luck."

He nodded and sat down in the chair across from Bobby's desk. "Yeah, well, it's about time I did it. I'm meeting his family tonight so… and he's already meet Sam. I can't have him as some type of secret I'm keeping locked away you know. It's not fair to Cas. He's such a sweet guy and,"

Bobby smiled fondly. "Dean, you are doing the right thing. I have never in my life seen you talk about someone so… fondly… it's almost gross." He teased and opened a new folder.

He laughed. "I've turned into my own chick-flick moment." He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. "I got to admit I didn't even feel this way about Lisa. I had thought I loved her until she turned my life into hell." He picked up and pen and started to play with it. "I was scared to ever love again… and I wasn't even looking for it. Hell, I thought he was just some hot guy with a jacked up car and now… now I feel like he's been there all my life."

Bobby snatched the pen out of Dean's hand. "Love is a weird ass emotion. I didn't think I would find another woman after my wife died and now I got Ellen. Life is funny that way. Did I ever tell you how I met my late wife?" He kept talking not even waiting for Dean to answer. "Years ago she owned a local bakery. I went in to get some pie." He laughed. "Because your mom was having a pregnancy craving for pie and since John was out of town for the day. And there I met the most beautiful woman I had ever seen… and she made damn good pies."

Dean gave a smile chuckle. He didn't remember Bobby's late wife she died when he was very young but he had heard this story countless times.

"And see, kid, when you get older and you have or well adopt kids of your own you can look at them and tell them you picked up their daddy on the side of the road because he was driving a junk car and you thought he was hot."

He laughed. "Yeah, then I can tell them how he wanted me to model for him." He shook his head. "A little too early to be talking about kids."

"I know, son, but still it will be funny."

He nodded. "Sam's got a new girl."

"Yeah, your daddy told me about it. Said she's deaf."

"I've been studying sign language. I think they offer a class for it at the adult learning center. If she and Sam get serious I think I'll take it."

"Sounds like a good idea." He flipped over his notes and sighed. "Why don't you take off for the day? That way I can actually get some work done around here."

He laughed. "Fine, I'll go." He got up and left the office. He got in his car and checked his phone. Cas had sent him a few texts and he had one from Sam. He replied to all of them and told Sam about the lunch plans with their parents for tomorrow.

Dean drove to his apartment and went inside. He didn't do much in the way of car work today but he was still dirty. He stripped off his work clothes and went into the shower. He cleaned himself off and daydreamed about Castiel being the shower with him. After he finished, he got out and dried himself off. He got dressed. He put on some of his best clothes and fixed his hair. He checked himself out in the mirror. He debated shaving but Castiel had told him he liked the scruff that it made him look sexy. Dean gave himself and approving nod and headed back to his car.

He drove to Castiel's place his heart beating in his chest. He parked in the driveway and headed up to the house and knocked on the door. Castiel had been working on the house off and on with his help since Chuck had left. The outside of the house looked better now but it still could use some improvements. The door opened and Castiel stood there. Dean's heart fluttered. He caught himself staring into Castiel's blue eyes. "Uh, hi."

Castiel smiled a gummy smile. "Hello, Dean." He stepped back and let him in.

Dean wondered if Castiel ever had a moment when he was caught off guard by him or was Dean the weird one who forgot his words the moment he saw Cas.

"How are you?" He asked as he sat on the couch and Dean joined him.

"I'm good. How about you?"

"I finished up the painting today." He grinned again.

Oh, no wonder he was smiling so much. Dean grinned and licked his lips. "Can I see it? You know since it's me."

"Maybe." He teased with a wink. He got up from the couch and started into the art studio. He paused in front of the canvas and looked at Dean and smiled again. He turned the painting around for Dean to see.

Dean had known that Castiel was a good artist but he was not expecting this. The painting was so… life like so accurate it was almost like looking into a mirror. "Holy shit." He breathed as he stepped closer to it.

"I hope you like it. I had a really hard time with your eyes. No green seemed to be right so… I kept mixing and mixing until well I got it." He looked away a slight blush formed on his face. "Do you… do you like it?"

He stared at the painting his mouth almost hung open. "Like it? Cas, I love it." He looked at Castiel. He had never in his life felt such worship such devotion. His heart filled with pride. "Cas, I mean…" He was lost for words.

Castiel sat the painting down. "I worked really hard on it. I can't believe how much time it took." He looked down at the floor he blushed. "I am, uh, glad you liked it."

Dean stepped forward. He put his hand on Castiel's chin and tilted it up to make him look at him. Castiel, he had noticed had a habit of hanging his head down in an attempt to escape the conversation. "Look at me, Cas." He said when the other man's eyes looked away. "Cas, you are the best artist I know and… dude, I'm flattered. I don't even have photos where I look that good."

He blushed. "T-thank you, Dean."

He leaned forward. He still had ahold of Castiel's chin and he looked into his deep blue eyes. He felt his face heat up. "Cas, can I, can I kiss you?" He wanted so badly to shower the man with his love and affection. He knew Castiel was scared, he had never been in a relationship and the newness of it was frightening. He knew that he felt that way with his first girlfriend.

Castiel looked into his eyes and looked down at his lips assessing the situation. "Yes." He said his breath a ghost on Dean's lips.

Dean hadn't realized how close they were until Castiel had spoken. He closed the gap and placed his lips on Castiel's. Passion surged through his body like fireworks going off. Every cell let out a mighty cry of 'yes finally.' Their noses brushed when he tilted his head he moved Castiel's chin to get him to tilt his head so their noses weren't touching. He wrapped his hand around the back of his head deepening the kiss. He wondered how far Castiel would let him go before he stopped him. Castiel made a content noise that could have passed for a moan. Dean realized that the artist was enjoying it. Dean felt a surge of guilt in his chest what if he accidentally took it too far. With that, he broke off the kiss. He needed air. He let out a few panting breaths and looked at Castiel. The artist's eyes were wide, pupils dilated he panted and stared back at Dean his hair a mess and Dean was pretty sure he had never seen anything so hot in his life. "Cas," Dean breathed. He tried to regain his composure as he felt his pants get tight. The last thing he needed was a tent being pitched in his pants. He just kissed the guy (granted it was a hell of a kiss) and he didn't want Castiel to be scared off by a boner.

Castiel looked at him he licked his lips and shifted slightly. Dean wondered if he was having a similar problem in his pants. He rubbed his face and said. "Dean, I… wow."

He smirked. "I've kissed many people but I have never had them act like that. You okay?"

He nodded. "I… I was not expecting…" He ran his hands through his hair. His face was decorated in blush. "Such a reaction." He whispered

Dean blushed himself. It was flattering to have a kiss rock someone's world like that. He looked at his watch and said. "Uh, we should go… I mean dinner and all."

Castiel blinked. "Oh, yeah that…" he stood there for a moment and let out a breath. He stepped forward and closed the gap and crashed his lips to Dean's.

Dean let out a startled sound as the artist ravaged his lips with his. He started to think he just let the beast out of Castiel's cage so to speak. The kiss was over as fast as it had begun. He looked at him and let out a. "Damn." As he tried to straighten himself up.

"Was… was that okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah for someone who has never kissed that was… awesome."

"Good." He grinned. "Let's go then."

The two of them left the house. Castiel drove them to Gabriel's place.

"Yeah, I forgot to tell you because of the painting and the uh, kissing… but I'm going to tell my folks about us tomorrow." Dean said

Castiel nodded. "Well, good…" He looked ahead and sighed. "I'm proud I hope it goes well."

"Me too." Dean murmured as they pulled into the driveway. A new wave of worry hit him as they got out of the car. He felt a small tremble in his hands as they walked up to the door.

Castiel gave a knock and the door opened up. A short man with sandy brown hair was standing there.

"Cas!" The man exclaimed as he wrapped the artist into a hug.

"Gabe," Castiel groaned as he pushed him away. "It wasn't that long ago since you last saw me; calm down."

Gabriel, Dean assumed turned to look at him. "Hiya," He stuck his hand out for a handshake. "I'm Gabriel Novak."

Dean took his hand. "Dean Winchester." His father had told him you can tell a lot about a person by their handshake. Gabriel had a firm strong grip but not too tight.

He let him go and stepped back. "Come in."

The two of them walked in and a small red-haired woman appeared beside Gabriel. "Hello," She greeted. She had a Scottish accent and Dean remembered that Castiel had said that Gabriel married a Scottish woman. She held out her hand. "I'm Rowena." She smiled and nodded to Gabriel. "I'm his wife."

Dean took her hand. "I'm Dean."

She gave a light handshake then looked over at Castiel. "Hello, sweetie." She gave him a small hug.

"Mike, get in here." Gabriel called out

Dean looked to see a taller man with black hair walk into the living room followed by a red-haired woman. Clearly, Castiel's brothers had a type. He looked at Michael and suddenly felt intimidated. The man was stern looking. He had thought that Castiel looked serious but this guy was a picture of the definition of serious. "H, hi." He rubbed his hand on his pants as it suddenly felt sweaty. "I'm Dean." He held out his hand to him. He knew that Cas's oldest brother had practically looked after him growing up and he knew this was an important meeting. Gabriel was an important person to Castiel but Michael had taken over where Chuck had left off.

Michael took his hand and gave a firm handshake. Dean was not surprised as this guy was a cop his stern handshake fit his stern look. "Hello, I am Michael." He nodded to the woman beside him. "This is Anna, my wife."

She gave a nod. She seemed just as stern and serious as Michael. Good lord their kids were going to come out reading the newspaper and discussing politics at this rate. "Pleasure to meet you."

Gabriel laughed and patted Dean on the shoulder. "Look at you, the one person who finally won little Cassie's heart."

"Gabriel!" Castiel shouted his face bright red.

Gabriel gave him a wink and walked into what Dean assumed was the dining room. The rest of the Novak clan followed and thus he followed them. He felt a blush crawl up his face. It was almost like Gabriel had known that he and Cas had finally kissed. Dean was surprised by the size of the dining room. It was large and had a nice oak table in the middle. Dean guessed that Gabriel must have made a lot of good money in his line of work. Counselors were important but Gabe had specialized in relationships and he called himself a sex therapist. He chewed on his lips as he wondered how often Cas talked to him about their relationship. Dean realized that Castiel had pulled out a chair for him. He gave him a soft smile. He wasn't used to that he was used to being the one who offered chairs and opened doors. He sat down and Castiel sat down beside him.

Chuck walked out of the kitchen carrying a platter. Chuck looked paler than the last time he had seen him. Dean inwardly flinched. Chuck was much sicker than he had thought. Chuck laid the platter down. "Hey, Dean." He said to him with a nod.

"Dad, I told you I would get it." Gabriel scolded. He pointed at a chair. "Sit." He marched into the kitchen and Rowena followed him.

Chucked blushed then looked away. He gave an awkward laugh. "How have you been?"

Dean smiled. "Pretty good."

"I finished the painting." Castiel said his face beamed with pride

"Awesome. I'd like to see it." Chuck said

"Painting? Which painting is this?" Michael asked

"Cas has been doing a portrait of his man." Gabriel said as he walked in with Rowena carrying the rest of the dinner.

Dean could feel Castiel blush next to him.

"I uh…" Castiel stammered.

Michael looked at his youngest brother. "Oh, that's interesting Castiel."

Dean felt Castiel tense up. He sensed his unease and he rubbed Castiel's leg for assurance. He was communicating nonverbally it was okay to tell them.

Castiel cleared his throat. "Yes, for my class we are doing an art portfolio and… I decided to use Dean as a model. That's how we… well, that's how this us… this thing got started."

"It's really good. Better than any photo I have of me." Dean said

Michael looked at Dean as he got a roll off of the bread plate and passed it to him. "I see Castiel." He buttered his bread and sighed. "I thought you were going to landscapes."

Castiel frowned as he took the bread plate from Dean. "Well, there are only so many landscapes and… well, my teacher said she wanted us to focus on something personal and beautiful." He handed the plate off to Chuck. "So I decided I will focus my portfolio on Dean."

Dean blinked. Castiel had never told him the whole thing was going to be about him. He thought it was just one painting.

"So, if you two break-up you have it immortalized." Michael said gruffly

"Mike." Chuck hissed as he gave his oldest son a dirty look

Dean frowned. He went to say something but Gabriel jumped in.

"Don't be a dick, Mike. They like each other so you are going to have to get used to it. Castiel isn't a baby anymore. He's a grown man." Gabriel said

Dean found a new respect for Gabriel he was a cool dude. Michael, on the other hand, was as Gabe put it a dick.

Michael rolled his eyes and murmured something about first loves as he passed the salad bowl to Dean.

Dean felt a surge of annoyance and spoke without thinking. "What the hell is your problem, dude?"

"Dean." Castiel pleaded

Michael scoffed. "I do not have a problem."

"Well, clearly you do because you've been a dick since you found out about the problem." Castiel elbowed him. Gabriel looked at him with a smirk, Chuck blinked, Rowena leaned in to hear more and Anna glared at him. "What you pissed he's dating a guy?"

The detective turned and glared at him. "Do not suggest that I have a problem with Castiel's sexual orientation. That is not what this is about." He huffed. "I just think that Castiel would have been wiser if he didn't focus his art portfolio, his future on a man he had just met and had 'fallen' for."

He blinked. "What you think we are 'moving too fast'?"

He sighed and sipped on his drink. "If Castiel was going to paint a person I would rather it be someone he knew longer. What if you two break up? Then what? He is stuck with a painting of you in his career."

Dean shrugged. "I don't plan on breaking up with him. Plus he could sell it."

Michael rolled his eyes and kept eating.

"My, my such dinner entertainment." Rowena said with a giggle

Gabriel looked at her and sighed. "So, Dean what do you do?" he asked in an attempt to change the topic.

"I work at my uncle and dad's repair shop. That's how I met Cas. His car broke down so I stopped and offered to help him. I'm taking general studies at the local community college." He looked down at his plate. "Haven't decided what I'm doing yet."

"It'll come to you." Gabriel said with a smile. "Careers have a weird way of falling into people's lap. I never met anyone who knew what they wanted to do when they grow up."

"So how did you get into your job? If you don't mind me asking?" Dean asked

He smiled. "May come as a surprise to you since I'm such a nice guy but I spent a lot of time in and out of a consoler's office in school."

Chuck shook his head. "If I had a dollar for every time I had to bring you home from school."

Dean knew that Gabriel had gone to the same high school as him but they didn't have any classes together.

"Well, while I was in there once the counselor looked at me and asked what I wanted to do. See being a so-called problem they figured I was going to be behind bars." He laughed. "So, I said to the guy I could do his job since all I had to do was sit behind a desk and ask teens dumb questions. He didn't like my answer much and well he made me stay in his office all day and watch him talk to kids and… I realized that I wasn't the only one out there with problems… so I decided that instead of being a jerk I could help people. They could relate to me. I wasn't perfect and I wasn't going to pretend to be such. I went to college like a good boy determined to help people like me and well my best friend and his girl started to fight and I sat them down and helped them work through it and after helping a couple of couples work through their relationship I decided to go into that." He looked at Michael and said. "Mike, how about you tell him how you became a detective?"

He shot Gabriel a dirty look. "I read murder mysteries it helped distract me from my home situation." He shrugged. "Decided to bring forth justice so here we are."

Dean frowned. Michael really didn't like him. He went to say something else but felt a hand on his knee. He looked to see Cas had rested his hand on him. His deep blue eyes spoke more volumes than any mouth could. He wanted Dean to drop it. He laid his hand on Castiel's and gave it a pat. He dropped the fight but continued to shoot Michael dirty looks throughout dinner.

The group ate in mostly peace after that. They would chat here and there about various topics. Latest movies, TV shows they were watching, and other various mundane topics. They began to clean up the table and Dean offered to help. He may be a guest but he was taught to offer to help the hosts to show gratitude for dinner. He picked up some plates and headed into the kitchen with Gabriel.

"Sorry about Mike." Gabriel said as he began to fill the sink to wash the dishes.

"It's fine." Dean said with a nod. He picked up a dish towel and Gabriel frowned at him.

"You don't have to help you know."

"I know but I want to."

The middle Novak brother gave a shrug and started washing dishes and handed them to Dean. "So," He started. "Cas tells me that you haven't told your folks about him yet."

He sighed. "It's not what you think. It has nothing to do with Cas." He dried the plate and set it aside. "I haven't told my parents about me being bi. Not yet anyway. I uh, plan on telling them tomorrow."

He nodded. "I see."

"I'm kind of nervous about it." Dean was surprised how easy it was to talk about it. Gabriel was in the mental health field he supposed he had an air of understanding about him. "I… I don't know how they will take it."

He smiled. "That's the risk you have to take."

Dean nodded. He remembered Castiel had said his family just seemed too had known. He knew they weren't bothered by it. To him that was amazing. He knew it wouldn't go over that easy. Sam was one thing. Sam was understanding and he had suspicions, but his parents would be a different story. They were so traditional, they were upset when he moved in with Lisa after high school, and they were upset when he broke up with her. Truthfully, it scared Dean shitless. He was afraid of the rejection. He had drifted away from them when Lisa had dragged him away. He may not get along with them all the time but they were his parents and he was so afraid they would disown him. "I… I'm scared." He whispered as he took the dish from him. "I'm worried about what they might say."

"Dean, just remember you are grown. They can't ground you for dating a man. And if they go to the extreme and 'disown' you; you got us."

"Thanks, Gabe." He said as he dried the last dish.

"Your welcome and thanks for helping me with the dishes."

The two of them walked back into the dining room. Rowena had served them wine was laughing as they exchanged different stories. Dean's eyes caught Castiel's he could see the tiredness in those blue eyes. Castiel had told him that big gatherings wore him out very fast and Dean could see it. Dean smiled at him and gave a forced yawn. "Well, it's been fun but I got to go. Got to get up early." He lied. Dean almost laughed when he saw how fast Castiel got up.

"Yeah, I drove him here so… I got to go to." Castiel said to his family.

They exchanged goodbyes and hugs before they left the house. Dean got in the car with Castiel who breathed a sigh of relief.

"If I had to hear one more story about Rowena's weird clients I might have done myself in with a wine glass." Castiel said as he started the car. "I didn't drink much so I'm good to drive."

Dean chuckled as Castiel backed his car out of the driveway. "Your family seems cool. Even though Michael is a dick."

He shook his head. "Michael thinks he's protecting me. He's done it for so long he hasn't noticed I can take care of myself."

"So it wasn't exactly personal?"

He chuckled. "He thinks you will leave me the moment a pretty girl comes along. He told me that. He thinks this is just a 'passing fancy'."

"In short, he doesn't like me?"

"Honestly, I don't think he would like anyone I dated. I mean, you are my first relationship but I have always gotten the impression he will never like anyone I date."

He laughed. "Some people are like that."

There was a pause and Castiel asked. "Do you want me to come with you? Tomorrow I mean when you tell your parents."

"No, I want to get a feel for how they act before I bring you along. Thanks though. I won't be doing it alone Sam is coming along."

He nodded. "Okay, Dean." He eased the car into his driveway being careful not to get to close to the Impala. They got out of the car and Dean looked at Castiel. He looked worn and tired. Dean had hoped to spend more time with the artist. But it didn't seem like a good idea now.

Dean walked Castiel up to his door and smiled. "I'm going to head home, Cas. You look really tired."

He yawned. "I'm sorry. I stayed up most of the night finishing up the painting."

"Don't wear yourself out on your art okay." He laid his hand on his shoulder. Before they had left they had kissed but he was unsure of how to go about it now.

He smiled as if he knew. He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. He nuzzled his neck before he planted a wet kiss on his lips. "Goodnight, Dean. Keep me updated on the meeting. Remember, I'm always there with you even in spirit."

"Goodnight, Cas." He watched Castiel go inside before he headed to his car. He got in it and started it up. The Who filled the car and he smiled to himself as he backed out of the driveway. He was nervous as hell about tomorrow but at least he had Cas, Sam, Bobby, and Charlie they would be there for him if his parents reject him. He told himself that on the way home and slept a restless sleep as he played out how the conversation might go with his parents.

**A/N:** Just so everyone reading knows. I had been swapping back and forth on the POVs per chapter but the next one is also going to be a Dean chapter. Thank you all for the reviews.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: **__Once again would like to thank people for reviews and follows and faves. This chapter was a little hard to write. _

The Muse

Chapter 15

Dean let out a long agonizing sigh. Today was the day; today was the day he had been dreading since he was fifteen and first realized that men turned him on too. He stared at himself in the mirror; it had been a debate that boiled in his heart for years. He knew he liked both genders. He never denied it but the focus of his male interests simply stayed at actors and musicians. Sure there had been a few guys in school he had checked out but he never really acted on it. He never asked out a guy until Cas. Cas made it seem normal made it seem right. Made him feel loved in ways he never thought possible. His young mind had thought he loved Lisa but that was not love it was lust and a series of mistakes. Cas, on the other hand, seemed to worship him. To most people, it would be creepy. Okay, Dean could admit it was a bit creepy but when he saw that painting yesterday and saw the pure and absolute love in Castiel's eyes he knew it was love in its purest form. Castiel Novak was in love with Dean Winchester and he was okay with that. Hell, he loved it. He smiled at his reflection. After he returned home, he thought about his and Cas's future together. He let his fantasies play out and it was the first time since that first whirlwind moment with Lisa he could see himself with someone for the long term. His phone beeped and knocked him out of his thoughts.

It was a message from Sam: _I told Eileen to meet us at the café at 12:30. That should give you time to talk to them and let it sink in_

Dean texted him back and put the phone in his pocket. He was ready to go but he was waiting for the courage to follow through. Sam had decided to introduce Eileen to them after Dean's big reveal. They hoped that with Eileen's introduction that their parents wouldn't freak out too bad on Dean. It was a distraction. Eileen was in on it. Dean hadn't met her formerly but Sam kept her in the loop on the situation. He looked back at the mirror. "Get it together." He said to himself. He snatched up the keys to the Impala and marched out of the house. He sent a text to Cas and told him the big moment was coming.

He put the car in drive. He could have gone for the rest of his life and not told them but it wasn't fair to Cas. He knew if the shoe was on the other foot he would be offended. A good relationship didn't have secrets and that included hiding from one's parents that you were dating someone of the same sex. He turned up the volume of the radio and let Led Zeppelin fill his mind with courage and hope.

He arrived at the café on autopilot. He got out of the car and Sam was waiting for him. "Hey, Sammy." He greeted and his younger brother hugged him.

"They are already in there sitting down."

He nodded. "G-good." He said. His heart was fluttering, he had butterflies in his stomach, and he felt like he was about to throw up.

"Dean, are you okay?" He patted his shoulder.

"I, uh, I think. I really don't know. God, Sam, I'm so nervous. Fuck man, I'm scared." He tried to remember what Gabriel had told him. He knew that Gabe had a valid point. If his folks rejected him then he still had Sam, Cas, his other friends, and hell even the Novaks; but the thought of being rejected by one's parents hurt.

Sam smiled. "Dean, it's going to be okay. Just remember we all love you and they love you too. Even if they get upset you are still their son."

He shrugged. "Yeah I know, but I haven't exactly been their favorite." He looked down at the parking lot and kicked at a rock. "Ever since Lisa they've looked at me differently. Like, I'm the one that messed it up." He looked up at Sam and shook his head. "Mom and dad they," He sighed. "Sam, they had different expectations for us. They knew you were going to go to school and make something out of yourself. Me," He laughed. "They wanted me to take over the shop, get married, and have a bunch of kids. They've been treating me differently since I started school. You've heard them. The tone they use, like they think I'm not smart enough or I'm wasting my time because I'm general studies and now this. This is probably going to really send them over the edge."

"I didn't know you felt that way." Sam said softly. "But still, if you and Cas get married they are going to find out. You might as well tell them now. You've made it this far."

He nodded. "I know I'm only doing this for Cas. I don't want him to feel like my dirty secret. Plus, I promised Bobby that if I ever actually dated a guy I'd tell them." He took in a deep breath and opened the door.

The two of them walked in and Sam led him to the table his folks were sitting at. He looked to see there was beer ready for him to drink. He smirked as he sat down. He really could use a beer or two. Shit, he could use some tequila right now.

"So, what's this about, Dean?" Mary asked as she sipped her soda

Dean opened his mouth and forgot how to talk. His blood thundered in his ears and his brain was screaming 'run! Run Dean!' Sam looked at him his eyes full of encouragement.

"You seem really nervous are you okay?" John asked

He closed his mouth swallowed. His phone felt heavy in his pocket reminding him of Cas. He closed his eyes and could see the black haired artist smiling at him. His heart warmed. He reminded himself Castiel loved him, Sammy loved him, he had friends that supported him. He opened his mouth and he began to speak. "I'm seeing someone."

Mary's eyes light up and she gave a smile clap. "Oh, that's great! What's her name? Did you meet her at school?"

John raised an eyebrow and Dean could see the gears turn in his head. He knew that John was going through all the rumors that people had said about him and Dean knew that none of them was about a girl.

Dean took a good drink of his beer. His stomach fluttered as panic set in now to bury himself in this. "His name is Castiel. Castiel Novak the artist. I have been seeing him." Blood pounded harder in his head. It was like he was having an out of body experience. He was no longer in control.

Mary's mouth dropped open and John covered his face in shock. "You're, you're gay?" Mary sputtered out. He watched the color drain from his mother's face. "Is that why you broke up with Lisa? Oh my God."

"No, mom I'm not gay."

John glared at him. "You're with a guy so then your gay."

Dean shook his head. "No, I'm bi."

Mary nodded. "So this is a faze then? You're just trying it out?"

"No," Dean was frustrated. "I really like Cas, hell I might even marry him."

"Marry?" John took in a breath and stood up. "I can't I,"

Sam grabbed their father's wrist. "Dad, don't. This is very hard on Dean let him finish."

John looked at his youngest son then back at Dean. A look that told Dean that he wasn't going to accept this revelation.

"So how long have you… been bisexual?" Mary asked.

"I… I noticed it about the time I started liking girls. I was watching TV and there was this guy on there and… yeah, I realized I thought he was hot too."

"Where you seeing both then? A guy and a girl?"

He shook his head. "No, Cas is my first guy." He watched Mary's face. After the initial shock, she seemed to have calmed down a lot. "I really like him, mom, dad; I want you two to meet him." He reached out and took his mother's hand. "This isn't a faze, this isn't something that's going to change overnight."

Mary looked over at Sam.

"I met Cas he's a great guy." Sam said. He looked at Dean and gave a smile. "Guys, can't you see how much happier Dean is?"

Dean felt his face flush. Sam thought he was happier? He didn't notice but now he actually thought about it he had been going through the motions for a while. His world had been dominated by Lisa and on his own which was something he hadn't done in ages he had felt lost and when he met Cas it was like he found his missing half.

His mom looked at his dad. John still had a look of disappointment on his face. Mary sighed. "Okay, Dean." She patted his hand. "I would love to meet Castiel."

He smiled. "Good. Glad to hear it." He breathed

Mary gave a smile. "Dean, I'm just glad you worked up the courage to tell us. I know it was hard to do but I'm glad you did. I love you, Dean. Even if you are bi."

They got up and hugged each other. Dean felt a new sense of unease as he noticed John just stared at him. Dean swallowed as he sat down. John didn't say another word he just kept staring at him. Dean didn't get to say anything to him as Eileen walked up to the table.

"Hello." She greeted.

Sam got up and slung his arm around her. "Mom, Dad this is Eileen." He kissed her on the cheek.

Mary held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Mary."

She took her hand and gave it a shake. "Nice to meet you." She smiled.

John introduced himself but then shot Dean another disapproving look.

Eileen walked up to Dean and smiled as she held out her hand.

"I'm Dean." He shook her hand

She signed something to him and sat down with Sam. Dean wished he had taken that sign language class. He felt his phone buzz. He excused himself from the table he needed to talk to Cas anyways.

He walked into the men's room and pulled out his phone. His mom had a no texting at the table rule that even at restaurants they tried to follow. He looked to see the recent message was from Sam:

_Eileen said she hoped it went well_

He sent a response to Sam who was an expert at texting under the table. Dean was terrible he always got caught. He checked his messages from Cas. Cas had sent a bunch about wishing him luck and so forth.

Dean texted him:

_Told them. Mom agreed to meet you. Don't think dad is too happy about it though._

He pocketed the phone and took care of business while he was in there. He washed his hands and went back to the table. Their food waited for them. He walked past his dad who gave him a harsh look. Dean swallowed hard. He sat at the table. Eileen told them about herself. Dean didn't really seem to hear as he noticed his dad was glaring holes into his skull. Dean watched his father look at him then at Eileen. His eyes spoke more volumes his father's told him 'see that's what it is man and woman'. Dean ate his food and got up from the table. "Mom, I'll let you know when Cas is available." He laid his hand on Sam's shoulder to convey the message that he would talk later. "Nice to meet you." He said to Eileen.

He walked out to his Impala. He couldn't take the harsh looks from his father anymore. He sighed as he started the car. He sent a text to Sam explaining what had happened. He backed out of the parking lot and started to drive. He felt drained. His body sore and tired and he hadn't done anything that day. He had intended on driving around town but soon he found himself pulling up in front of Castiel's house. He got out of the car and stood there to collect his thoughts. It was not his plan to come running to him but here he was. He knew the other man was home as the Camry was sitting there. He looked up at the house and sighed. He started to walk towards the front door when he heard a sound at the side of the house. He walked over to the side and there was Castiel trimming a hedge that had long overgrown. He had his headphones in and was nodding to the music not even aware that Dean was there. Dean watched him. Castiel was a handsome man. His tan skin, his muscular form under his clothes, his black hair and blue eyes he was the full package. Dean walked up to him and cleared his throat.

Castiel jumped a little and yanked his headphones down. "Dean, you scared the shit out of me." He looked at him and tilted his head. An action that Dean thought was cute it reminded him of a puppy. "What's wrong? You look upset." He sat down the hedge clippers and reached out and stroked Dean's cheek.

"It's nothing."

"Dean, I have been studying your face for a while. I know your expressions. You're upset." He held Dean's face. "Tell me, baby."

He sighed and looked into those dark blue eyes. "Dad, Cas, I think dad hates me. He wouldn't stop looking at me so disappointed. It got worse when Sam's girl got there he just kept looking at me like he was saying 'see that male and female' like somehow I was a weirdo."

Castiel let go of Dean's face and wrapped his arms around him and held him close. "It's okay, baby."

That was all it took and Dean's defenses fell. He openly cried. He cried into his shoulder as Castiel stroked his hair and whispered promises in his ear. Dean sobbed and nuzzled his face in Castiel's neck. Dean wondered if this was too much for the other man but Cas didn't protest.

"Want to go inside for a little bit?" Castiel asked

Dean gave a weak nod.

Castiel took his hand and Dean followed. He was still sniffling as they walked to the back of the house where the sunroom was. Dean frowned and seen Castiel place the hedge clippers inside a tool shed near the back. Castiel opened the sunroom and lead Dean in.

"I painted something and I want you to see it." Castiel said. He walked Dean up to the fresh canvas.

Dean stared at it. This painting was more abstract. It was blue and green, there were flicks of pink in as well and it reminded Dean of fireworks. Once he stared at it closer he realized there was an image of lips buried in the picture. "What is this?"

"It's what I saw when we kissed."

He blinked. "It's beautiful, Cas." He looked at him. "Breath-taking."

Castiel sighed he took his hand and pulled it to his chest. "It was a breath-taking experience, Dean."

Dean gave a smile. "Your art is amazing and I'm not just saying that." He felt his heart warm and his sadness decrease. Castiel did love him. Someone actually did love him.

The artist smiled and led him into the living room. They sat on the couch together. Castiel turned on Netflix and a comedy special started to play. Castiel moved so Dean could rest his head on his shoulder. Dean let out a content sigh. Cas was getting so he let him touch him more often and he liked it. Dean felt the other man rub his back. His eyes grew heavy the day's events slowly forgotten about as he focused on Castiel soft touches.

"Go ahead and take a nap, Dean." Castiel whispered in his ear

He gave a small nod and nestled down. He heard the soft sounds of Castiel humming to him; his gravelly voice warm and gentle. He listened to Castiel's heartbeat and soon sleep took over Dean. His sadness melted away as sleep took hold of him. His heart swelled with love. Castiel loved him and Dean hoped nothing would change that.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Angst and mentions of past abuse and references to alcohol abuse.

The Muse

Chapter 16

Castiel looked down at the sleeping man in his arms. His heart soared. He had never thought such love was possible for him. He was always awkward, shy, and odd. He had long ago written off such chances at love or romance he had not expected it to show up out of nowhere. If you had told him this time last year he would be holding someone and watching them sleep; he would have laughed and said 'no not me'. He planted a soft kiss on top of Dean's head. He knew Dean was going through a tough time. It was never an easy thing to do to tell your family you aren't what they think you are. Castiel's mother rejected it and let her boyfriend abuse him in some effort to beat it out of him. His heart ached at the thought her mocking tone calling him a fag, pansy, and other words. He felt his hand tighten its hold on Dean. He murmured an apology as he let Dean go some. Castiel was glad the rest of his family was supportive. His brothers didn't care that he liked guys they both told him they would love him either way, his aunt Amara was never bothered by it, and his father didn't judge him. He looked at Dean he hoped his family would be accepting. He knew Sam was fine with it, but Dean's dad. Castiel chewed on his lip. What about Dean's dad what if he never accepted him? Would that ruin their relationship?

There was a ringing sound from Dean's pocket. Castiel sighed. He had learned that Dean could sleep through about anything. He had heard Dean's phone go off several times already he had chosen not to wake up Dean as he figured the man needed some peace. He sighed and gave Dean a gentle shake. "Baby, your phone." He whispered in his ear.

Dean's green eyes slowly opened. He looked up at Castiel; he frowned then yawned. "What?" He stretched. "How long was I out?"

"About an hour or so." Castiel said as Dean untangled himself from him. Castiel rubbed his arm. His arm fell asleep about twenty minutes into holding Dean but he didn't want to wake him up. "You're phone, it keeps going off."

Dean rubbed his eyes and reached into his pocket and pulled it out. He looked at the screen and frowned. "Sam texted me a bunch, then mom…" He unlocked the phone and looked at the messages.

Castiel watched Dean's expression go from mildly annoyed to deeply concerned. "What's wrong?" He reached out and laid his hand on Dean's knee to show him he was there for him.

"It's dad. They can't find him." His voice laced with worry he dialed a number and waited. "Yeah, mom, I'm sorry I was asleep. What happened?"

Castiel listened to the conversation the best he could. He could hear Mary through the phone.

"I can't find John. I've called him and texted him over and over but he's not answering. Sam has gone out looking for him. God, Dean, I'm scared."

Dean sighed. "Want me to come over?"

There was silence then she said. "Please, Dean."

"I'm on my way." He hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. He stood up and looked at Castiel. "I'm going to go and help mom and Sam."

He stood up. "I'll go with you."

"You don't have to."

"I want to, Dean." He took his hands. "I want to show you that I'm there for you."

Dean smiled at him. "Okay… let's go."

Castiel walked with Dean to his car. He had heard from Dean that his father was a recovering alcoholic and a nasty one at that. He got into the passenger side of the car and looked at Dean. Dean looked worried. "Dean, it's going to be okay."

Dean shook his head. He could see some tears forming as he started the car. "Cas, I…" He sighed as he put his hands on the steering wheel. "What if I caused this?"

"Dean."

"I mean it. What if me coming out made Dad drink?" He ran his hands through his hair tears fell from his eyes. "He's been sober for so long and what if I pushed him over the edge?"

"You didn't put the bottle in his mouth, Dean." He laid his hand on his shoulder. "Plus we don't know if that is the case."

He sighed and put the car in drive. It didn't take them long before they arrived at the Winchester home.

Castiel looked at the house. It was a nice place. One of the houses he admired on his way to and from school. He had no idea it was their home. They got out of the car and Dean let out a huff of breath. "It's going to be okay." Castiel informed his boyfriend.

Dean walked up to the front door. He didn't knock he just let himself in. "Mom, I'm here."

Castiel followed behind him.

A petite blond haired woman walked out of what he assumed was the living room. She had green eyes and Castiel noted how much Dean looked like her. No doubt he took after his mother. She wrapped her arms around Dean. "Oh, Dean, I've been on the phone calling everyone. I called Bobby, then I called Ellen no one has seen him." She looked at Castiel her eyes widened for a minute then she blushed. She whispered something to Dean.

"He wanted to help." Dean said as his mom pulled away.

She looked at Castiel and slowly held her hand out. "I am Mary. Dean's mom."

He took her hand. "Castiel."

She nodded and walked into the living room. Dean followed and Castiel followed him. Castiel was feeling nervous. He felt like he was peering in on a private moment. He felt unwelcomed like Mrs. Winchester viewed him as some voyeur. He chewed his lip and listened to Dean and his mom talk. They discussed John's usual haunts, where all Sam had looked, and what places were left.

"Did Sam check the shop?" Dean asked

Mary nodded. "Yes."

He sighed. "I was hoping he would be there working. He's got a car he's fixing up for the car show." He rubbed his face. "What about the church?"

"The church. I never thought of that."

Dean nodded. "Okay. We'll go check the church."

Mary looked at Castiel then back at Dean. "Dean,"

He sighed. "Mom, he," Words was cut off when the front door slammed open.

Castiel almost jumped out of his skin. Dean pushed him back slightly into the living room. He looked to see a tall man with salt and pepper hair standing in the door. He had a beard and a stern look about him. He was intimidating as hell if Castiel was being honest. His blood ran cold. He knew he was face to face with Dean's father.

The older man looked at Dean then at Mary. "What's with the looks?" He asked. He thudded in the room with his heavy boots.

"John, I…" Mary shook her head and ran up to John. "I thought you had gone out drinking or something."

He frowned. "No, of course not."

"I couldn't get ahold of you and,"

"My phone died is all." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed it was indeed dead.

"Where were you?"

He ran his hands over his face. "I was at the church. I went to speak with the pastor… I needed to talk to someone outside the family after Dean's bombshell." He looked at Dean his eyes narrowed.

"John," Mary started but John ignored her.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Son." He addressed Dean. "I," Castiel then realized that John noticed he was standing there. John stared at him. His expression was cold and stern.

Dean pulled Castiel close to him as if he was going to protect him. "Dad, this is Castiel." Dean said his voice soft.

"Yeah, I figured as much unless you have two boyfriends." John huffed. He didn't hold his hand out for a handshake he just glared daggers at Castiel.

Castiel felt small. He hadn't felt this way in years. He could see it in his mind his mom's boyfriend screaming at him calling him names. He shrunk against Dean. He wanted out of there.

"Don't be rude." Mary stated. She had her phone to her ear no doubt she was calling Sam.

"Rude?" John threw his hands up.

Castiel flinched when John raised his arms. No! He was going to hit him!

"Dad." Dean warned

"Don't start with me. After you left your brother gave me the big spill about you being brave and how I need to support you and such." He ran his hand through his hair. "Then Bobby, I called Bobby… I…" He sighed. "God, son, why didn't you just tell us you liked guys?"

Dean blinked. He looked over at Castiel then back to his father. Castiel didn't relax yet he was still worried it could all go wrong. "Because of you freaking out like this. You and mom are so traditional. You guys had a plan for me since the moment I born and somehow I doubted that dating a guy was part of it."

John rubbed his eyes. "No, I just figured you would marry Lisa, have kids, and take over my shop when I retired." He looked at Castiel and frowned. "Now here you are with a guy on your arm,"

"Sorry, that Castiel doesn't fit your ideas, dad." Dean spat at him. He rested his head on his shoulder.

"John, it's no big deal really. I mean, we can accept him. He's still our son even is his gay… I'm sorry bi."

"It's not that. Well, it was that but…" He crossed his arms. "I had my suspicions for a while now. There was just something about the way he looked at other men and I just, Mary, I knew. I've had a feeling but I wanted him to admit it. When folks in town started to tell me they seen him with Novak's kid I just thought they were friends until I heard how close they were." He looked at Dean and frowned. "Dean, it's a lot to process. I… was in denial." He looked at Castiel.

Castiel shrunk under his gaze.

"You're upset because I didn't tell you?" Dean asked. His voice vibrated in Castiel's back.

"Yes and," He shook his head. "Novak,"

"His name is Cas." Dean huffed

"Right, Cas doesn't have a real job."

Castiel frowned at him. Mr. Winchester didn't think his art was a job?

"A real job? Dad, he is a hell of an artist." Dean stated

"Yeah, well, he has to sell art to make money." John pointed out. He nodded to Castiel. "He's doing paintings of you who's going to buy that? And look at him a scared little shit he hasn't even spoken to me. How's he going to make a career out of this? Did you not think of that? You don't even know what you want to do with yourself and you are probably going to have to support him and his stupid art."

Castiel clung to Dean. His father thought his art was stupid? What did some old man know about art anyway? He looked at Dean he wanted Dean to defend him to say anything.

Dean let out an angry breath. "Dad, you," He clenched his fists

"What are you going to do? Hit me? You are going to hit your own father to defend some wimpy artist?"

"John stop." Mary warned. She glared daggers at her husband

Castiel shrugged away from Dean. He felt unwanted. "I'm going to go." He whispered his voice weak. His chest ached Dean didn't stand up for him. He let John verbally berate them and he said nothing.

"Cas," Dean reached out to him and Castiel slapped the hand away.

The artist didn't say anything and he marched out of the house. He heard Dean call out to him but he kept going. Tears stung his eyes as he walked down the front stairs.

"Cas, are you okay?" Sam asked as he was getting out of his car.

He didn't look at him. He just kept walking. He had to get away from them. He didn't get very far when his legs gave out. He stumbled over to a bench and sat down. He buried his head in his hands and let out a loud sob. If he was in a better mental state he would have been embarrassed.

"Cas!"

He didn't want to look up. He felt like the world was closing in on him. He gasped he couldn't breathe.

"Cas, shhh, calm down." He felt soft hands touch his shoulders.

He slowly looked up and there was Dean looking down at him. His heart ached. He remembered all those horrible things his mother had said. He was 'unlovable' 'unwanted' being hit repeatedly, being called names. He let out a gasping sob.

Dean sat beside him and pulled him close to his chest. "Breath, Cas, I got you."

"What happened?" He heard Sam ask

His heart skipped a beat. Those sad thoughts briefly broke free; they cared about him. That's why they were here they cared about him. He looked up at Dean through bleary eyes. Dean stroked his face and made soothing sounds.

"Dad?" Sam asked and Castiel felt Dean nod. Sam let out an angry sigh. "That son of a bitch." Sam paced around the bench hands in his own hair. "I should have… warned you or something." He stopped his pacing and looked at the two of them. "I, I talked to dad."

"Yeah, he told me." Dean said. Castiel felt his voice vibrate through his body.

"I…" Sam ran his hands through his hair again. "Dad's a dick you know." He put his hands in his pockets. "He was in rare form today. After you left he sat and stewed. I told him you were brave and he…" He shook his head and looked at Castiel. He chewed his lips and stared at the artist.

"It's fine." Castiel said. His weak voice surprising himself. "I heard worse." He sighed

The brothers frowned. "Well," Sam continued. "He said you were doing it just to make him mad. Can you believe that? He took off after that. Eileen went to a motel and me and mom started to look for him. Poor Eileen she comes for a visit and dad does this bull shit."

Dean sighed. "That doesn't surprise me. He told me that Cas didn't have a real job. He's…" He looked down at Castiel

Castiel still felt hurt. His art was his passion. It kept him grounded it was important. He felt tears sting his eyes and Dean rubbed his face. "You didn't stand up for me." He said his voice sore.

"I'm sorry, baby." Dean said. Tears filled his eyes as well. "I… it's my dad I,"

Sam let out a frustrated sound.

Dean looked at his brother then back at Castiel. "I'm sorry. I just… I didn't know what to say. When dad gets in a mood he turns our words against us." He rubbed his own face. "I told him when I was going to college and he informed me that was for smart people and not for people like me."

"He said that?" Sam asked. He looked at his brother with a pained expression.

"He wants me to take over the shop remember?" Dean said

"Still," Sam said. He looked at them again and frowned. "Cas, I am sorry for what happened. Are you okay?"

Castiel gave a nod. His breathing had calmed down now. "I think so."

He nodded and patted Castiel on the shoulder. "I'm going to go and spend time with Eileen." He looked at Dean. "If you need anything call me." He walked away from them and got back to his car in the driveway and drove away.

"I thought I ran further than I did." Castiel sighed.

"No, you gave out pretty fast."

"I haven't been running in a while." He sighed. They were awkward now the day had been a blight on their relationship. Castiel was still hurt and upset silence passed for what seemed like forever. He looked at Dean who just looked ahead or stared at his parents' house. He decided he was going to go home. It was within walking distance and he could use some exercise. He stood up and started to walk away. He figured this would be it for him and Dean. The message was clear as far as he was concerned. He put his hands in his pocket and started to walk away from him from all of it.

"I can't stand up to my dad." Dean called out.

Castiel stopped and looked back at him. Dean's head was in his hands, face red from crying, he was clearly in emotional pain.

"I'm not like Sam. I wish I was like Sam. That's why I kept this a secret for so long. They are so traditional and God, you heard him, he had my life planned for me." He leaned down and rested his elbows on his knees. "That's how he is. He didn't get the life he wanted so he thought he could control ours." He shrugged. "I guess it was from being in the military or something but he likes order. He wants things in a certain way. Sam never followed his ideas. He wanted Sam to go into engineering and Sam decided to go into law but…" He rubbed his hands on his pants leg. "Dad told me college wasn't for me. He said I should be like him. Get married, have kids, then take over the shop. I never told him what I wanted because… I never really knew what I wanted. I do know something I want though," He stood up. "I want you Castiel."

Castiel held his breath. He felt the weight of Dean's words on his shoulders. The man who just went through life wanted him.

"I," He blushed and shook his head. "I meant it, Cas," He stepped forward then stopped. "I've made my choice for once in my life and it is you. I choose you. I'd do it again too. If I can make one decision and it not be full of regrets and doubts it's you. Since we have been together I never questioned it. It felt right; even after everything that happened with me. I was scared to get back in a relationship my plan was to just have one night stands for the rest of my life. Then on my way to work some guy in a junky car was on the side of the road." He gave a fond smile. "I don't know what made me stop. It was a gut feeling but…" He reached out and took Castiel's hand. "It was the best decision I ever made." He sighed. Dean had just poured his heart out to Castiel.

Castiel was pretty sure that was the most Dean had ever said to him in one shot. He watched the other man whose face went through various expressions. He licked his lips. "I am glad, Dean." He looked away and blushed. "I'm sorry I am so terrible at speaking. I…" His heart felt like it would burst but he couldn't put it in words.

"I suck at expressing my feelings too. You just got lucky. I had been wanting to tell you that for a while." He winked at him

He smiled. "I see. Well, I am glad that you choose me."

Dean laughed. "And I want you to know. I don't care what dad thinks. I like your art and even if for some reason your art doesn't sell. I will support it." He cupped his face. "I mean it, Cas." He leaned in and captured his lips with his. They kissed each other, tongues entered mouths, hands roamed bodies it was perfect.

Castiel smiled. His heart still hurt from the day's events but it was fine now. They broke the kiss and took each other's hands.

"Come on. Let's go back to my car." They walked back up to the Impala and headed to Castiel's place. When they got there Dean looked at him. "We should sometime go for a run." He chewed on his lower lip. "I really need to exercise more."

"It helps clear one's head." Castiel said. He got out of the car but noticed Dean didn't. He looked at Dean and Dean back at him. He felt his heart rate increase. It was another decisive moment. They stared at each other neither said a word. Castiel took in a breath. He knew what he wanted. "Dean," His voice faltered. "Do you want to…" he looked at his house. "Please I… I don't want to be alone."

Dean is out of the car and beside Castiel. He looked at him his green eyes full of concern. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Please, stay with me, Dean. I just… after today and my panic attack I want someone here." He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked away.

"Are you sure?"

"I don't want sex, that's not what this is." He said. He shook his head. "That isn't what I am offering." He clarified.

"Okay, I mean," He rubbed the back of his head obviously embarrassed. "I didn't I just, never mind."

They walked up to the house and Castiel unlocked the door. They walked in and Castiel suddenly felt self-conscious about his decision.

"Umm, I just realized I don't have any clothes." Dean muttered to himself

"If you don't want to,"

"No, I want to. Cas, I'm not an idiot I can see you are still upset." He reached out and laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Just talk to me, okay."

Castiel sighed. After Dean's confession, he felt a need to open up some himself. Neither of them had a pleasant life. Dean was lead around by his father, then by a girlfriend. He himself, he rubbed his arm images of his mom's boyfriend hitting him flashed and he frowned.

"Cas, I,"

He looked at Dean. Something in Dean's eyes indicated that he knew. Somehow he knew. He licked his lips and looked away. Once it was out; it was out, and once he informed him of what triggered the panic episode then what would Dean think. He opened his mouth and words poured out like an open faucet. "My mom, her boyfriend… well one of them. Mom didn't like that I was gay. She wasn't okay with it at all. She… always high like all the time and she told her then-boyfriend that I was gay. He took it as I needed a 'male' role model." He wrapped his arms around himself. "Dean, he hit me. All the time. He would call me names like pussy, fag, queen and… a wimp. He took complete pleasure out of beating me."

"That's…. that's why you didn't want me to touch you isn't it?"

He frowned and nodded. "I… that's why I freaked out when you tried to kiss me. Sudden movements scare me. I… when your dad started yelling I thought of those moments when I was beaten. I try not to but it wouldn't go away. Mom told me that I was unlovable and unwanted and… that situation,"

"Oh God, Cas, I'm so sorry." Dean wrapped his arms around him. "I wish… I could… I'm sorry." He was almost sobbing. "How could someone do that?" He asked no one in particular.

"That's how we were finally able to get out of that house… the beatings… he left evidence and Michael took me to the police…" He ran his hand through his hair. "I hate talking about it. I've been, Dean," He made sure he got a good long look into Dean's eyes. "I have been to so many therapists. I have done it over and over; sat down talked about it and it hurts it just hurts. I know I am damaged. I know it. It creeps up on me suddenly I can't stop thinking about what had happened to me. That's why my dad sent me to live with my aunt. I was so messed up he didn't know what to do. Gabe and Mike they were mostly fine after therapy well I think they are still in therapy. Me no, my therapy is," he gestured to the sunroom his art studio. "My art is my therapy. Aunt Amara encouraged me to draw she told me to draw my feelings since talking was difficult… I sat for weeks and drew out everything I couldn't say… Dean, I understand you choose me… I choose you too. It's so hard for me to open up… I'm scared of other people they hurt me."

"I'll never hurt you." Dean said

He nodded. "I know but…" He shook his head.

"I'm sorry that dad triggered those feelings." Dean sounded soft and weak. He pulled Castiel close to him

"There is nothing you can do about it, Dean. I'm damaged goods. You have a right to know… because that is what you are choosing. A broken man."

"Broken or not I still choose you." Dean kissed him on top of the head. "Ready for bed, baby?"

Castiel looked at the clock it was getting late and he was drained from the day. "Yeah."

They walked up to his room. Dean turned down his sheets while Castiel slipped into the bathroom and got in his night clothes. He stood by the bed and crawled in as Dean covered him with the blanket. It was a touching gesture.

"Guess I'll take the couch." Dean said. He looked back at Castiel and gave him a fond smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Dean." Sleep took Castiel quickly. His mind spun over the fact that Dean was sleeping in the same house as him. He felt a brief moment of regret thinking he should have invited Dean to sleep with him. But those thoughts were lost soon in his dreams.


	17. Chapter 17

The Muse

Chapter 17

Dean's eyes suddenly snapped open. His breath quickened. The first thoughts that flooded into his mind were. _"Where the hell am I"_ He sat up on the couch then looked around the dark living room. The mental fog of sleep slowly cleared out and his mind finally caught up with the rest of him. Cas's house. He was at Cas's house. He let out a soft sigh and ran his hand through his hair and lay back down on the couch. He remembered now; he stayed the night with Castiel. The poor young man seemed so disturbed last night Dean couldn't bear the thought of leaving him alone. He pulled his phone out of his pocket it was five thirty in the morning. He let out an annoyed groan. If he was at home he would watch some TV till he fell back asleep, read, or took care of some personal business. He couldn't do any of those things here at his boyfriend's place. Though he could read on his phone or get on Facebook for a while and see if he got tired. He opened the app on his phone when he heard a thump upstairs. A rather loud one. He perked his ears up and tilted his head up as if he could hear it better. He listened as he held his breath. Another thump followed by what sounded like walking. Cas was up already. He frowned at his phone and put it back in his pocket. Now that he thought about it the sound was what had woke him up. He started to get up off the couch he paused; what if Cas had just gotten up to use the bathroom or something. There was the sound of footsteps and Dean was pretty sure he heard muttering.

"Get it together." He heard Castiel mumble to himself followed by more sounds. Dean then realized that Cas was pacing around upstairs. He sucked in a breath. Was Cas okay? Should he check on him? "It was a nightmare." Castiel said to himself. His voice sounded strained.

Dean started to get off the couch. He edged his way to the stairs. Castiel's voice became distant clearly he had walked away from the stairs.

"She can't hurt you. No one can." This time it sounded like Castiel was crying.

Dean's heart sunk. He decided then to come up and check on him. His foot hit the bottom stair with a mighty creak.

He heard Castiel stop pacing then he heard a door open and close followed by the sound of a shower running.

He sighed. Castiel had gone to take a shower. No doubt hiding from him. He stepped off the stairs. He could just walk in and ask him what's wrong but; no he was worried about triggering something else in Cas. He didn't need to upset him more than he already was. He got back on the couch and decided to stay awake until Castiel came out of the bathroom. The events from yesterday still burned in his mind, raw on his skin and made his very being ache. His father didn't like Castiel that was clear. He chewed on his lip. John claimed the reason being was that Castiel didn't 'have a real job' but Dean wondered about that. He knew that coming out to his folks would open up a can of worms. He just wasn't prepared for the backlash against Cas. Mary didn't seem to be all that bothered by Castiel but she also didn't seem to be interested in Cas. He knew John's words hurt Cas deeply and dug up old wounds. Dean ran his hand through his hair. He also knew that Cas was still upset because he didn't stand up for him. His heart ached if he was in Castiel's position he would have felt the same but; his dad was his dad. He did everything he could think of to make the man happy but… it was too late now. He knew John wasn't going to take it well. John was a 'manly man' and Dean knew that to John him loving another man took away his so-called man card. He sighed. He wasn't going to back down though. Even if his parents would spend the rest of their lives looking at him with disdain; he cared for Castiel. He heard the water shut off upstairs. Castiel was clearly a broken man but no one was perfect. He certainly wasn't going to sit there and act like he had the apple pie life. He heard the soft footfalls coming down the stairs. He turned back to look at Castiel as he came down the stairs. His messy black hair was still wet; he had on a hoodie and jeans, his already baggy eyes even more baggy than usual. He looked like he hadn't slept at all.

"Morning, Cas." He said trying to keep his tone neutral

"Morning, Dean." Castiel said as he finished the descent down the stairs. "I didn't expect you to be awake." He stuck his hands in his hoodie's pockets.

"Yeah, I just woke up." He watched as Castiel turned his head away.

"Oh, sorry." He walked towards the couch and looked at him barely making eye contact.

"Are you," He hesitated then cleared his throat to try again. "Cas, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He said. He rubbed his reddening eyes and sighed

"Cas,"

"I am fine, Dean." He reached out and took Dean's hand. "Let's have coffee." He half dragged Dean to the kitchen

Dean watched him. His body language was clear that not everything was okay. He was pretty sure that Castiel was as far from okay as he could get. "Cas,"

The artist pulled out a chair for him and headed to the coffee pot and started the coffee. "I am not much of a cook but I can make breakfast." He spoke. His voice soft but shaky, Dean could see in Castiel's eyes he was distant lost in his own world.

Dean stood up and smiled. "How about I make something?" His stomach made a sound of protest. He was never up this early let alone eating this early. He suppressed the urge to gag he had to cook for Castiel if the man was hungry.

Castiel looked at him. His normally bright blue eyes somehow dull. "Oh, sure." He flopped down in a chair.

The coffee pot beeped signaling it was finished preparing the brew. Dean made himself and Castiel a cup of coffee. He found pancake mix sitting on the counter and started to make them some pancakes. "You uh, usually up this early?" He asked as he mixed the water and mixture together into a pasty like substance.

"No…" Castiel trailed off. He stared at his coffee as if watching the steam come off of it. "I usually get up at eight or nine depending on if I have class." He lifted the mug and took a small sip.

"Why did you get up so early today?" He poured some mixture into the skillet and watched it as it cooked.

"I, you shouldn't worry about it."

He looked back at him. "Cas, don't cut me off." His own voice strained. He had worked so hard to chisel down the barriers that Castiel had around his heart. He knew and understood that it was Castiel's defense mechanism. Bullied in school, beaten at home, and thoughts of abandonment no wonder Castiel acted like this. "Please just talk to me."

He looked up at him and gave a shrug. He sipped his coffee. "Don't you work today?" He asked. He sounded almost like he was annoyed that Dean was there.

Dean shook his head and flipped the pancake. "No." He lied. He had work but no not today. He was going to call in today. He laid the pancake on the plate and started another one. Bobby would understand. Castiel was clearly having trouble and he was not going to leave him alone while he suffered. His chest clenched he couldn't do it even if Castiel pushed him away. He liked helping people. He enjoyed it and he knew his boyfriend needed him more than Bobby needed him at the shop. He finished the pancakes and laid the plates down on the table.

Castiel dug in. He chewed thoughtfully. His blue eyes lit up for half a second. "Thank you, they are good." He cut another bite and chewed. A smiled almost came across his face then he frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry I was thinking." He murmured.

Dean felt frustration boil under his skin. He let out a sigh he couldn't be upset with Castiel.

He sat down his fork and got another cup of coffee. "Your pancakes are better than dad's." He added cream and sugar to his coffee and mixed it. "He made me and my brothers pancakes before he moved out."

"Would explain the mix." Dean muttered. He watched as Castiel stirred his coffee. So many emotions washed across the other man's face before he went back to his neutral tired expression.

Castiel sat down and stared at his coffee again.

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "I am fine." He downed his coffee and put the cup in the sink. "Are you going to go home?" Castiel didn't really ask as much as he stated. Like he expected Dean to just leave him.

"No," Dean stood up and gathered the plates and placed them in the sink. "I'm not leaving you, Cas." He reached out to lay his hand on Castiel's face. "You are clearly upset I'm not going to leave you alone."

Castiel sighed but leaned into the touch some. "I'm fine."

"Stop lying to me, Cas," He took his hands. "Please, baby, talk to me. I will listen I am here for you."

Castiel threaded his fingers through his. "I… it's stupid. I had a nightmare." He sighed. "I feel like a child. It was so vivid and real."

"What was it about?"

"You left me."

"What?"

"You left me. Simple as that, your father got you to leave me and when you did I kept hearing my mother tell me over and over how," He choked up.

Dean wrapped his arms around him and held him. "It's okay, it's okay." He told him over and over

"She told me that… I was unlovable. That you never loved me and… everyone was going to leave me." He sobbed.

"I'm not going to leave you."

Castiel buried his face in Dean's shoulder. "But you will… people do it all the time…"

He stroked his back. "I won't do it to you." He whispered in his ear. He holds Castiel as the other man shook with sobs.

"Everyone does." He sobbed over and over

Dean licked his lips. Clearly, Castiel's troubles were deeper than he thought. "Cas, how often do you have nightmares like this? That makes you feel like this?"

He took a few shaky breaths. "At least once a month… usually, I am okay but… it was so real."

"Okay, baby." He held him and waited until Castiel got done crying. "I am going to stay here with you okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Okay, Dean." He sniffed. "I would like that." He rubbed his eyes. "I am going to work on some art… so I can… you know…" He rubbed his eyes again. "Um, feel free to use the shower and take whatever clothes you think will fit." He left to the art studio after that.

Dean sighed and headed upstairs. His heart ached. It was clear that Castiel was afraid of losing him, and well anyone. His words 'everyone leaves me' echoed through his head. He chewed on his lip as he wondered into Castiel's room. He walked to the closet and grabbed a shirt and pants. He stared at the pants in the realization that Castiel had a wider waist then him. He dug through until he found sweat pants at least they might stay on. He spotted Castiel's phone on his dresser. He frowned. He could call Gabriel or Chuck or someone and tell them about Castiel. He reached for it and stopped. It was an invasion of privacy. He knew that but; Castiel's behavior the last night and today had him worried. He couldn't stay with Castiel forever and he honestly didn't know if this was normal for the artist. He picked up the phone and unlocked it. Castiel didn't have it password protected for some reason. He went to the contacts and found Gabriel's name. He thought about calling him. He shook his head and got out his phone and saved Gabriel's number to his phone. It was still early in the day and what was he going to tell him anyways. He put his phone in his pocket. He grabbed a pair of boxers that looked new and headed into the bathroom. He took a shower and let the warm water beat down on his skin. Castiel's shower had way better water pressure than the shower back at his apartment did. He got out toweled off and got dressed.

He walked out in the hall and pulled out his phone and called Bobby.

"Yeah." Bobby's gruff voice greet him.

"I'm not going to make it in today."

Bobby made a noise of understanding. "Why?"

He sighed. "I'm with Cas; he's not in a good way today, Bobby."

"Okay, I understand. Take care of your man but you better come in tomorrow." Then Bobby hung up.

Dean walked downstairs and into the art room. He looked at Castiel who had his head in his hands. Worry shot through Dean like a bullet to the heart. "Cas?" He asked softly.

He looked up at him slowly his blue eyes full of tears. "Sorry, Dean." He ran his hands through his already messy black hair making it worse than what it was. "I didn't mean to worry you." He looked at the blank sheet of sketch paper in front of him. "I just have a lot on my mind." He picked up a pencil and rolled it in-between his fingers.

He sat beside him as close as he can get without getting in his way. "Want to talk about it?"

He sighed. He took a swipe at the blank paper as he starts his drawing. "I'm scared, Dean. Scared of what can happen." He chewed on his lip. "There… there's so much bad that can happen and… I'm afraid of losing you."

"I noticed." Dean laid his hand on Castiel's knee. His heart was heavy. He could see that Castiel was in pain. Fear was a powerful force. He had been afraid before. Afraid of letting people down, afraid to change his life for the better, afraid to live for himself.

He made another swipe across the paper as he talked. "I'm not used to opening up. I never have been. I should be you know since I have two psychologists in my family but even with them it's hard." He ran his hand through his hair. "I feel like I'm always being judged or being attacked." He licked his lips. "I will never truly understand myself. Here I am worried about losing you and you chose to stay with me." He sat down the pencil and rubbed his arm closets to Dean's. "I worry I will become a burden to you. I am not a normal person and… I hate to say it but your dad is right. I don't have a job." He gestured at the house. "I only have this place because dad left. I don't even work dad pays the bills and Amara sends me a little bit of money to get by and…" He picked the pencil back up. "I rely on too many people but I'm afraid to let them in."

"Cas, you shouldn't let what my dad said bother you so bad."

He nodded. "I know. I just… I'm worried." Castiel remained silent after that and Dean watched him draw on his paper.

Dean felt his phone vibrate and he pulled out his phone it was a message from Sam.

_Dad said you called in. Is everything okay?_

He texted him back. _I stayed with Cas last night. He was upset this morning so I decided to stick around._

_ You stayed with Cas?_

Dean could practically hear his brother's teasing and going ooooh on the other side of the phone. He sighed. _He asked me to stay so I did. I wanted to make sure he was okay before I left._

_ Okay. Need anything?_

Dean looked at his phone and gave a small smile. _Yeah actually. Can you go to my place and get a change of clothes or two? And some board games. We can have a game night._

_ Sure bro _

Dean pocketed his phone. He watched Castiel work. The artist was hunched over the paper, his tongue stuck out some as he concentrated. It was an odd mixture of hot and downright silly. He smiled to himself. He felt like a love-struck teenager. He watched Castiel go from a sad to almost euphoric as he drew. That's when Dean saw it; he saw what Castiel was talking about last night how drawing helped him with his feelings. Dean began to rub Castiel's back who leaned into the touch. He watched the smile form on the artist's face something he didn't see enough as far as he was concerned. He was worried for Cas the spat with his father seemed to have weighed on his emotions and it wasn't something Dean liked to see. He wanted to protect Castiel, love Castiel, and be with him forever. Though his father did have a point; if Castiel's paintings didn't sell then he would have to support him and that meant he would have to get a degree in something he could get a job in. Worry ate at him. What if he couldn't? He loved this man he knew that without a doubt. He wrapped his arms around Castiel who sat down his pencil. "Are you done? Can I see it?"

Castiel smiled and chuckled. "Of course, sweetheart." He pushed the sketch pad over to him.

Dean looked down at it. It was a pencil sketching of him with large angel wings. "Pretty." He kissed Castiel on the cheek. "But I think your more angelic than me."

He blushed. "You are my guardian angel." He whispered so low Dean almost didn't catch it.

He noticed how the bags under Castiel's eyes were even more pronounced than earlier. He leaned over and closed the sketch pad. "Baby, how about you get some rest. You look really tired."

"I'm fine." But a loud yawned proved otherwise.

"Come on, angel." He helped Castiel up and led him to the living room. Dean eased Castiel onto the couch.

"Not tired." Castiel muttered which reminded Dean of a child.

"It's fine, Cas. Take a little nap."

He looked up at him; his eyes half-lidded. "Will… will you be here when I get up?" He asked his voice soft. He looked away as if ashamed.

"Of course." He assured Castiel. He laid his hands on his shoulders and pushed him onto the couch. He grabbed the blanket that was tossed over the side Dean used last night and covered him with it. He kissed him on the forehead. "I promise I will be here when you wake up."

Castiel let out another yawn. "You can watch TV in my room if you get bored and we have books." He pointed at the nearby bookshelf. "I don't want you to feel trapped."

"I'm not. I'm choosing to stay." He kissed him on the forehead again. "Now get some sleep, angel."

It didn't take long for Castiel to fall asleep. Dean looked around and made his way back into the art studio. He felt like he was sneaking around on Castiel. He picked up the sketch pad and flipped through it. There were various drawings in it some were of him and some were of the neighborhood. Some of them had a heaviness to them. He sighed and pulled out his phone. He hesitated over Gabriel's contact and chewed his lip. He had to know. He dialed the number. The phone rang a few times before there was an answer.

"Gabriel Novak."

Dean's blood ran cold for a second. "Hey, uh, Gabe, it's Dean."

"Dean, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"It's about, Cas."

"Is he okay?" His voice sounded worried.

"Yeah, I mean physically. Listen, I'm worried about him. He woke up really early and,"

"Were you at his house?" Gabriel teased.

He sighed. "He asked me to stay. My dad; see he was a dick to him last night. Said art wasn't a job and Cas has been upset since then. He told me he had a nightmare and he became withdrawn and distant. He opened up some told me he was worried about me leaving him and I got him to go back to sleep a few minutes ago."

Gabriel let out a sigh. "I'm not surprised. He's always been afraid of letting people in. We've tried to get him to go to therapy but he claims it doesn't help him. I worry about him too."

He frowned. Well, now he knew that at least Gabriel knew about these nightmares of Castiel. "Yeah," He sighed. "Maybe between the two of us we can get him to go again."

"Hopefully, and Dean, thanks for staying with Castiel."

"Yeah, I mean what sort of boyfriend would I be if I just left him in this type of shape."

"A piss poor one. I got to go; I got an appointment soon but feel free to call if you need to talk. Or text or whatever."

"Okay, thanks, Gabe." He hung up the phone. He sat down the sketch pad. He would talk to Sam about it. He knew that Sam's therapist had pulled him out of a really dark place maybe they could help Cas. He walked out of the art studio and looked in the kitchen cabinets. He had plenty of food to make for them when Sam got there later. He nodded to himself. He decided to watch some TV. He walked past Castiel who was asleep on the couch. He looked down at him. Castiel was curled up on his side his breathing even and let out a little snore. He smiled. He made his way upstairs and into Castiel's room. He felt like an invader but Cas had told him it was okay. He sat down on the edge of the bed and turned on the TV he got on Hulu and clicked on a show. He let himself get lost in the programming. He was doing all he could to help Castiel and letting the man sleep was the best thing for him now. He would make dinner for them, and they would have a fun time with Sam and forget all about what happened last night and this morning.


	18. Chapter 18

The Muse

Chapter 18

Castiel slowly opened his eyes. He blinked and frowned. The smell of food waved under his nose as he sat up. Confusion flooded through; what was he doing asleep on the couch? Then it dawned on him. He rubbed his eyes and let out a small yawn. Yeah, he didn't sleep much last night. He laid there and stared at the ceiling half of the night thinking about that dinner, that Dean was downstairs asleep, and everything else. He swung his legs off the couch and got in a sitting position. Dean had stayed the night. He had woken up to find him on this very couch. Castiel's brain had been rattled. He spent the whole morning doubting himself letting John Winchester's words get to him. He had nightmare after nightmare last night once he did get to sleep and he was pretty sure he had only gotten maybe three hours' worth and that was being generous.

He glanced at the clock it was in the afternoon hours now. He frowned; he had slept most of the day away. He stood up and smelled the food again. His stomach growled reminding him of its existence. He heard music playing from the kitchen. He smiled to himself as he walked towards his kitchen.

There in front of him was Dean cooking away in the kitchen. He had a big pot of something bubbling and he was cutting up stuff. His iPod was sitting on the counter playing away an old classic rock song that Castiel didn't know. Dean hummed with it as his graceful amble fingers worked the knife into the vegetables before him. He gathered the vegetables and finally looked up to see Castiel. "Ah, morning sleepy head." He dropped the stuff in the pot. "Or afternoon, whichever." He shrugged and picked up a bowl of cut apples and passed it over to Castiel. "Figured you were probably hungry. The soup won't be ready for a while now."

Castiel stared at the apples then looked up at Dean. The whole scene was so domestic, like something out of a romantic movie or a slice of life anime. He felt his heart flutter in his chest. Dean was cooking for him. Like really cooking for him. "Afternoon, Dean." He took one of the cut-up apples and took a bite of it. The crispness helped to wake him up some more.

Dean sat down the bowl. "Hope you don't mind me cooking." He flashed him a smile his bright green eyes seemed to light up.

"Oh no, you can cook all you want." He blushed after he said that.

He smirked. "Good, glad to know." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Glad you didn't wake up sooner. I kind of slipped out to get some of the stuff. You almost had everything for the soup but I wanted some pie. No point in having dinner with no pie."

He laughed. His heart felt lighter already. There was something about Dean that brought him out his personal dark moments. Anytime, he had felt sad or depressed Dean seemed to be able to cheer him up. As far as Castiel was concerned Dean was his savior. "I'm just happy to have food." He rubbed his arm. "I'm not much of a cook. I get wrapped up in what I'm doing and I forget to cook anything." He confessed.

Dean picked up and apple piece and held it out for Castiel to eat. "As long as I'm here you won't have to worry about that. I will make sure you are fed. By the way, Sam is coming over also he's going to bring some board games and… I figured we could have a game night."

"Sounds fun." Castiel leaned forward and let Dean place the apple slice in his mouth. He chewed on it and felt his heart pound. He liked being fed this was nice. "Though I was hoping we could have dinner together."

"I can tell him to stay home."

"No, no, I was picking. I like your brother."

Dean held out another apple slice and Castiel leaned in to take into his mouth. This time without meaning too he licked Dean's finger. Dean's eyes blew wide briefly and his jaw slacked at the contact.

Castiel chewed his apple and gave Dean a wink. He may not have meant to do that but what it did to Dean sent shivers up his spine. He hoped he could remember that look on Dean's face later. He picked up a slice and held it out for Dean to take. Dean took it but didn't lick his fingers or anything. The bowl of apples was officially defeated. Castiel watched Dean as he dug out a candy bar. "You didn't have to buy so much food."

"I know but it's okay." He opened the candy bar and broke it in half. He gave Castiel one half and kept his own. The music changed to a different song. Dean bit into his chocolate and almost moaned. "I love this song." He turned up the music and turned to the stove and stirred the soup.

"What are you playing?" Castiel asked as he took a piece of chocolate. He sat it in his mouth and let it melt savoring the flavor as it mixed in with the taste of apple.

"Blue Oyster Cult." He turned down the stove and glanced over his shoulder at him. "Why you like it?"

"It's okay I guess."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you would be the type of person who thinks _Godzilla_ is okay."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they finished off the candy bar. They slowly migrated to the kitchen table and sat. Castiel watched Dean as he got up regularly and checked the soup. He smiled to himself. He would like to see this every day. Dean in his house, possibly wearing his clothes, humming songs with a smile on his face, and feeding him food, it was nice, it was everything that Castiel could ever hope for in a relationship. How did he ever get so lucky? He wondered as he watched Dean get a spoonful of soup. "Is it good?" he asked Dean.

Dean gave a shrug, stirred it, added some more seasonings, stirred again, and tasted it. He gave thumbs up and got another spoonful. He walked over to Castiel with it; hand under the spoon so he wouldn't spill soup on the floor. "Try it." Dean blew on the soup before offering it to Castiel.

He laughed. "Dean, I would have made sure it wasn't too hot before I ate it."

He shrugged. "Just looking out for you, babe." He held the spoon out again and Castiel ate it.

Flavor flooded into his mouth, the right blend of spices, a piece of corn, and some chicken. It was good, delicious, and possibly the best soup he'd ever had in his life. "My God, Dean, that is really good." He watched Dean blush as he looked away and gave him a shy smile.

"Th-thanks, Cas, I don't get to cook for people often so… it means a lot." He set the spoon back on the spoon rest and let out a heavy sigh. "The last time I cooked like this it was when I was with Lisa." He rubbed his arm. "I used to cook a lot more but once I moved into my apartment I kind of stopped. My place is small so I don't like to host people in it." He shrugged and he joined Castiel at the table. "I was worried I lost my ability to cook."

"Dean, that might have been some of the best soup I have ever had."

He laughed. "Flattery won't get you anyway." He winked at him.

"I mean it, Dean." He reached out and took his hand. "You should think better of yourself. You are pretty amazing, Dean."

Dean patted his hand. "Same to you, Cas."

He tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"Dude, you…" He squeezed his hand. "You are great. No matter what anyone has said to you in the past you are amazing. I'm a lucky guy to have you."

He sighed. "Dean, do you mean that?"

"Of course I do."

He licked his lips. Nervousness took over. "Dean," he hesitated when the man's green eyes focused on him. "Do you… do you really think I am a good artist?"

"Yeah, I think you are one of the best. Didn't I tell you before?" He winked

"Do you really think my work will sell?"

Dean looked at him and furrowed his brow. "Are you still upset over what my dad said?"

"Answer the question, Dean, please."

He sighed. "I don't know. I would buy it but then again I don't know the art world."

Castiel looked away. His heart sunk; Dean was right he didn't know the art world. What if people actually didn't buy his work? What then? He dedicated his life to his art what would he do without it?

"Cas, baby, it's okay." He stroked his cheek. "Even if they never sell I will still support you."

He frowned. Dean would support him? Then he would be no better than Lisa. He shook his head. "No, Dean, if you do that then I will be no different than Lisa."

"You are way different than her. You actually let me live my life."

"I don't want you to feel responsible for me." He crossed his arms. "It's not fair to you."

"But I want to, Cas." He rubbed Castiel's arm. "I l-"He shook his head. "I like you a lot."

Castiel felt his head tilt. He was fairly certain that Dean was about to say he loved him but stopped. He felt his heart crack a bit. Of course, Dean had shown his love for him in countless different ways but why didn't he say it?

"Cas, I mean it. I want to take care of you." Dean spoke softly as he ran his hand along Castiel's arm.

"Still, Dean, I really need to be able to take care of myself." He laid his hand on top of Dean's and gave it a squeeze. Castiel knew he was right and he knew Dean realized that. Dean gave him a nod and stayed silent. Castiel knew it was time for him to find a job or something, he couldn't rely on Dean. Heaven forbid his paintings didn't sell and they broke up or something. Then what? He wouldn't be able to feed himself or maintain his house. His heart ached. Art was his passion. Then again maybe he could use his passion to find him work. He could become an art teacher, or work at the gallery. He chewed on his lip in thought when the doorbell rang bringing him out of his thoughts. He got up from the table and headed to the door. He opened it to see Sam standing there with a bag in his hand. "Hello, Sam." He said

"Hey, Cas," Sam slipped in when he stepped aside from him. Sam rubbed the back of his neck as is nervous. "Sorry if I am interrupting… anything."

He tilted his head he was unsure of what Sam meant then it hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh, no, me and Dean we've just been talking." He pointed to the kitchen. "He's in there cooking up some soup."

Sam nodded. "Oh, okay… I was just going to drop this off then go." He walked into the kitchen with Castiel following him.

He walked into the kitchen as Sam laid the bag down on the table for Dean. He watched Dean who looked at him and whispered something to Sam who in turn looked at Castiel and sighed. Castiel felt self-conscious like the two of them were plotting on him or something.

"You don't mind me staying for dinner?" Sam asked his hazel eyes bore into his soul.

"No, I don't mind. Unless you know… Eileen and such." Castiel stammered over his words. He looked away and focused on the floor. The nice and safe floor that didn't judge people for not speaking right.

"Eileen went back home already." Sam sighed.

Castiel looked up at Sam and noticed how disappointed he looked. "I am sorry, Sam."

He shrugged. "It's fine. It's not like I won't see her in a few days anyway."

Dean opened the bag on the table and pulled out two board games. One being Monopoly and the other Clue. "Thanks for bringing these." He said as he set them off to the side. "I'm going to go change." He frowned at the bag. "Dude, how much clothes did you cram in here?" He asked as he walked past Sam.

The younger Winchester shrugged. "Never hurts to have a few spares."

He rolled his eyes as he left the kitchen and headed upstairs.

Castiel sighed and sat down. "Please, have a seat, Sam." He said gesturing to another chair.

Sam nodded and sat down. He looked towards the door of the kitchen then at Castiel. He appeared to be weighing his words. He licked his lips then finally spoke. "So, uh, Dean said you were pretty upset this morning."

Castiel sighed. "I had a rough night." He ran his hands through his hair.

He gave him a look of pity. "Cas, you can talk to me." He leaned forward on his elbows. "I've gone through somethings myself. I know what you are going through."

He shook his head. "No offense but I don't think you do, Sam."

He sighed. "Well, maybe not exactly but I have been depressed before." He leaned back some. "And I know Dean means well but he's a little dense sometimes so if you need anyone to talk to I'm here, man."

He smiled. "Thank you, Sam. I am glad to have you as a friend."

He nodded. "Of course. You're a cool dude."

Dean walked back into the kitchen now in his usual flannel and jeans. "Cas, I left your clothes on the hamper." He stated as he walked by him.

Castiel caught himself staring at Dean. The man always looked good but he looked so much better in his own clothes that clung in all the right places. His own clothes were way too big for Dean especially the pants. Sam gave a polite cough which snapped Castiel back to the rest of the world. He blushed slightly.

"Good news is the soup is done." Dean said as he took it off the stove.

Castiel got up and found bowls for them. Dean poured the soup in the bowls and there were leftovers. The three of them ate, talked, and even went back for more soup until it was all gone. Once they were done eating they decided to play the board games. They played several rounds of clue which Sam won more often than either of them did, they started Monopoly which lasted for a while until Dean lost and was left sitting and watching the other two play. After a while, they finally declared Castiel the winner as he had more money than Sam. They packed away the board games then decided to watch a movie.

They sat on the couch together. Dean cuddled up to Castiel and the artist, in turn, rested his head on Dean's chest.

"Aww." Sam teased from his spot on the recliner.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean grunted in fake annoyance.

Castiel really only half paid attention to the movie; Dean kept carding his fingers through his hair and it was so soothing he nearly fell asleep twice in the middle of the movie. He looked up at Dean whose green eyes were focused on the movie. He smiled. He could get used to this. Sitting on the couch with Dean, being held by Dean, watching Dean watch a movie. It was great. He nuzzled his cheek against Dean's chest. He listened to his heartbeat and heard it increase when he rubbed his face against him. He let out a soft giggle as he pawed at him some.

Dean patted him on the head and glanced down at him. "What are you a cat?" He asked with a laugh

Sam raised an eyebrow at them. "Um, should I leave?"

"No, you're good." Castiel said

The movie finished and they got up from their spots. Sam stretched and announced. "Guess I'm going to head out." He headed to the door and they were behind him. He looked at Dean and raised an eyebrow. "Dean?"

Dean looked back at Castiel and slung his arm around his shoulders. "Since you brought so much of my stuff I think I'll stay another night."

Sam smiled. "Okay, Dean," He looked at Castiel. "Remember what I said, Cas. I meant it." He reached out and patted his exposed shoulder.

"Thank you, Sam."

"Goodnight guys." Sam said as he left the house.

Castiel looked at Dean and raised his eyebrow. "You are really going to stay another night?"

"Yeah," he let him go and rubbed the back of his neck. "Unless you don't want me to."

"No, I mean, you can stay." He felt his face heat up.

Dean nodded. "Okay." He looked around. "It is an awfully big house for one guy you know."

"It is." He said with a yawn. He had thought it before when he had come home. It was too much house for him and just him alone. He felt a tingle in his chest as he looked up at Dean. What was he angling at?

He patted Castiel's check. "You feel better?"

He nodded. He did feel better now. "Yeah, I do."

"Good, my soup is always a good comfort food. Plus a good board game and a movie helps."

Castiel tried to suppress a yawn and failed.

"Go to bed, baby." Dean wrapped him in a big hug and held him close. "I will be here in the morning." He promised as he kissed him on the cheek.

He looked up at him. "Okay, Dean." He kissed him on the lips. It was a kiss full of promise, of love, and of adoration. He looked at the couch. "Are you going to sleep on the couch again?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

He bit his lip and looked up the stairs. "You can you know… uh…" He flushed and looked at the floor. Use your words he told himself.

"It's fine, I don't mind to sleep on the couch. Plus I got to get up early and I don't want to wake you up or something."

He looked at Dean. He focused on his green eyes. "Please." He said softly. He took Dean's hand.

He sighed and nodded. "Okay, Cas."

They headed upstairs. Dean slipped into the bathroom and changed into his night clothes and Castiel changed into his in the bedroom. He sat on the bed and Dean walked in. He plugged in his phone charger and his phone. "I set an alarm." He informed Castiel.

"Okay." He yawned and stretched. He tossed back the covers and got in the bed. He sat there and watched Dean as he hesitated. "If this makes you uncomfortable you don't have to do it. I just thought maybe you would rather sleep in a bed than on the couch."

Dean shook his head. "It's fine." He smiled a too big and slightly fake smile. Castiel could tell it wasn't fine with him. He crawled into the bed beside him.

Castiel turned off the light and bid him goodnight. He laid his head on his pillow. He tried to will himself to sleep when Dean spoke up in the dark.

"Would it be okay if I cuddle you?"

"Yeah, sure." He felt his heart pound as Dean snaked his arms around his midsection and pull him close to him. He smiled to himself as he started to feel like a teddy bear. He listened to Dean's breath go even and slow into soft puffs. Dean was defiantly sound asleep. He listened to his breathing and shortly he felt his eyes drift closed as he drifted off to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

The Muse

Chapter 19

Dean opened one eye as his phone announced it was time to get up. He groaned and shut it off and rubbed his face. He blinked and looked around the room; posters of some anime, a few paintings hung up as well; where was he? He slowly sat up as his sleep addled brain finally caught up and reminded him he spent yet another night at Castiel's and slept in his bed no less. He cast a glance over at the other man who was sound asleep. Dark lashes dusted his cheek, firm full lips slightly parted he looked like an angel in his sleep. He smiled to himself as he watched him sleep. Dean had half hoped the two of them might have fooled around some last night. He was fine with the fact they didn't. He was going to let Castiel take the lead on the physical parts of their relationship. He was the one who was uncomfortable with being touched the last thing he wanted to do was upset Castiel or make him think he had to do that stuff with Dean.

Dean leaned over and gave Castiel a kiss on the forehead. "Morning, baby." He said

Castiel gave a groan of annoyance and scrunched his face up. Dean had to admit it was cute. "Ugh." He mumbled and rolled over on his side harshly.

He chuckled. "I'm going to take a shower then take off. I got work today. I'll start some coffee before I go." He kissed him again and Castiel gave a mutter of some sort that Dean didn't exactly catch.

Dean walked into the bathroom and started the shower. Sam must have known he was going to stay another night as he stuck his toiletries in the bag as well as his work clothes. Dean gave a silent thank you to his brother. He jumped in the shower and washed up. He got up toweled off and got dressed. He brushed his teeth and listened for Castiel stirring. He spit in the sink and shook his head. Castiel must have the ability to sleep through almost anything.

He headed downstairs and started the coffee pot. He poured himself some in a thermos he had found in the kitchen cabinets and left Castiel some for when he got up. He headed to the door and shouted. "I'm leaving, Cas." Up the stairs but still didn't hear him move.

Dean walked up to his car and got in. He started it up and AC/DC started to play through the speakers. He turned up the volume and started his way to work. He sighed to himself as he sipped his still too hot coffee. He couldn't believe he had spent two nights at Cas's place. The day before, Cas was such a wreck. He gripped his steering wheel. Cas had been so depressed, so lost looking and Dean was scared for the man's life. And it was his dad's fault. The man he was about to deal with once he got to work. What would John say to him? What would he say to John if anything? His heart beat hard in his chest. His father's words had shaken Cas to his core and made the man doubt himself and it pissed Dean off to no end. The truth was though, even if he confronted John nothing would change. John wouldn't apologize to Castiel instead he would tell Dean about how right he was or some shit like that. He hoped that John wouldn't come in today. He hoped his father would be less than eager to see him. He licked his lips and sipped the coffee that burned his tongue. John Winchester would probably be upset with Dean for a while. It wouldn't have been the first time he disappointed his father and it probably won't be the last.

Dean eased the Impala into a parking spot at the shop. He got out of the car and headed to the office. His heart was still pounding but finally slowed down when he didn't see his father's truck in the lot. He walked in the office and Bobby was sitting at his desk.

Bobby looked up at him and frowned. "Glad you could make it in today, son." He flipped through some old receipts. "How's Castiel?"

He set down his coffee on the desk and took a seat. "He got better after a while. He didn't want to get up this morning though."

"So what happened, Dean? Anything you want to talk about?"

He sighed and took a long sip of his coffee. "See, you remember the other day I told mom and dad about me being bi and dating Cas?"

"I'm not senile, Dean."

"Well, mom lost contact with dad. She called me because she was worried he was out drinking. We went over to their house. Cas came with me and well dad wasn't out drinking. He came home and met Cas and… well, dad said he was upset that I didn't tell him about my sexual orientation sooner then he went after the fact that Cas is an artist. Said it wasn't a real job than said I would have to support him because his art wouldn't sell."

Bobby frowned. "Your dad is a dick." He got up and poured himself a mug of coffee.

"Yeah, well, he triggered Cas. Cas had nightmares about me leaving him and everything. He was… God, Bobby, you should have seen him. He was so lost and sad I was scared to leave him." He wrapped his hand around his thermos. "I called his brother and told him what happened, then I got Sammy to bring me some stuff to you know help Cas cheer up. Cas fell asleep on the couch. He got up like really early. While he was asleep I made soup and made sure he was fed. Then Sammy brought over some board games and we had a game night. It seemed to cheer Cas up."

"At least you told his family." Bobby sat down at his desk. "Your daddy thought you went and got eloped yesterday." He chuckled.

"No, we didn't elope. I did stay at his house again last night though." He licked his lips. "His place is so big for one person."

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at, Dean?"

"I don't know, Bobby." He leaned back in his chair. "I mean I like… hell, I love him." He leaned forward. "I can't even get myself to tell him that I love him either and here I am… hoping he would ask me to move in or something."

"Dean."

He nodded. "I think you know moving so fast with Lisa… I'm scared of it happening again. I fall too fast you know."

"Dean, I can't say about how you feel but I can tell you from what I see you actually like this guy. Hell, I think you like him better than you did Lisa. I have never seen you smile this much in years not since your dad gave you the Impala."

He smiled. "What can I say it was a great present."

"Anyway, Dean, my point is you clearly like this guy. Hell, I suspect you love him, don't let what happened with Lisa hold you back."

"You know, Bobby, you might have a point."

"Damn right I do." He finished off his mug of coffee and picked up the paperwork and made a neat stack out of it. "You don't need John's approval you got mine."

"Thank you, Bobby."

"Now get out of my office so I can get this paperwork done."

He gave a laugh and got up and headed out to the garage. He finished his coffee which finally cooled off. He tossed the thermos in the car and headed on. He felt his phone vibrate he pulled it out and looked at the text from Cas:

_Thank you for the coffee sorry I didn't see you off. I was tired_

He responded with:

_It's fine you needed to sleep. I made it to work btw. What are your plans?_

He put his phone away and pulled out a chair and sat down in it and waited for his ten o'clock appointment to arrive. His phone indicated another text and he checked it:

_Going to have lunch with Gabriel in a bit. He woke me up. Going to look for work then work on my painting its due soon._

He bid him good luck and pocketed the phone when he saw his appointment pull up. He got up and took the keys from the owner and eased the car in the garage. He got the car up on the hydraulic lift and started to drain the oil. He heard the rumble of a loud engine and flinched. He recognized that sound anywhere. He peaked around the back tire and sure enough, there was John's big black pick-up truck. "Shit." He swore.

John climbed out of his truck and looked at the Impala. He frowned and looked at the garage. They made eye contact there was no point in hiding. John strolled into the garage. He looked back to see the customer was long gone after they dropped the car off. "Hello, Dean." He said to his son coldly.

"Dad." Dean greeted. He walked away from the wheel and looked at his dad full on and frowned. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and maintained eye contact.

"You weren't here yesterday." He put his hands in his pockets. "I was… worried you were sick or…"

"I heard tell you thought I eloped." He huffed

John shook his head. "I was joking mostly."

Dean felt the awkward tension in the air. He was feeling a mixture of feelings. He wanted to punch his dad in the face, he wanted to scream to the top of his lungs that he loved Cas and nothing would change it, and he wanted to run. He wasn't sure what the right answer was if any of them were.

"I talked to Sam this morning. He said you had stayed with Castiel,"

"Don't. Just don't, dad. I don't want to hear your judgmental bull shit about me staying with Cas."

"You already know how I feel about it. No, I, Dean I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"It's too late for that dad, in case you didn't notice." Dean huffed. He capped the car's oil container as it had finished draining.

"I'm sorry, son."

Dean felt a flash of anger. His temper flared he spun around his heels and growled. "Don't apologize to me damn it! You need to say you're sorry to Cas!" He tossed the rag on the floor and bit his lip. "You hurt him! And it's not like you would care you say and do whatever you want and think you can get away with it!" He kicked over a toolbox which flew over with a clatter. "When you were drunk half the time mom would make excuses for what you said. Your father didn't mean it he was drunk she would tell us. But there you were sober as a judge telling someone their life's passion was meaningless. You don't even know Cas! Did you think you could just chase him off was that it?"

John narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't have to put up with this. Your my son you're supposed to respect me!" He ordered

"Maybe I would if you were someone worth respecting."

John balled his fists and Dean braced for impact. The elder Winchester instead huffed and walked off and left Dean with his thoughts.

Dean felt bile rise in his throat. He suppressed the urge to vomit and went back to working on the car. His blood was pumping; anger was still fresh in his mind. He hands shook as he worked he couldn't hold anything. He walked away from the car and started to walk around the garage. The nerve of his dad to demand respect when he didn't respect Dean. Dean kicked a toolbox and sent it rolling off to the back of the garage. He swore loudly and knocked a bunch of stuff off a workbench. He looked down at the mess before him and a flash of guilt washed over him. This was Bobby's shop and here he was trashing everything. He steadied his breathing and told himself to calm down. He had a flash of fear that he would lose his job over this but squashed that idea. Bobby would hopefully understand why he was angry and forgive him. His phone vibrated and he pulled it out. It was a selfie of Cas and Gabriel followed by the text:

_Gabriel said I should send this to you as a thank you._

He smiled as he looked at Castiel's smiling face. That gummy smile lit up the whole world. He started to feel better. Yes, he was fighting for Castiel now not just for himself. He put his phone away and went back to the car and finished up. Once the car was done, he backed it out of the garage and set to clean up the mess he made in his fit of rage. He was cleaning up the workbench when he heard footsteps.

"Whew, boy, you do not go half-way when you get pissed." Bobby said. He set a beer down for Dean. "Got a temper like your dad." He mumbled as he drank at his beer.

Dean took the beer and took a swig. "Sorry for the mess." He sat down the beer and put smaller tools back in the box on the workbench. "Dad he… pissed me off." He bent down and scooped up as many bolts and nuts as he could. Bobby squatted down with a grunt and started to help. "You don't need to,"

But Bobby cut him off. "I don't need to help but I am. So what happened?"

"Dad demanded I respect him." He shook his head as he placed the spare bits in the bucket they came out of. "Sam was right you know… he always told me dad ran the house like an army and we were the soldiers. Had to do what he wanted and how he wanted it." He picked up a small screwdriver and stared at it. "I guess I always thought that was normal. I wasn't like Sam I didn't sit and question things… never paid attention to how other kids' dads acted you know. Now I'm really starting to see it. I broke one of his rules. I'm not following his agenda."

Bobby stood up and so did Dean. He set down a few tools on the table. "Listen, son, don't let what your dad said get to you." He shook his head. "I know you won't believe me but he does love you two." He sipped his beer. "Plus you haven't followed his 'agenda' since high school. Why stop now?"

"I'm not going to stop, Bobby." He shrugged. "I just wish… I don't know… that he would accept it." He picked up his beer and took a long swig of it. "He said he's okay with it. He's just mad I didn't tell him earlier but the way he acted around Cas makes me question that."

"Personally, I think you both should get your head out of your asses and sit and talk to each other." Bobby adjusted his ball cap. "Your dad took off after the fight. You're going to have to take on his extra work." He headed to his office and stopped. "Oh and if you trash my garage again your fired. Don't think I won't do it you idjit." He walked into his office his warning hung in the air.

Dean shook his head and stepped out of the garage. He did notice his dad's truck was gone. He supposed in his rage he missed the sound of it leaving. He had the keys in his hand for the car he just finished with. He was glad the owner had left when they dropped off the car or else he might have gotten fired for acting the way he did while at work. He handed them the keys and went on about his work.

The day turned into a long one, with John gone and Bobby knee deep in paperwork and invoices he had to do almost all of the work in the shop. He saw about eight cars that day ran to the local NAPA to get parts, picked up lunch, and cleaned up once he was finished. His day typically ended at about three sometimes two on a slow day. Bobby usually didn't keep him there too long due to college so he had time for studying and writing papers but today was a long day. He let a yawn escape as he shuttered the garage. It was six o'clock now the shop was closed for the day.

Bobby came out of the office. "Heading home." He informed Dean. "And you and your dad better sort yourselves out. I'm not having family drama at the shop. This ain't a chick flick." He muttered as he got in his car and drove off.

Dean gave a nod. He walked over to the sink and tried to wash the day off. He was pretty sure his hands would be stained now. He scrubbed and scrubbed until they at least resembled clean. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. He hadn't really had time to text Cas since his lunch hour and even then it was a hurried text. He sent him a text:

_Had a long day. Going to go home. Talk later_

He put it in his pocket and climbed into his car. He started it up and went down the road. His radio played Queen as he drove down the now darkened streets. He hated this time of year since it got dark earlier. The chill hung in the air it was approaching winter time now. He yawned loudly. He just wanted to get home, maybe get a pizza and take a shower for a year. He eased his car into the driveway when it hit him. He didn't return to the apartment he went to Castiel's. He sat behind the wheel his hands got sweaty. He could simply just back out and go home but he was already here. He licked his lips and stared at the house. Cas was alone in that big house. Probably didn't cook himself anything for dinner, probably absorbed in painting and forgot that the world around him was there. He blinked and stared at the lights on in the house like a welcoming beacon. There was no one for him at his apartment. The only thing there was his bed. His chest ached with a want no a need to see Cas, to hold him, and kiss him. He got out of the car and started walking to the front door before he chickened out and went home. He still had another set of clothes in the bag Sam packed he could stay another night.

He walked up to the front door and gave a soft knock. He could have walked in but that seemed rude.

Castiel opened the door. His eyes didn't look as tired as they did yesterday. The ocean blue irises focused on him and he tilted his head like a lost puppy and Dean's heart flipped. "Dean?"

"Hiya, Cas." He grinned at him. He knew it was a dorky grin but it was the best he could muster.

He frowned his face etched in confusion. "I thought you were heading home."

He sighed and looked into his eyes. Their eyes locked green on blue. "The thing is, Cas…" He sucked in a breath and said. "I think I am home."

Castiel stood there for a second. He blinked a few times and as if a light went on in his head he smiled nodded and stepped aside from the door. "Welcome home, Dean."

Dean smiled as he walked in. He reached over and grabbed Castiel and found his lips. The two of them kissed for a while. He ran his hands through Castiel's hair and down his back. Yes, he was home here with Cas. This was where he belonged.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: This chapter takes place the same day as the last chapter

The Muse

Chapter 20

Castiel slowly opened his eyes as the morning rays shined on his face and his phone rang from the nearby nightstand. He blindly reached for it. "Hello?" He answered

"Cassie, I hope I didn't wake you." The familiar voice of Gabriel greeted him on the other end of the line.

"No," He said as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I was up already." Fear and worry struck through him. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah it's fine." Gabriel didn't sound too convinced of that fact himself but Castiel didn't push the issue. "Listen I was wondering if we could meet up for lunch today?"

"Yeah sure." He responded. He really didn't have any plans today. He was almost done with his art project and there weren't any classes this week so people had time to finish their work. He also was going to look for work of some sort but that could wait until after lunch. He listened to Gabriel tell him where to meet up and he hung up the phone. He let out a rather loud yawn and got out of bed.

He got up and started to make up his bed. The side that Dean had laid on had long lost its warmth. He picked up the pillow and fixed it in the pillowcase and the smell of Dean wafted from it. He smiled to himself and wished the man was still there and he could cuddle up to him and have coffee later. He remembered that Dean had woken him up and told him he was leaving but he was so tired he fell back asleep afterward. He sighed and wished he had at least seen Dean off before he left for work.

He headed to the closet and gathered some clothes for himself. He headed into the bathroom and got in the shower. He got clean and came out and got dressed. He was still running on autopilot he just needed some coffee and he would be okay.

He walked downstairs and was greeted with the smell off coffee. He smiled; Dean had made him coffee. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup. He sat down at the table steaming mug in hand. He pulled out his phone and texted Dean:

_Thank you for the coffee sorry I didn't see you off. I was tired_

He sipped his coffee the warmth of it filling his insides. Mental cobwebs cleared and he started to feel something that resembled alert.

His phone went off: _its fine you needed to sleep. I made it to work btw. What are your plans?_

He sighed and stared at the phone for half a second before he answered: _Going to have lunch with Gabriel in a bit. He woke me up. Going to look for work then work on my painting its due soon._

Dean answered back with an 'okay' and Castiel put his phone away. He didn't want to bother Dean at work.

He finished off his coffee and got up from the table. He placed his mug in the sink and put his shoes on. Gabriel wanted to meet up at eleven to avoid usual lunch rush so Castiel had to leave soon. He walked out of the house and got in his car.

He let out one final yawn and concluded that waffles would probably help wake him up as he started the car. _White Stripes_ filled the car and he turned up the stereo and started down the road to town.

Castiel got to the small dinner. The place was usually packed around noon but so much beforehand. He got out of the car and walked inside the building.

Gabriel was already there sitting in a booth in the back. He looked up at him and gave him a small nod.

He headed back to his brother and sat down. "Morning."

"Morning, I already ordered you some coffee."

As if on cue the waitress brought his coffee. Castiel placed his meal order and added cream to his coffee. "So what's up Gabriel? Usually, you don't call me out of the blue like that. Did something happen to dad?"

He shook his head. "No, ugh dad is… well, this isn't about dad. It's about you."

"Me?" He asked and raised his eyebrow. What on Earth did Gabriel mean by that?

"Well, Dean he called me when you…" He sighed. "Okay, we were worried. When you, you know went dark Cas on us."

He felt his face heat up. He was embarrassed that he let himself crawl in a hole that dark. He had battled depression off and on his whole life so he knew it was normal for him and shouldn't be ashamed but he was. "Dean called you huh?" He felt a twinge of betrayal.

"Yeah because he was worried." He looked at him and assessed him. "Honestly I have been worried about you too but you seem different now. I can't explain it. You seem happy like truly happy." He sipped his coffee and leaned in. "Cas, did you get laid?"

"No!" He shouted so loud he heard the restaurant get quiet. "No," He said calmer. "Dean, he and his brother they helped pull me out of my mind."

"Good." He sat down the coffee cup. "Sorry, you didn't get any though. This Dean he must be one hell of a guy. Most people would call a family member out of concern about someone's mental state."

"Dean is a good guy. He has been taking care of me. He cooked for me yesterday, stayed with me for two days and today he made me coffee."

He smiled. It was a warm smile, not the usual teasing smile that adorned Gabriel's face. "Cas, you're starting to sound like me when I talk about Rowena."

He felt a blush creep on his face. "Honestly," He looked around suddenly aware of those around him and what he was about to say. It was as if he was spilling a closely guarded secret to Gabe. "I think I…" he leaned in and whispered. "I think I love Dean." There he said it the words that had been in his mind since Dean's near confession the night before. His heart thudded it knew it was right. This was love, he loved Dean.

"I can tell." He held out his hand. "Give me your phone."

"Why?"

"I want to send Dean a thank you. He'll understand." Gabriel sat beside Castiel and took the phone. He held it up above them and took a picture. He got back on his side of the booth and handed it to Castiel. "Look at the picture."

Castiel did that. He opened up his galley and seen the selfie with him and his brother. Castiel blinked. He had many photos taken of himself at family events and school pictures but none of them did he look this happy. He stared at it he hardly recognized himself.

"Love is a good look on you, Cas." Gabriel said with a smile. "I have never seen you that happy in my life."

He smiled his blush grew deeper and he sent the picture to Dean with the message: _Gabriel said I should send this to you as a thank you._ He stared at the picture for a minute. Gabriel was right he hadn't seen himself so happy before. He smiled again and put his phone away. "I really enjoyed having him at my place for the last few days. I didn't realize how lonely I was until he stayed." He felt a twinge of worry hit him. "But… he's probably going to go home today."

"You know he doesn't have to. You could you know ask him to move in with you."

He frowned. "Gabe, I… I don't know if I can do that."

"Sure you can. Dad gave you the house remember it's yours."

"No not that… I don't know… what if he says no?"

"Do you think he would say no?"

He paused and thought. Would Dean say no? Or would he say yes? He felt his heart pound. Dean had been very domestic the last few days. He said he enjoyed cooking for him. He licked his lips and thought about how great it would be; waking up every day beside the one you love, having meals with them, coffee in the morning, working together as a team, being together always. His mind was snapped into reality when his meal was set in front of him. "I'm going to look for work today." He said avoiding the subject at hand. He and Dean could deal with it on their own he had his answer.

"Oh really?" Gabriel undid his silverware. "I meant to tell you. Rowena said the local gallery is looking for part-time help."

"Really?" He almost choked on his food in shock.

He nodded. "Yeah, figured it would be something you would be interested in."

"I am very interested." At least then he could not only get a steady paycheck he could get his foot in the art world door.

They were silent for a bit when Gabriel said. "So back to our previous conversation, I think you should ask Dean to move in with you." He finished off the last bite of his food. "Castiel, I am worried about your mental health. I know that you didn't… recover as well as the rest of us and… I would feel better if you had someone living with you."

He let out an irritated huff and wondered if the two of them had planned this together. "Gabriel, Dean is my boyfriend, not my nurse,"

He cut him off. "I know that. Listen it's just… dude, I was honestly shocked he cares for you that much. I mean, I wasn't like Michael and flat out didn't like him the moment he walked in the door and my attitude was if you liked them then that was fine but he really seems to care and I just want you to be happy."

"Okay, Gabe, I understand."

Gabriel stood up. "I got to go." He picked up the bill. "I have a client coming by soon. Let me know how the job thing goes." He patted him on the shoulder as he walked by.

Castiel got up from the booth and made his way out of the door. He got in his car and drove to the art gallery. The gallery was in the middle of downtown the hustle and bustle part of town to draw in tourists. Whenever they had events in town it was in this part of town which boiled down to farmers markets, art fairs, and chili-cook offs. He parked in a parking area that had meters for parking. He pulled out some change and fed the meter and gave himself at least an hour. He checked his phone and seen a message from Dean:

_At shop by myself. Dad took off and Bobby is busy getting paperwork down. I'll be getting off work late_

He frowned. He felt a sinking feeling that Dean and his father had a fight. He chewed on his lip. He wished Dean's father was more accepting like his father. He sent him an okay and put his phone away.

He walked into the art gallery. It was a nice place that smelled of paint and incense. He inhaled a breath. He had come to the gallery his first day back in town. He remembered one time Amara had brought him here. It was a nice day. Gabriel and Michael had no interest in art but to him, this was as close to heaven as he could get. Short of opening a brand new container of paint. He stepped in when he was greeted by a short woman with long brown hair.

"Hello, and welcome to the art gallery. Are you a tourist? I don't think I have seen you here before?"

"Oh, no I live here." He held out his hand. "My name is Castiel."

She shook his hand. "I'm Kelly. So what brings you to the gallery? Are you looking for inspiration? Looking to buy something?"

He blinked. "Oh uh, I heard that you uh, had a need for part-time help." He fiddled with his hands suddenly feeling nervous.

She smiled. "Oh, oh you heard about that." She pointed to the office in behind her. "Let's sit and talk then."

He nodded and followed her in there. She sat behind a desk and he sat across from her.

"So, Castiel, what interests you in working here?"

He felt his face grow red. "Um, I like art." His voice squeaked out. He shook his head as she raised her eyebrow at him. Crap he was messing up. He felt even more nervous. He took in a breath. He was doing this for himself; he was making himself better for himself and for Dean too. He steadied his pounding heart and started again. "I am an art student at the local school. I have been drawing since as far back as I could remember. I haven't really worked before… I moved back to town recently. I was more focused on my actual art and then my father left me his house and I decided it was time for me to grow up and get a job." He still felt shaky but a little bit better when she smiled at him.

"You seem extremely nervous. But you are an art student here? We get art from the school that passes through here. We do an exhibit for them at the end of their semester. So your name is Castiel?"

"Yes, uh, Castiel James Novak."

She picked up a piece of paper. "How do you spell that?"

He spelled out his name. He was still so nervous.

"The job is a pretty simple one. We just need someone here in the evenings part-time. Our last part-timer moved and I can't work nights. Typically you will be working on the weekends when we are open longer sometimes during the week if someone needs a day off. Basic responsibilities are to manage paperwork when a piece is sold, maintain the relationship with the public, and change out the paintings when new exhibits come in." She smiled at him. "Pretty simple stuff. Think you can do it?"

"Y-yes." He nodded

"Okay. Can I have your phone number?"

He gave his phone number.

"I will call you and let you know about the job." She reached out for a handshake. He took her hand. "Thank you for coming in. It was nice to meet you, Castiel."

"Thank you… for the uh, interview. It was nice to meet you too, Kelly." He got up from the desk and walked out of the office. His mind was swimming. He wondered if he had a chance at the job or if it was a waste of time. He decided to look around the art gallery before he left. He checked his phone and seen there was no message from Dean. He sighed. Poor Dean must have been busy. He put his phone away and walked the gallery.

There were fine examples of paintings up. Some realistic, some abstract, all of them talented. There were photos or local places and plant life, and a few ceramic pieces. He sat on a bench in front of one basic picture of a rolling green hill. He was hypnotized by its simple beauty. He realized the day was getting away from him. He still had his own art at home waiting to be finished. He got up from the bench and headed to the door. He waved at Kelly on the way out.

He walked over to his car and got in and headed home. The drive home seemed quick. He got out of the car and into his house. He sighed when it suddenly felt so empty and devoid of life. He was thinking Gabriel was right. He needed someone here with him. A reason to run home, make it look nice and everything. He headed to his personal art studio and looked at the painting he had been working on. It was one of Dean with angel wings. You couldn't really tell it was Dean unless you really looked at it. He started to color it in. He had drawn it repeatedly and changed it multiple times. This angelic person had worshipers below him. He knew they represented him. He chewed on his low lip and focused on coloring it. Green was the color. Green like Dean's eyes. Castiel had always liked green but since he had seen Dean's eyes everything needed to be green to him. It was the last painting in his art set. He had a few of Dean, one he did of the woods behind his house, one he did of the Impala that Dean didn't know about, and one of his dad asleep on the couch. He had felt like it was a wide enough view of the world around him these last few months.

His mind was single focused on his work when his phone went off. He jumped and looked at it. It was from Dean:

_Had a long day. Going to go home. Talk later._

He felt a brief flutter of disappointment that Dean was returning to his apartment but he wasn't surprised. Dean probably missed his bed. He looked at the time and realized he had been working for hours. He looked up at the painting it was nearly done now. He rubbed his eyes and let out a long groan. He sat up and stretched his back popped and creaked in protest. That was too long to be sitting in one place. He walked around the art room and started to clean up. His stomach announced that he had forgotten to feed it.

He heard a knock at the door and frowned. Who was it? He walked towards the front door and opened it to find Dean standing there. "Dean?"

"Hiya, Cas." He said and flashed him a big dorky grin that Castiel couldn't help but find cute.

He felt really confused why was Dean here? "I thought you were heading home."

He sighed and looked into his eyes. Their eyes locked green on blue. "The thing is, Cas…" He sucked in a breath and said. "I think I am home."

What? Dean thought he was home? What did he mean by that? He blinked then it dawned on him. Dean wanted to be with him. To Dean, this was becoming his home now with Castiel. He smiled nodded and stepped aside from the door. "Welcome home, Dean."

Dean smiled as he walked in. He reached out and grabbed Castiel and found his lips.

Castiel could have died just then and there. It was a powerful loving kiss as if Dean was pouring all of his feelings into it. He felt Dean run his hands through his hair and down his back. Castiel let out a content moan as Dean finally broke the kiss. Castiel looked up at him his green eyes half closed. He looked at him with such a loving expression Castiel just wanted to kiss him again. He moved and grabbed Dean's face and placed a firm kiss on his lips. His tongue darted out and licked the seam of Dean's mouth. Dean opened his mouth for him and they explored each other with their tongues. Castiel felt his excitement boiling when his stomach growled.

Dean laughed into his mouth and pulled away. "Sounds like someone's hungry. I didn't figure you had eaten yet."

He felt his face grow warm and it wasn't just from the make-out session. "Yes, well, I was busy."

He laid his hand on his shoulder. "Let's order a pizza than."

"Sounds good."

Dean ordered the pizza and it arrived soon after. The two of them devoured the pizza and Castiel watched Dean the whole time as he ate. He was looking for the courage to ask Dean to make it official.

Dean let out a small burp and he took a swig of his beer. "God, it was such a long day." He put his feet up on the coffee table and let out a sigh. "Glad it's over with."

"Dean," Castiel started.

He looked up at him and smiled. His face was so full of love and of joy it made Castiel feel like the most important person in the world. "Yeah, Cas?"

"I was… I want you to know that…" He sighed and closed his eyes. He thought about Dean's lips on his, and loving expression. "Dean, I love you." It came out of his mouth before he could stop it. Blush filled his face as he realized what he said. He felt his hand on his own and he looked into Dean's eyes.

"I love you too." He reached out and stroked Castiel's face. "That's… why I came back here. There's nothing for me at my place just my stuff. I wanted to be with you."

"Dean… Dean I," he looked away and looked for the nerve. "I think, I think we should move in together." He said it. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He felt Dean press a kiss to his lips again.

"Me too, Cas." He murmured against his mouth.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around Dean. He pressed another kiss on his mouth. "But as much as I am enjoying this I am still hungry."

Dean laughed as he placed more pizza on his plate and gave it to him. "Glad I got two of these."

He took a bite out of his and looked to his boyfriend. Yes, them sitting together on the couch sharing a meal this felt right. His heart sored he couldn't wait to see what more there was to come. This is where he belonged with Dean Winchester.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: An early update. I will try to do more than one chapter a week now that I am getting to the end of this. But I make no promises. Once again thanks for reviews, faves, and follows.

The Muse

Chapter 21

Dean's alarm signaled it was time to get up. He reached out for his phone and shut it off. He felt a weight on his chest and looked down to see Castiel with his head on his chest, fingers balled up in his shirt sound asleep. Dean was fairly certain Cas would sleep through an atomic bomb. He smiled fondly and started to card his fingers through the other man's hair. "Cas." He spoke softly.

Castiel scrunched up his already closed eyes and let out a cute little groan. "No." He murmured in Dean's shirt.

"Come on, baby. Time to get up." He ran his hand down his back and Castiel let out a soft chuckle that almost could have passed for a giggle.

"I said no, Dean. Start the day without me."

He sighed. "Babe, you are on my chest. I can't get up, I need to pee and I really need some coffee. Besides how can we move in together if I never bring my stuff over?"

He let out a little annoyed sound and rolled off of Dean onto his other side. "There." He murmured in his pillow

Dean rolled his eyes and got out of bed. He looked at Castiel and considered pulling him out of bed but thought better of it. He headed to the bathroom, took care of business and took a shower. He got dressed and peaked back into their room. Castiel was still asleep. He chuckled to himself and headed downstairs.

He pulled out his phone and texted Sam. Sam was still in town he wasn't going to leave until next week. He didn't get a chance to talk to him the day before. He had told him the previous night about him and Castiel deciding to move in together. Sam was excited for them both and offered to help him move. He informed Sam that he was up and was waiting on Castiel to get himself in gear.

He walked into the kitchen and started up some coffee. He looked around the kitchen and made little notes on how to make it look better. He liked the idea of having home projects. He couldn't do anything to fix up his apartment as he was renting it but this house was soon going to be their house and he couldn't wait till he could flex his handyman's muscles and make this old place sparkle. He poured the freshly brewed coffee in a mug and headed back upstairs.

He walked into their bedroom and over to Castiel's side of the bed. "Cas, come on Cas." He held the coffee close to his face so he would smell the aroma.

Castiel slowly opened his blue eyes and stared at the cup. "Coffee in bed? I like it." He reached out for the cup and Dean moved it.

"Out of the bed mister, you can sleep in later."

He let out a groan that would have rivaled most teenagers as he tossed off his blankets and finally sat up in bed. "You're lucky I love you."

"I love you too, baby." He grinned as he handed him his coffee

Castiel took it and took a sip. "Hmmm, so good." He got up from the bed and yawned loudly.

Dean started to make up the bed. "You get clean I'll get breakfast ready. We are going to meet Sam at my place. He rented a truck already."

He nodded. "Okay." He yawned and stretched. He took his mug off coffee and wandered into the bathroom.

He shook his head as he finished making up the bed. He went back to the kitchen and dug up the pancake mix. He also needed to go grocery shopping so they had food in the house. He started to make the pancakes and pour them on the griddle. As the last pancake finished he heard Castiel come down the stairs.

The other man let out a loud yawn as he stumbled in the kitchen. "More coffee." He stated as he poured another cup and flopped down at the table.

"Not a morning person are you?" Dean teased as he placed a plate in front of him.

"No, not really." He rubbed his eyes and picked up his fork. "Thanks by the way."

"Of course, babe." Dean sat down with his own plate. "We need to go grocery shopping once we get everything settled."

He gave a shy smile. "Yeah, I know… I'm not much on cooking."

"I noticed. Good thing I came along or you would have gone hungry."

Castiel let out a soft chuckle. The two ate in silence and they finished off their coffee. Dean cleared the table and Castiel promised to the dishes later.

They went outside to the car after Dean sent a text to Sam that they were ready. They decided to take Dean's car as it had more trunk space than Castiel's car. As Dean climbed into the driver's side he suddenly felt nervous. This was so final as it was. Once all of his stuff was in Castiel's then it was official. Though they were already boyfriends this was a big step. It felt right and yet it scared Dean. The last time he moved in with a significant other they changed for the worse. He looked over at Castiel who was focused on his hands. Castiel was nervous too and this somehow made Dean feel better. He reached out and took his hand and ran his thumb across his knuckles.

Castiel looked at him and smiled. "Focus on the road, Dean. I would like to get there in one piece."

He laughed and took his eyes off of him but not his hand. They held hands all the way to Dean's apartment. Sam was already there with the truck standing beside it. He gave them a wave as they pulled up.

They two them got out of the car. Sam held up a gift bag with a smile. "I have a present."

"I see that." Dean said. He took it and looked into it.

"That's from me and Eileen." Sam said he smiled broadly

Dean looked and realized it was a new skillet, a small pot, and candles. He pulled out one of the candles and looked at his brother his eyebrow raised. "Candles?"

Sam looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, you know for those romantic evenings."

Castiel looked at the gift bag. "I think it is nice thank you, Sam."

"You're uh, welcome. It was Eileen's idea so…" He smirked

"So you're girl likes candlelight dinners?" Dean teased as he placed the candle back in the bag. He noticed Sam blush as he said.

"We also put some recipes in there so you have a lot of new food ideas."

Dean put the bag in the car. He was looking forward to using the new kitchen equipment and the recipes. He looked at Castiel and wondered if he was a candlelit dinner type of person. Dean had never had that with anyone before and he knew Cas hadn't as he was single until he met him.

The trio headed up to Dean's apartment. Dean really didn't have a lot. He packed only what he needed when he left Lisa's he wanted out of there so bad. He felt the butterflies in his stomach and he reminded himself that Castiel was way different than Lisa. He set to pack up his clothes with Castiel's help.

Time seemed to fly by. They were soon carrying the boxes and bags down to the van. With everything boxed and bagged Dean realized he had a lot more stuff than he thought. Dean decided he would donate his couch as they didn't need two of those. Castiel suggested they keep his bed and put it in the guest bedroom for when Sam wanted to visit. The furniture was a bit harder to get down the stairs to the van. Dean found himself wondering how he ever got it up the stairs in the first place. With the van loaded up, they drove to a nearby diner for lunch.

They sat at a booth together Dean and Castiel beside each other. Sam across from them. They ordered their food and waited.

"So," Sam started as he unwrapped his straw. "Am I the first one to know the good news?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to call Charlie and tell her once I get settled in."

"I think Gabriel had an inclination this was coming." Castiel said he had his phone in his hand and was looking at it. "However, I did tell him this morning. He has since told everyone in my family." He looked up and blushed. "I have become very popular. This thing has been going off nonstop." He chuckled. "They want to throw us a house warming party."

Dean rolled his eyes. Things like that weren't really his scene. "They don't have to. I mean your dad left almost everything in the house so we got what we need."

"I know but… we'll see."

"So you haven't told mom and dad?" Sam asked

Dean shook his head. "No, I…" He looked over at Castiel and sighed. "Me and dad got into a big fight at work yesterday. I mean a big one. He stormed out afterward and I haven't spoken to him since."

Sam shook his head. "I'm sorry, Dean. But we can't hide this you know that you will be in the same neighborhood eventually they are going to notice."

"I know, Sammy." Dean folded his arms and leaned on the table and sighed. "I just I don't know what to say."

Castiel looked over at him and patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, Dean. I will support you."

"Thanks, Cas." He patted his hand. "But Sam is right. I have to tell them somehow."

Castiel's phone rang and he frowned at it. He pulled it out of his pocket. "I'll be back." He said to Dean as he got up.

Dean heard Castiel say hello as he walked off. A feeling of dread hit him what if something happened to Chuck?

"You know you can start by telling mom." Sam offered up.

He looked at his little brother and gave out a sigh. "I guess I could." He rested his elbows on the table. "I just, I don't know how she is going to react you know. She didn't really get to know Cas that day so I mean…" His thoughts were lost when he saw Castiel heading back towards them with a huge grin on his face. Clearly, the phone call wasn't bad news. Dean almost didn't get time to brace himself as Castiel flung himself on him for a large tight hug. "Whoa, Cas, buddy what's up?"

"I got the job at the gallery!" He cheered and kissed Dean on the cheek.

"That's great news, Cas!" Sam cheered as he raised his soda glass up in celebration.

"I'm happy to hear that, Cas." Dean said as he returned the kiss on his cheek

Castiel untangled himself from Dean and sat back down. Dean couldn't help but smile as he watched him swing his legs like an excited child. He really did want this job. He smiled to himself he wanted to do something with Castiel to celebrate. Maybe he could cook him a nice dinner?

Their food arrived shortly thereafter and they began to eat.

"I have to go up to the gallery to fill out paperwork. I'll start this weekend." Castiel informed Dean

Dean nodded. "Okay." At least with Castiel out of the house, it gave him time to surprise him with a dinner.

They finished their meals and paid their bills and headed back on the task. They brought the moving truck into the driveway of Castiel's place and started to carry everything into the house. Dean was grateful he didn't have more than what he did. The bugger stuff was put away and Dean turned to Castiel and said. "You know me and Sam can handle the rest of this. Why don't you go and take care of that paperwork."

"Are you sure? I don't mind helping a bit more." Castiel said

Dean smiled at him. "Nah go we got it."

The artist nodded and smiled warmly. "Okay, I think I'm going to stop by at Gabe's place and visit dad."

"Okay, take your time." Dean nodded and watched him leave the house. He turned to Sam and sighed. "Alright, let's get this done."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "So, what are you doing?"

"About to put away my clothes." He stated with a sarcastic tone. He carried his clothing upstairs and Sam followed him.

"Are you planning something, Dean?" Sam asked with a tease

Dean frowned as he opened the closet and seen there was no space. "Okay looks like my clothes are going in the guest room for now." He shut the closet and looked at Sam and sighed. "Yeah, I'm planning on making Cas a nice dinner. Get some use out of those candles you and our girlfriend gave us."

Sam grinned. "Oh, I see." He winked at him and Dean rolled his eyes. "You want me to go so you can prepare for dinner?"

"No, not yet. We got to get my clothes up first."

They found a draw in the dresser that wasn't occupied and Dean placed his underwear in it and his socks in the next one and t-shirts in the bottom one. That just left the clothes that had to be hung up. He smiled at the dresser with his clothes in it. It was official then and there. The two of them headed to the guest room and hung up Dean's clothes.

"So when are you going to tell mom?" Sam asked as he handed Dean a flannel shirt on its hanger.

"I have no idea, Sammy." He huffed as he hung up a sweater he would probably never wear.

"I get that your scared but trust me. Mom will be okay with it." Sam handed him a button down shirt that Dean rarely ever wears.

"I know, Sam." He sighed again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He looked at Sam and down at the phone. He could do it with Sam here. Sam rested his hand on his shoulder it was firm and full of support. He dialed their mother. He turned it onto speaker mode so Sam could hear it too.

"Hello?" Mary's familiar voice came through the speaker of the phone.

"Hi, mom." Dean said softly.

"Dean, is there something wrong? I heard about the fight at the shop." She trailed off that last part. Mary was searching for answers.

Dean let out a small sigh. "Yeah me and dad fought but that's not why I called mom. I have something to tell you." He took in a breath and said. "I've moved in with Cas."

"Oh!" She said her voice a mixture of joy and confusion. "I guess. I guess I didn't realize you were this serious about him."

"Mom, I told you and dad I love Cas and I mean it."

There was a pause on Mary's end and Dean closed his eyes. His mother was either going to lecture him for moving in with someone or for moving in with a guy he had only been dating for a few months. He held his breath then she said. "That's great, Dean. I'm happy for you. Sometime you should have dinner and invite us over."

That was not what he was expecting. "What? You're not mad?"

"No, honey, clearly this Castiel guy means a lot to you and well I have given it some thought." He heard her sit down. "As long as you're happy than I am happy; that's all I really want is for my children to be happy."

He let out a sigh mixed with a sob he didn't realize he was crying. His mother accepted him. His mother was okay with him being with a man as long as he was happy. He let out a shaky sob and Sam rubbed his back to offer comfort. "Thanks, mom it means a lot to me."

He heard her sniff as well. "I still want to get to know this man of yours better though." She laughed. "Oh, and as for John." She sighed. "Let me deal with your father, okay?"

"Okay, mom." He heard the phone click off. He tossed the phone on the nearby table and let out another sob. They were happy tears, tears of melted away fears. Sam gave him and hug and let him cry it out. Dean finally pushed Sam away after what felt like ten minutes. "I'm good, man." He wiped his eyes. "I got to go to the store and get food."

"Okay, Dean." Sam said as he patted him on the shoulder.

They walked out of the house and Sam headed to the moving van. "I'm going to take the couch to the donation center." He looked back at Dean. "I'm glad mom didn't freak out."

"Me too." Dean said as he unlocked the door to the Impala

"Listen, Dean, if you need anything don't hesitate to call. Even when I go back to school. You're my brother and I will always be there for you, okay?"

Dean fought back the urge to cry again. "Okay, Sammy." He smiled

Sam rolled his eyes and got in the moving van and left the driveway.

He got in his own car and headed to the grocery store. His mind was awash with all matter of feelings. He picked up some steaks, potatoes, and frozen corn. He grabbed a bottle of wine and a pie because he wasn't going to have a fancy dinner with no pie. He paid for everything and drove back home.

Dean rushed in and started to fry the steak. He didn't know how Cas liked his so he was winging it. He started the sides and put the pie on a pie plate. He set up the table and lit the candles. He knew Castiel was coming home soon. He smiled as he looked at the meal he prepared it looked great. No sooner than he admired his work the front door opened.

"Dean?" Castiel called out.

"Dining room." Dean called back. He stood there excitement boiling as he waited for Castiel to walk in. He couldn't help but feel proud as the other man stepped in.

Castiel's already wide eyes seemed to have grown wider, his mouth dropped open. "Dean?" He asked. He walked up to him his eyes never left the table. He stopped in front of Dean and gave him a kiss. "What is this?"

"A celebration dinner, since you got a job and the first official meal for us living together. I thought I would make something special." He pulled out a chair for Castiel and the other man all but fell in it.

"Wow, Dean, this looks amazing."

Dean sat down. "I hope it tastes good."

Castiel cut off a piece of his steak and let out a small moan. "So good, Dean." He focused on his food and took a sip of his wine.

"Thank you, Cas. Did everything go okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, got everything filled out." Castiel seemed to look distant for a minute. "Dad didn't seem to be doing very well. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up in the hospital." He gave Dean a weak smile. "But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to enjoy our time together."

Dean nodded. They ate their meal, then their pie. Dean put away the leftovers and cleared the table. Castiel did the dishes as he had promised. The two of them wandered into the living room to watch a movie.

They sat on the couch together cuddled up. Dean was only half-way paying attention to the movie as he watched Castiel's face the whole time. Who needs a movie when your partner makes some of the most interesting faces throughout?

"I called mom." He said to Castiel as he kissed him on the cheek

"Oh? How did that go?"

"She was fine with us moving in together. Said she wants to have dinner here and get to know you." He watched as Castiel smiled at him.

"I am glad to hear that, Dean." He buried his head in Dean's chest. "Dinner was wonderful by the way." He looked up at him. "I liked it. It was good and romantic."

Dean looked down at him and smiled. The night was getting a little late. "I'm glad you liked it, Cas." He kissed his forehead. "Cas, want to head to bed? I know I'm tired from all the moving we did today."

He looked up at him and nodded. "Yes, that sounds good."

Dean took his head and led him upstairs. They got dressed in their night clothes and headed to bed.

Castiel pulled down the covers for both of them. He looked up at him and smiled. "Dean, can I hold you tonight?"

"Sure." Dean mumbled as he felt Castiel wrap his muscular arms around him.

He leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. Dean returned the kiss. Soon they lost themselves to the kisses and to their own passions and feel asleep in each other's arms both completely satisfied.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Thanks for reviews, faves, and follows. This chapter is a beast. It was longer than I wanted it to be and harder to write than I expected but here it is.

The Muse

Chapter 22

Castiel slowly opened his eyes. He had his arms still wrapped around Dean. He smiled fondly as he looked at the other man who was sound asleep. He reached up and slowly began to card his fingers through Dean's hair. The other man let out a soft sigh which made Castiel smile. He couldn't believe it himself yet, he and Dean had made love the night before. Castiel was fairly certain it was the greatest experience of his life. He had worried for a while that it would become awkward between them once they did the deed but as he laid there and watched Dean sleep he felt nothing but pure joy and adoration. They loved each other. It was felt last night. It was known to them both as they lost themselves in the moment between them.

Dean stirred and opened one of his golden green eyes. "Cas?" He asked his voice husky and half asleep.

"Morning, Dean." He placed a kiss on his forehead.

He let out a little grunt with the kiss. He leaned into Castiel's body. "Morning, Cas." He murmured. He kissed Castiel along his jawline.

He smirked as Dean covered him with kisses. He laid there as Dean worked his lips along his face and neck. Occasionally, he would return the kiss to Dean.

Dean finally stopped and stared into Castiel's eyes. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." He smiled. Dean had told him that several times the night before. He kissed Dean's cheek. "You are beautiful too."

He smiled and slowly untangled himself from Castiel despite his protests.

Castiel felt cold and alone as he lost Dean's body heat. He watched Dean climb out of bed. "Dean?" He questioned.

"I need a shower." Dean muttered. He picked up his discarded clothes off the floor. "Want to join me?"

Castiel tossed back the covers. He collected his own clothes and followed Dean into the shower. They took the shower and dried off and got dressed.

"I'll make some coffee and breakfast." Dean informed him.

"Thanks, baby." Castiel walked into their room to change the sheets and make up the bed. He stripped the sheets and smelled the scent of coffee bubbling from downstairs. He placed the new sheets on there and got the bed nice and presentable and ready for the night. He smiled as he thought about the night before. Everything was perfect. He had a job; his boyfriend was with him now. His heart was practically bursting with happiness. His thoughts were cut off when his phone rang. He looked over at it and grabbed it. He spots Gabriel's name on the caller ID and a sinking feeling hits the pit of his stomach. Then again Gabriel could just be calling.

"Hello, Gabe." He answered

"Cas," Gabriel sounded stressed

Worry shot through Castiel like a bullet. Gabriel almost never got stressed. "Gabriel, what is wrong?"

He let out a sigh. "It's dad he,"

Castiel sucked in a breath. He felt his hands shake as terror worked through his body.

"He's in the hospital. He, God, Cas, he got so sick last night I didn't know what to do so we took him to the ER this morning. They are saying the treatments aren't working they want to do surgery. I… he wants to see you and… listen just come to the hospital, okay?"

He nodded then realized he was on the phone. "Yes, I uh I'll be there." He hung up the phone his body suddenly felt weak. Though the tension between him and his dad had decreased over the last bit he was still was working through his feelings over what had happened. His knees buckled and he felt himself hit the ground. His body shuttered. What if his father died before he got a chance to forgive him? He covered his face. He didn't want to deal with this. He didn't want his father to be sick and possibly dying. It was easier when he was healthy then he could continue on as he had been.

"Cas, Cas, what's wrong?" He heard Dean ask as he walked in the room.

He looked up at Dean. "It's… dad." His voice sounded so weak he almost didn't recognize himself. He felt strong arms wrap around him. Dean had gotten down on the floor beside him and taken him into a hug.

"What happened?"

"Gabriel had to take him to the hospital this morning. He… must have gotten really sick after I left yesterday." He recalled how pale and sickly his dad looked when he left the day before. "They want to do surgery. He wants to see me and…" his voice gave out. A sob wracked through him. The fear was real. It was hitting him there was a high chance he could lose his father. "Dean, what if he," He couldn't even form the words in his mouth.

Dean wrapped his arms tighter around him and rested Castiel's head on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Cas." He held his face in his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. "I'll be there with you to support you." He helped him off the floor. "I didn't start breakfast but I got coffee. Come on we should go."

Castiel gave a nod and headed downstairs. He poured himself coffee in a to-go cup and watched as Dean walked down the stairs. Castiel's mind was blank and yet it was racing. He couldn't focus he kept thinking of the horrors that waited for him at the hospital. He could recall vividly when he was told about his mother dying and now here was his dad fighting to keep alive.

"Come on." Dean said his voice full of confidence. He took Castiel's hand and led him out of the house

Castiel was grateful to have Dean. He couldn't even process what was going on as Dean placed him in the car. Scenery flew by as they drove to the hospital. He looked up and seen the old brick establishment come into view.

Dean found a place to park the car. "Come on." Dean walked around and let him out of the car. He took his hand and they walked to the ER part of the hospital

Castiel frowned as the smell of sterile alcohol, bad food, and old coffee hit his nose. He spotted a waiting area and noticed the flaming red hair of Rowena. Apparently, Dean noticed as well as he started to lead him towards the room. Castiel walked in it was a room full of faux leather chairs, with an old coffee pot in the corner, old magazines and a TV that barely got service.

"Oh, honey." Rowena said. She walked up to him and flung her arms around him and held him tightly. "He took a turn sometime last night. He wouldn't let us take him to the ER till this morning." She cupped his face and looked into his arm. "Chin up, honey." She wiped his face and he realized he was crying.

He held back a sob and felt Dean lay a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be fine." He sniffled.

"Gabriel and Michael are already back there with him. Amara is on her way." Anna informed them. Her arms crossed and a frown on her face.

Castiel nodded. "Okay." He let out a shaky sigh. "Can I see him?"

Rowena gave him a soft smile. "He's through those doors you have to be buzzed in." She pointed

He stepped out of the small room. He realized Dean was with him. He smiled faintly and headed to the doors but Dean stopped him.

"They are, Rowena said they are only letting close family back there so I can't go." Dean said he frowned and rested his hand on his shoulder. "But I will stay out here. Hell, I will stay here all day if you want to."

"Dean." Castiel felt his eyes grow wet again. "Thank you." He wrapped his arms around him in a hug.

"Of course, baby." He gave him a kiss on the lips

He smiled fondly at Dean and headed through the doors after the nurse buzzed him in. His heart pounded with worry as he walked up to the desk. He looked at the nurse who looked up at him. Her eyes tired and expression indifferent she clearly had been doing this for far too long.

"Yes?" She asked her voice flat as paper

"I am here to see Chuck Novak." He said softly

She clicked through some files. "Room 4B." She pointed to a room behind her.

He thanked her and headed to the room. It was separated by the others with a glass partition but it really didn't feel like a room. There were only two chairs inside and plenty of machines many of them beeping no doubt monitoring his father's life. His father lay on the bed his eyes closed, there was no color in his face which made his dark beard stand out in contrast against his white flesh. He had oxygen being fed into his nose, an IV in, and stuff stuck to his hands monitoring his heartbeat.

"Cas," Gabriel said softly. He walked over to him and gave him a hug. Michael remained seated his eyes focused on their father. His expression blank most likely still trying to process what happened. "He, man, he just got so sick." Gabriel said. He let go of Castiel and ran his hands through his hair. He shook his head and sighed. "They… they want to take him back for surgery and cut out some of the tumors." He looked back at their brother. "Mike," He said

Michael jerked his head up and looked at them. "Yes?" he asked his eyes wide and a looked surprised.

"Cas." Gabriel said as he pointed at the youngest Novak

He got up from his chair and walked over to them. He crossed his arms and sighed. "Glad you could make it." He responded his tone flat.

Castiel concluded that Michael was taking this harder than he was letting on. He reached out and placed his hand on his eldest brother's shoulder. "Michael, maybe you should get out and get some coffee or something."

He looked at his hand and gave a nod. "Yeah, I think I will do that." He patted his hand. "Dad wanted to talk to you anyways." He looked over at their father.

Castiel followed his line of sight and noticed that Chuck had his eyes open. He felt a twinge of unknown feelings as he felt like he was looking into his own eyes. He swallowed as he recalled his aunt telling him he had his father's eyes. He heard Michael bid him goodbye and leave the room.

Gabriel looked towards their father and gave a nod. "I'm going to give you two a moment." He headed out of the room to leaving Castiel alone with his father.

"Dad," He started as he walked up to Chuck

Chuck sat up in the bed and brought the bed up to a sitting position. "Hey, son," He said his voice sounded short-winded

He felt a twinge of sorrow what if the cancer had gotten in his lungs? "Michael said you wanted to speak to me?"

He nodded. "Yeah… I think…" he shook his head. "I've tried before. But there is nothing I can say that can offer up a decent apology. I was a lousy father and… I'm just sorry. I have tried and tried but I can never seem to say what I want to fix this." He took his water pitcher and gave it a long sip. "This stuff dries you out." He said with a gesture to the oxygen going into his nose. "I am sorry. From the depths of my heart; I never meant to hurt you. Me and your mother were so young… I wasn't ready to be a father when it happened. I… got into drinking thinking that would help me write better or something and I found myself caring more about drinking than my family. Your mother I had no idea she was on drugs. She filed for divorce and left… I figured it would be fine an odd weekend once in a while but you know other than phone calls or a card I rarely heard from you guys." He clenched his fists. "I wasn't ready for that phone call though. When Michael called me crying because of what was going on. You know what sobers a man up real quick is his child calls him and tells him that their mother is using drugs and no longer feeding her kids." He rubbed his hands together. "I couldn't get my shit straight you know. I tried and tried and with your grandparents, we at least got you guys out of there. I failed as a father… I didn't realize how hard it would be then I got you guys back." He ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to deal with you," He trailed off

Castiel flinched. He had remembered going back to his father's home. Michael was happy to be reunited with his father, Gabriel was adjusting and Castiel… he looked away as shame washed over.

"I want you to know it's not your fault." Chuck said

He frowned. He remembered being afraid to be there. Hiding from his father, crying about school, therapy didn't seem to help him and after so much of him fighting with Chuck his father gave up on him. Or at least that's what it always felt like to him. Castiel would have given up on himself then too if he was in Chuck's position.

"I let Amara take you because she knew what she was doing. Son… Castiel, I love you. You are my child. I know that you wanted nothing to do with me. I know you blamed me for what happened with your mother and hell maybe it was my fault but I just," He reached out and took Castiel's arm. "We have tried several times… I am glad that you are growing close to your brothers and with Dean… I'm glad to see you finally open up to other people. I want a relationship with you, Castiel. I don't want you to see me as just some sperm donor I want to be a father to you." He gave him a weak smile. "I mean it, Cas, when this over when I'm recovering I want us to do stuff together like movies and dinner, and other family stuff. I really liked those times you came over to Gabe's and hung out so… I want more of that. I want to get to know you."

He gave him a weak smile in return. Half of him wanted to tell him he was twenty years too late but he felt his soul lift. It was what he wanted. He wanted to know his own father. He didn't want to continue down this path of seeing the other man as nothing to him. He let out a wet sound and gave a nod. He felt tears drip down his face. "I would like that too, dad."

Chuck rubbed his eyes and Castiel caught the glint of tears. "Just remember, Castiel, even if I don't make it through this I still love you."

"I," he started to say and Chuck stopped him.

"Don't say it unless you mean it. I know I need to earn your love." Chuck said

He went to say something when he heard someone walk in. He looked over his shoulder to see a dark haired woman he recognized. "Aunt Amara." He said with a smile.

She walked up to him and gave him a hug. "Good to see you, Cas." She pulled away and gave him a smile. "You look good." She looked over at Chuck and gave him a nod. She leaned in and whispered to Castiel. "I meet your boyfriend. Good job he seems like a keeper." She gave him a wink.

"Dad knows about Dean." He informed her with a smile.

She patted his shoulder. "I am happy to hear that you are being true to yourself." She looked over at Chuck and gave him a nod.

"Yeah, Amara, I know and I'm fine with it. If Cas is happy then I'm happy." Chuck turned his blue eyes to his son. "I meant what I said, Castiel, I really want a relationship with you. It may be too late to be your father but I would still like to be involved."

Castiel looked to Amara who was focused on Chuck. He took in a breath. He needed to be an adult this was an adult decision. It was time for him to be an adult now; no more hiding under his aunt's skirt, no more expecting others to make his decisions for him. He licked his lips and stared at Chuck. He could easily tell him no and walk off but there was a little part of him that actually did want to know his father. He wanted to know him as more than just the man who was responsible for his being, more than just the man in the corner writing, more than just the man who fell into a bottle and let his children's childhoods get trashed. He wanted to try. He wanted to hang up the resentment and the learned hatred and try. He looked into his father's eyes; eyes that were exactly like his. He gave a small nod. "Yes, dad, I would… I would like to try and I mean it. I'm not just saying it this time." He felt a notion of relief as those words left his mouth. He licked his lips and curled his fingers around his sleeve. "I know you have been trying. I haven't been trying as hard, you gave me the house, you supported me when I was depressed, you may not have been a father my whole life but in the last few months, you've actually done a… okay, job." He smiled

Chuck gave a shaky laugh. "Glad to know, Cas." He looked at Amara and back to him. "I want to talk to Amara alone for a bit. Maybe you should get some food with Dean. I doubt you ate this morning."

"I didn't I just drank my coffee."

"Breakfast is important young man." Chuck said. He gave him a nod. "Tell Dean I said 'thank you'."

He raised an eyebrow at that and left the room so his aunt and dad could talk. He spotted Michael in the hallway leaning against the wall. "Michael?"

"I was going to go back in and saw that Amara was here." He crossed his arms and sighed. "You never realize how quickly life can change until something like this happens."

"Dad isn't dead, Michael." Castiel informed him

"I know." He shook his head and looked off into the middle distance. Pain hit Castiel in the chest. Michael being the oldest of them had more memories of their father being well a father than he did. He could remember when they first moved back. How happy Michael was to be home. Castiel always felt like an outsider because of this. Michael hung on every word of Chuck despite everything that happened he remained a loyal son which impressed Castiel. Michael turned and looked at Castiel and shook his head. "I just hope he pulls through you know."

"Me too." Castiel said with a nod. He actually meant it. It wasn't an empty statement his words had real meaning to them.

"Get yourself some food." Michael said as he looked back to the middle distance.

He smiled weakly at his eldest brother and left the ER. He walked back through the big doors and to the waiting room where everyone was waiting. Dean was leaning against the wall and looked up at him. His green eyes swam with emotions.

"Cas." Dean breathed. He walked up to him and gave him a tight hug.

Castiel wanted to melt into his arms. He suddenly felt tired and drained. "Dean." His stomach growled reminding him he hadn't eaten anything.

Dean gave him a smile and took his hand. "Come on." He led him into the waiting room and was surprised to see Dean's parents and Sam there along with food.

He blinked and looked at Dean's family. "You guys are here?" He asked his voice laced with confusion.

Sam smiled and gave a nod. "Yeah, Dean called me and said your dad was in the hospital so we decided to come by and offer our support."

"And food. Don't forget the food." Gabriel announced from his chair in the corner as he chowed down on a breakfast sandwich.

Castiel gave them a weak smile. "Thank you."

Sam patted him on the shoulder and offered him up some food and a drink. "Eat okay."

He took the food and sat down in a chair beside Gabriel and started to eat. He watched the Winchesters talk amongst themselves as he ate. It really seemed weird to him that they came out to support him but it warmed his heart.

Dean walked up to him and ran his hand through his hair as he sat down. "I was surprised myself." He whispered to Castiel

"This was not how I was expecting our families to meet." Castiel said

He nodded. "Me either but here we are."

Castiel noticed the looks that Dean and John kept exchanging. He had forgotten about the fight. He felt a twinge of worry then wondered if Mary forced John to come up here to support them. He finished his food and thanked them for bringing it.

Gabriel got up from his chair and thanked the Winchesters. He looked at Castiel and told him. "I'm going to go back and see dad again." He stopped to give Rowena a hug and kiss and left the room.

Rowena looked at Castiel and gave a soft sigh. "I'm going to be heading out soon. I got to open up the shop." She held out her arms for a hug.

Castiel got up and gave his sister-in-law a hug. "Okay, Rowena, thank you for everything."

She gave him a pat on the back. "Of course my dear. Keep an eye on Gabe and call me if anything happens." And with that, she left.

He noticed Anna and Mary were talking amongst themselves now and he felt an odd sense of belonging. This was a family. The family was actually coming together and he was watching it happen. He got up from his chair and Dean followed him. He walked up to Sam. "Thanks for coming, Sam."

"Of course." Sam said. He gave him a hug. "Family takes care of family."

"Yes." He looked at John who was staring at him. He felt nervousness take over as John walked up to him.

"Can you step outside a minute?" John asked Castiel

Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him close as he glared at his father.

"Relax, Dean," John said. "I just want to talk to Castiel.

Dean looked over at Castiel. "Cas?"

"It's okay, Dean." Castiel said he patted his shoulder. He leaned in and gave Dean a kiss on the lips.

John headed out of the waiting area and Castiel followed. They headed down the hall some away from earshot of the rest of the family. "Listen, Castiel, I… I'm sorry for what I said when I met you." He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I was a jerk." He shook his head and let out a loud sigh. "Listen I… I'm not homophobic or anything and yeah my son being with a man is strange. I had you know my own ideas for what Dean should do. I wanted him to get married, have kids and take over the family business. I just… wasn't ready for Dean not to follow what I had in mind." He rubbed his hands together. "I didn't think about what I said. I just said it. I didn't know it would upset you so damn bad and I feel like the world's biggest jerk for upsetting you so bad." He reached out and Castiel backed away. "I'm not going to hit you, kid. I promise."

Castiel didn't move and let John place his hand on his shoulder and give him a firm pat. He eyed it and frowned at it for a moment.

"My boy really loves you, and if you keep him happy then I'm willing to overlook some things. As long as he is happy then I'll be happy."

He gave him a nod. "I'm glad you are willing to try to accept me." He looked at the floor and glanced back at John who gave him a smile an honest smile. "I… I don't know if Dean told you but I got a job… at the gallery."

"Good glad to know you got a real job." John stated flatly as if it was fact.

Anger flashed through Castiel. How dare he say to him? He huffed and turned his head his anger boiled over. He clenched his fists and pointed at John and spoke with a steady tone. No more hiding no more scared little boy in the corner he was a grown man. "I know you think being an artist isn't a job but it is mine. It's my passion. It's what I'm good at and I want you to respect that." He looked at him in the eyes. "I will get my art to sell, just to prove you wrong." He sucked in a breath he felt a surge of adrenaline from standing up for himself. "Also Dean has his own life and you can't tell him how to live it."

John looked shocked and Castiel expected him to hit him but instead, John laughed. "Well, look at that. The boy has a backbone." He patted his shoulder and walked off.

Castiel felt his legs tremble and nearly become weak. He stood up to John Winchester. He felt his heart do a flip. He let out a few shaky breathes and heard someone walk up to him. He looked up to see Dean.

"What did he say? What happened?" Dean asked as he reached to Castiel.

He repeated the conversation to Dean. "Then… Dean, I told him off."

Dean blinked then smiled. "Really?" He took him into a hug. He gave Castiel a kiss on the cheek. "You are strong you know that?"

He felt his heart ache. Yes, he was strong but he was growing and it was thanks to Dean. Just knowing he had his support he felt like he could take on anything. He didn't want to remain the scared little boy who was terrified of others he wanted to be a grown man who could face his own challenges. He buried his head in Dean's shoulder and holds onto the man he loves like a lifeline. The world felt so big and scary and was now feeling smaller and kinder. He heard a cough and he looked up to see Michael standing behind them his face red.

"Ugh, they are taking dad in for surgery now." Michael informed him.

Castiel untangled himself from Dean. "Okay." He said with a nod. "How long until… it's done?"

"Supposed to be a few hours." Michael nodded to the waiting room. "We should just sit and wait until then. Let dad know we stayed for support."

"Where's Aunt Amara?" Castiel asked

"She went out to get some coffee. She said she'd be back shortly." He nodded to the waiting room. "Come on."

Castiel took Dean's hand. He was feeling bold. "Okay." He followed his brother in the waiting room. He walked in his grip on Dean's hand was tight. He looked to the people in the room as if challenging them to say something.

Mary looked at them and smiled, Sam gave him a nod, his eyes fell to John who looked at them and gave them a weak smile. He looked over at Michael who made it pretty well known he didn't care for Dean. Michael looked at the two of them and smiled a warm smile. Castiel knew then Michael was growing to accept Dean.

Dean led them over to a couch and the two of them sat together. Castiel barely heard him mumble something as he pulled him into a hug.

Castiel nuzzled his head on Dean's shoulder. He felt complete. He felt like their family was forming before them and it felt right. He whispered. "I love you." to Dean as he rested his head on his shoulder. He stared at the TV that was on and just let himself be lost in the warmth that was Dean. He watched Gabriel and Sam have a lively conversation over what café sold the best cakes, Michael laughed and gave his opinion on the subject. Castiel smiled as their families intermingled like it should be.

Time ticked by, Mary and John left shortly. Mary told them to call her when Chuck got out of surgery as she left. Sam remained with them; at some point, Charlie texted Castiel and offered up her well wishes. The small group remained and played along with Family Feud on the TV.

"You know what we should do once dad is out of the hospital." Gabriel started. "We should totally have a game night."

"Yes." Dean agreed cheerfully. He looked down at Castiel. "What do you think, Cas?"

He gave him a warm smile. "I would like that."

"That would be pretty fun." Sam said

Michael gave a nod and put his arm around Anna. "Count us in."

Castiel smiled. He looked forward to it. He felt hope blooming. The hope of being a family of a merger of the Novaks and the Winchesters, spending holidays together, and of future game nights. He took Dean's hand in his and looked into Dean's eyes. He wanted to express his hopes and dreams but since he was surrounded by family; he hoped his looks could clearly get his feelings across.

Dean squeezed his hand and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and whispered. "Love you." In his ear.

Castiel ignored Gabriel's teasing as he focused back on the TV. He let his mind drift and daydream about his… no their future together and the future was looking clearer and clearer by the minute. He was happy despite everything that had happened he was feeling true happiness. He smiled. Yes, happy. That's what he was.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Thanks for reviews, follows, and favorites. This story has about four more chapters left to it.

The Muse

Chapter 23

Dean stared off into space. They had been in the waiting room for a while now. Families had come and gone during that time never really staying long and left them alone. The TV was still on, Michael had long stopped sitting and taken up walking through the halls, Gabriel was busy reading a book, Sam was doing some studying, Anna played on her phone, and as for Castiel well, he was propped up against Dean's shoulder sound asleep. Dean couldn't blame him for nodding off. Being in this room was well boring but he was going to stick out for Cas. He knew he was tough. He had watched the other man fall into a restless sleep and was happy when Castiel's face slowly eased into a calm and content expression. He carded his fingers in Castiel's hair and watched him sleep. He felt eyes on him. He slowly looked up to see Amara standing there a coffee cup in each hand.

Amara stared down at Castiel her expression fond. Dean had talked to her briefly when Castiel was seeing Chuck but it was more of a 'hi I'm Cas's boyfriend' than anything. He noticed that she shared his tendency to stare and wondered if this was a family trait. "He looks so peaceful in your arms." She spoke softly. Her smile was warm and motherly as she looked down at Castiel. From what Dean remembered Castiel had told him; his aunt had never had a family of her own. She was more career driven and occasionally was a foster parent. Dean knew that to her Castiel was her child and she was more of a mother than his actual mom. He had always wanted to meet her but probably under better circumstances. She held out the coffee cup. "I uh, brought his favorite coffee."

Dean nodded. He looked down at Castiel whose face made a twitch. He took the cup and sat it on the chair beside him. He figured Cas would wake up sooner rather than later. "Thank you." He said

She smiled and tilted her head slightly which reminded him of Castiel. "He's a lucky young man." She looked at Dean. "To have you I mean. Not everyone finds someone that cares for them so deeply." She sipped her coffee. "He told me about you and him and how you helped fix that clunker of a car that Chuck used to drive and how you support his art." She rubbed her arm. "His art is important to him, you know?"

"I know." He ran his fingers through Castiel's hair which made the other man grimace and make a soft groaning sound. "I do what I can for him. He'd do the same for me."

She gave a nod and looked to her other nephew and headed off to talk to Gabriel.

Dean let out a sigh and suddenly realized Castiel's eyes were open. "Afternoon." He said with a smile

Castiel set up and rubbed his eyes. "I didn't realize I was so tired." He murmured

Dean picked up the coffee cup and handed it to him. "From Amara."

He took it and smiled then yawned. "Any word yet?"

"No, I would have woken you up if there was." He watched Castiel take a cautious sip of the coffee and took in the small warm smile that formed across his face. Castiel had to have the most beautiful smile in the world. He felt his heart do little flips in his chest as he watched him drink his coffee.

Castiel looked at him eyebrow cocked. "And you say I stare too much." He teased

Dean chuckled. "Sorry I just… admiring your pretty face."

He smirked. "Oh?" He asked as he sipped his coffee. "Glad to know even after months of being together I have that sort of impact on you."

He laughed. "Well, get used to it I'll be doing it for years to come."

Castiel looked at him. His expression was shocked but hopeful. Dean realized what he had just said. 'Years to come' he's never made a promise like that to anyone. "Do," He started then stopped. "Do you mean it, Dean?"

He took in a breath and just went for it. He nodded. "Yeah, Cas, I mean it. Years to come… years however many you want to give me." He licked his lips. Here he was announcing his commitment to a man whose father was in the hospital as they sat in the waiting room waiting for any word. His heart pounded. There it was. He told Castiel that he wanted to be with him for as long as he would have him.

He gave him a warm smile. "I would like that very much, Dean." He looked away his face red as he looked over to the rest of the family sitting across the room. He glanced over at Dean his cheeks still red. "As long as you don't mind me staring at you either from time to time."

"Nope." He gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Stare away baby."

A woman walked into the waiting room with a chart in her hands. "Novak family? Family of Chuck Novak?"

Castiel straightened up like a rod was in his back.

"That's us." Gabriel said as he got up from his chair.

Anna put up her phone and said. "I'm going to find Michael."

The nurse (Dean assumed she was a nurse) nodded. "Come with me so we can talk in private." She walked out of the room.

Castiel gave Dean a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll be back." He placed his coffee in Dean's hand. "You can have the rest."

He left so fast Dean almost didn't realize he left. He blinked and Sam was beside him.

"I… heard what you said to him." Sam said he rubbed his arm in thought.

"Yeah?" Dean questioned

"So…" He tapped his foot. "You really meant it? You'd stay with him for years to come? Like as in a serious relationship?"

Dean sat there for a second and stared at Sam. Ready? Why wouldn't he be? "Why not, Sam, I love him. I love him so damn much." He felt his face grow hot. "I love him more than I ever loved Lisa or anyone else in my life. Am I nervous? Of course. I'm scared I might mess this all up and lose my chance at Cas but… Sam, I think… I think I found it… the one to spend the rest of my life with." He never said that about Lisa. Never thought that way about Lisa he just followed along with her because his parents made him feel like he was in love with her. Everyone always said they were a cute couple but he never saw a future with her or with anyone he was with. For once in his life, he can see a future with another person. He can imagine him and Castiel growing old together, Castiel painting lovely pictures, them holding hands at the park, working together on the house.

Sam smiled. "Wow, Dean, I'm glad to hear that. I'm so happy that you found the one, Dean." He walked up to him and hugged him. He patted him on the back roughly and Dean let out a laugh.

"Sam, you're not planning my wedding already are you?" he teased

"Maybe I am." He said as he let go. "Though I doubt Charlie would let me."

He laughed. He could remember as a child Charlie kept saying she was going to plan his wedding and make it the worst wedding ever just for the fun of it. "Yes, an awful wedding by Charlie Bradbury and Sam Winchester. You two could go into business together." He shook his head. "Though you might be jumping the gun here he may not even want to get married."

"True, but if he does I'm planning it." He teased. He picked up his textbooks and placed them in his bag.

Castiel walked back into the waiting area his eyes wide as he looked at them. "Dean." He started

Dean moved first and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "It's okay, Cas." He said

Castiel pulled away and smiled. "Dad's going to be okay. They managed to get the tumors cut out of him."

"Oh, that's good news." Sam said. He patted Castiel on the shoulder.

He nodded. "Yes. They said dad won't be awake for a while. They told us to go home. They will call Gabriel when he is ready for visitors."

Dean finished off his coffee. "Alright then. Let's get out of here then." He was glad to leave and glad to know that Chuck was okay.

"Can I bum a ride of off of you?" Sam asked. "I rode with mom and dad up here."

"Nah." Dean said with a wink.

The three of them left the hospital and walked to the Impala. Dean let Castiel in as he got in the driver's side. He started the car and backed out of the parking spot. They stopped and got lunch at a nearby diner. They ate in mostly silence. Dean couldn't help but notice how quiet Castiel was now. He didn't ask about it. He figured Castiel would open up when he was ready.

Dean dropped off Sam at their parents' place and drove up to their house. He parked the car and the day finally caught up with him. He let out a loud yawn as he walked into the house. No, their house. He looked over at Castiel. The other man was staring forward he looked like he was a million miles away. "Cas?" he asked. "Cas, you okay?"

He turned and looked at him and gave a nod. "Yeah, I'm uh, I'm good."

He took his hand and led him over to the couch. "Sit." He instructed and Castiel did just that. He sat beside him and kissed him on the neck. "It was a long day wasn't it?"

Castiel gave a nod. "I feel better that dad is out of surgery but… he could get sick again and…"

"Shhh, just relax, baby." Dean started to rub Castiel's shoulders. He was terrible at words he knew this so he was going to help him in any way he could. "Just relax." He whispered his lips near the shell of his ear. He worked down his shoulders and down his arms and started to rub his back. He watched Castiel's face go from tensed to relaxed. He smiled just the knowledge that he could make Castiel feel this good from his touch made him happy.

Castiel almost melted into his hands. "Dean." He moaned softly as he leaned into his touch

Dean gave him another kiss on the neck. "I got you baby. You and me, right here on this couch." He pulled Castiel closer to him and let his hands play out across his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too." He looked up at him his dark lashes nearly masking his blue eyes. "Thank you for everything. For going with me to the hospital and telling your family and… just being there for me." He kissed his lips softly.

They melted into the kiss both exploring one another's mouths like they had never kissed before. Castiel was the first one to pull away. Dean watched Castiel's face go through a mixture of emotions then tears started to slide down his face. "Cas? Cas what's wrong?"

Castiel let out a choked sob. "I'm fine." He rubbed his face. "I'm… I'm a little overwhelmed… dad's going to be fine. I get to have a relationship with him or at least try to and I got you and… I feel like the luckiest man alive."

Happy tears. Not something Dean has seen often. He pulled in Castiel's head and let him rest his face in his shoulder. He held him and let him cry. He would hold Castiel for as long as he needed him to. He had decided he was going to be in it for the long haul. He smiled as he watched Castiel ease into the hug. Yes, he could do this every day hold Castiel in his arms, watch him sleep; watch his expressive face work through emotions.

Dean found a movie on TV and left it on that. Castiel half watched at it as he was curled up against Dean. Time passed and Dean barely noticed as he held his boyfriend. He looked down at the man against his shoulder. His heart swelled with love. Dean was fairly certain he had never been this in love with a person in his whole life. He knew it he defiantly knew it he could spend eternity with this man holding him, kissing him, and making love to him and never grow tired of him. His wild hair, crazy smile, those dazzling blue eyes, and his quirky personality just made him perfect.

Castiel looked up at Dean and frowned a little. Even his frowns were cute. "Dean," Castiel started. He pushed himself away from him. "Can we talk?"

He felt a chill run down his spine. Needing to talk was never a good thing. No, needing to talk lead to break-ups. His palms sweat as he looked at Castiel whose eyes were shrouded by his dark lashes. He couldn't get a read on his face. Oh no. "Y-yeah, Cas." He stated

He let out a sigh and rubbed his arms. "I need advice."

"A-advice?" He didn't expect that.

"Yes."

"On what?"

He looked away then back at him. "Well, before they took dad back to surgery. We talked and he expressed interest in well… having a father-son relationship."

"That's awesome, Cas." He said then notice Castiel's frown deepen. Was that not what Cas wanted? "Is… is that what you want? A relationship with your dad?" He couldn't imagine how hard it was for Castiel. His parents got along okay, for the most part, they had their ups and downs and biggest down was when John crawled into a bottom of a bottle; that was a rough few years but after he sobered up things were pretty okay. They sometimes got on his nerves with their comments and questions but that was how parents where. At least to him anyway.

"I… I thought about it. I came back here to have a relationship with him. It was mostly for Amara. She told me about him being sick and said someone needed to look after him. She wanted us to bond and it's hard to bond with a guy you only had seen once a year for most of your life." He sighed. "To be honest, Dean, I hated my dad. I felt like he abandoned me. That he was useless and gave up but the more I think about the more I think he made the right decision." He sighed. "When I was a teen I was angry at him for sending me away and for separating me from my brothers. But, I realized he really wasn't equipped to deal with an angry teenager who was afraid of everything and everyone. Amara had training and experience." He smiled. "But to answer your question I think I would like to have a relationship with him. At least something better than what we have now. But… Dean, I don't know how."

"Don't know how?" he asked quietly. He had been there once before with his own dad. His heart felt heavy as his mind went back to that time.

He nodded. "Yes, Dean, I don't know how. We never really had a relationship. Growing up I would only see him maybe around Christmas and that wasn't until I got older. Amara would bring me around but I wanted nothing to do with him then. When we lived together we sort of just existed around each other. I stayed in my studio or upstairs and dad would watch TV or write. I know you and your dad don't always get along but what do you guys do?"

Dean gave him a soft smile. It would be tough. It was like starting over getting to know someone you had known years before. "First of all, I want you to know that I admire you for trying to have a relationship with your dad. Me and dad don't always get along. When dad was drinking… he drifted from us. He would," He rubbed his hands on his pants to get some of the sweat off his palms. "Come home angry. He never hit us not really unless we acted up. He would just pass out on the couch. We… me and Sam that is, started to spend more time with Bobby. He took us fishing, he showed me how to fix up a car, and he took us for hikes and to dinners. Once dad got sober there was a rift between us you know. I waited for dad to fail for him to drop the ball so I would go over to Bobby's and we would play catch and other things… one day I came home from school and dad had a fishing rod and told me we were going fishing. It was awkward. It's going to be awkward at first. Then eventually it wasn't so bad… then he took me up to the garage and we started to work on cars together. We bonded over that. Having a mutual goal in mind we bonded. I mean our relationship isn't perfect because dad can be a dick but we try."

He frowned. "So… your suggestion is we find common ground?"

"Yeah, you two could do something small like a puzzle or something. Gives you a goal, something to look forward to makes small talk easy and I know you hate small talk."

He smirked. "I do hate small talk." He wrapped up Dean in a warm hug. "Thank you, Dean."

"You're welcome." He kissed his forehead and Castiel's phone rang.

He answered it. "Hello?" he unwrapped himself from Dean and got up from the couch. "Already? I'm surprised. Okay. I'll meet you guys there." He put his phone up and gave Dean a gummy smile. "Dad is ready for visitors now." He picked up his tan coat nearby and put it on.

Dean got up to help him with it but Castiel already had it on. "Want me to come with you?"

He shook his head. "No, I appreciate the gesture but… I just want some time with him. If that's okay with you?"

He gave him a quick kiss. "Of course, baby. I'll see you when you get back."

"Thank you, Dean." He grabbed his car keys and Dean saw him to the door and waited until his car back out of the driveway.

Dean was surprised that Castiel didn't want him to come with him but he understood. Castiel needed time with his family. Dean decided to do some laundry since he had the time. He sorted and separated it and took down to the washer and dryer and got a load going. He walked back into the living room and got his textbooks. His finals were next week and he hadn't studied much. He opened up the book and started reading over his notes. A knot formed in his stomach whenever he thought about his future career. He remembered all the times his dad told him he was destined to be a car mechanic like him how going to college was foolish. He sighed. He needed to stop letting what his dad said to him get to him. There was a knock at the door that sent his thoughts right out of his mind. Who was it?

He got up and looked through the peephole to see much to his surprise his mother standing there. He opened the door. "Mom?" He asked as he looked at Mary

"Dean." She smiled warmly. She had a bag at her feet and one on her shoulder. "I brought some stuff over for you and Castiel."

He stepped away from the door and let her in. This felt weird. He usually went to his parents' house, not the other way around.

"Cozy." Mary said as she walked through the living room.

"Uh, thanks. I'm going to do some painting and other stuff later on…" he trailed off.

She stood in front of a picture and smiled. "So yeah the stuff," She held up the bags.

"Dining room is in there." He pointed at the room off from the living room.

She walked in there and he followed. She rested the bags on the table. "Okay, we need to get this stuff up." She pulled out containers out of one bag covered in aluminum foil. "I uh, told my friends about Castiel's dad being in the hospital. When we came home we were bombarded by food for him." She laid out the dishes. "A casserole, some soups, someone made macaroni salad."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Seriously? They gave us all that food." He sighed.

She smiled and pulled out one last item. "I also have pie."

"Pie? Ooh, now you're speaking my language." He reached out for the pie and she pulled it away.

"No, Dean, you have to share it with, Cas."

"Yeah, yeah, I wasn't going to eat it all." He looked at the food again and sighed. "How in the world did they make so much so fast?"

She looked at it. "I think some of them have food in the freezer and wait for something to happen I swear."

They took all the food and put it in the fridge. Dean smiled. "At least that answers one question, what to have for dinner tonight." He laughed. He looked back at the fridge. "You know… me and Cas are going to need help eating all this."

She laughed. "Dean, are you trying to invite us over for dinner?"

"If that's what it sounds like then yes." He laughed. He looked at the other bag. "So what was the other bag?"

"Oh," She walked up to it and picked it up. "I was doing some cleaning and found stuff I didn't need so I thought you guys could use it." She pulled out a sheet set that hadn't been used, a comforter, a few dishtowels, and a skillet. "Nice thing about having kids that live out of the house I can give them my unwanted household items. Saves me a trip to goodwill." She said with a wink.

He chuckled and took the stuff. "Thanks, mom… for you know everything." He gave her a hug.

"You're welcome." She looked at the fridge. "Though, I wasn't involved in that… I just figured you'd get maybe one food dish I didn't expect enough to have Thanksgiving with."

"Damn near Thanksgiving." He muttered

"So where is Cas?"

"At the hospital. Chuck was ready for visitors."

"You didn't go with him?"

"No, I think Cas wanted some time with his dad." He rubbed his arm. "It's… their relationship is complicated."

She gave an all-knowing nod. "Most relationships are. Are you two getting along well?"

"Yeah, it's been great. I like being in a house. I hated that apartment glad to be out of that place and I feel better with Cas. He's good company."

"I couldn't imagine living in this house alone."

"He said he got lonely. I could only imagine how his dad felt before Cas moved in."

"Well," She started as she picked up the empty bags. "I'm going to go so you can get back to studying."

"Noticed the books?"

She nodded. "Yes," She hugged him again. "Good luck with studying. Whenever you want to do dinner let me know, okay."

"How about tonight? You guys come over and we'll have at it and go after Thanksgiving part one in the fridge."

She laughed. "Okay, Dean." She patted his arm. "I'll see you later then."

Dean walked her to the door, once she was gone he headed back into the kitchen and got a slice of pie and went back to his studying. He focused on his notes and books and didn't even notice when Castiel walked through the door. He looked back over his shoulder. "Oh, I didn't expect you back already."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "I was gone for nearly two hours, Dean."

"Oh."

"I guess you were really into your studying." Castiel said as he shrugged off his tan coat. He spotted the plate on the table. "Dean, is that pie residue?"

Dean looked at the plate. "Yeah, uh," He sat down his books. "Mom stopped by after you left. She brought us food." He took his arm and led him to the kitchen and opened up the fridge. Dean had to keep himself from laughing when he saw how large Castiel's eyes got at the food.

"Oh my, they expect us to eat all that?"

"Well, I kind of invited mom and dad over to help us eat it…"

"Oh, well, that would be nice." He pulled out the pie and cut himself a piece. "But I'm also getting into the pie."

Dean laughed as he turned on the oven. He sent a text to his mom to come over. "How's your dad?"

"Dad is good but tired. That's why I came home. He wanted to rest."

Dean nodded and spent too much time watching Castiel eat his piece of pie. He put the food in the oven to heat up. He left the soup in there and decided they could have that for lunch or dinner tomorrow.

There was a knock at the door and Castiel left to get it. Dean pulled the stuff out of the oven and heard his mom and Sam talking to Castiel as they walked back into the kitchen. He looked over his shoulder at them. "Dad didn't come?" He asked. A twinge of hurt hit him.

"He was doing some work he's on his way." Mary said

Dean let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. Ever since the fight, they hadn't talked much. He didn't want to necessarily see his dad but he wanted him to accept everything as it was like how his mom and Sam had.

Castiel started to get plates out of the cabinet and Sam helped him set up the table.

Dean smiled to himself as he pulled out the casserole and made sure it was warm enough. First family dinner at his and Castiel's house. He looked to the dining room as Castiel pulled out a chair for Mary. It looked nice. It looked right. He realized if both families were going to dine together they were going to have to get a bigger table or at least one that they could add an extra bit to it. He brought the food to the table and there was another knock at the door.

Castiel got up to get it and came back in with John behind him who was actually looking a little sheepish.

John looked at Dean and nodded as he sat down. It was a greeting and a form of apology. John was not a man to apologize and neither was Dean. They would occasionally fight never talk about what happened and keep going. That was the Winchester way.

Dean pulled out a chair for Castiel and sat down beside him. John led them in grace and then they began to eat. They laughed and talked about mundane things. No heavy topics, no fighting, and no statements on how anyone should live their lives this was nice. Dean smiled as he watched them. This was a family. This was his family. He felt Castiel's hand on his knee and he looked over at his boyfriend who smiled at him warmly.

"This is nice." He whispered in his ear.

No, this was no longer just his family. This was their family and he looked forward to many more moments like this to come in their future.


	24. Chapter 24

The Muse

Chapter 24

Castiel sat at his desk in the office of the gallery. He had his to-do list in front of him and he was reading over it. His father had been out of the hospital for nearly two months now. Thanksgiving had come and gone as well as Christmas too. Castiel had opted to do Christmas with his family instead of the Winchesters but they had celebrated Thanksgiving together. The families did not come together for the holidays but Castiel suspected they just needed more time before that. It was January the new year had begun. He was in the middle of his second semester of art school and Dean was knee-deep in his second semester of classes.

Dean had taken on a bigger school load than Castiel had expected. His boyfriend seemed so tired and worn out half of the time. He feared he was pulling himself too thin now.

He let out a long sigh as he sat down his list. Tomorrow was the day his art class's artwork went up in the gallery. The adeptly named _New Year, New Artists_ display was a big deal for his school. He had many pieces to hang up along with nameplates and little blurbs about the up and coming artists.

He stared at his phone debating texting Dean to see how he was doing. As if on cue the phone went off. He snatched it up and unlocked it. Much to his disappointment, it wasn't Dean. Instead, it was a message from Mary.

_Cas I got the pie recipe. I think it's sweet of you to make this for Dean. If you can stop by the house and get it._

He texted her back a thank you and put the phone in his pocket. He had work to do. He got up from his desk and walked to the storage area where the new art was held. He had told Dean's mother that he had wished to make Dean something special for his birthday. Castiel was not much of a cook. He cooked at it as he put it if it wasn't instant or had short cuts he wasn't going to make it. Mary had taught him somethings about cooking in secret so he could prepare meals for Dean that he would enjoy. After all, he shouldn't expect Dean to handle all the cooking.

The art he needed was laid out on carts with labels ready to go just needed to hang up. He pulled the cart out of the back and set to work.

It was odd hanging up his fellow classmates work. He, in all honesty, hadn't really paid attention to his classmates work up until now. He had taken down the old art earlier that night so all he had to do was hang this work up.

He worked in silence being careful with each piece. He admired his classmates' work. A lot of them had talent and some in his opinion was better than his. Each piece went up along with the plaque with their name on it. It took some time but he got it all up. He walked through the gallery and admired his work. In his opinion, it was a wonderful display of their talents.

He let out a loud sigh and ran his hands through his hair messing up his already messy locks. He smirked when he remembered Dean telling him if he stopped messing with his hair all the time it might actually lay right. It was a nervous habit and he was nervous about tomorrow. This was a big deal. This was the first time his art would be laid out bare to others. Not many people had seen his art. His aunt had (as she encouraged him to go to art school), his father, and Dean and that were about it. He licked his lips and rubbed his hands together. This was it. His big chance. Do or die as it were. He needed to make a name for himself to sell his work he knew this.

He looked over his art and sighed again. His teacher told them; big names in the local art scene would be there and it was good to make an impression if they wanted to make a living out of this. Being as shy as he was; he was worried he wouldn't make much of an impression. He already had a nice outfit picked out for tomorrow that Dean actually picked out for him. His father had told him that first impressions were very important and this could be the beginning of his career.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he looked to see it was a message from his father.

_Looking forward to the big day? I know you're nervous but we'll be there with you_

He and his dad had slowly begun to bond after he had gotten out of the hospital. It took some time. With Chuck's weakened immune system it was a while before they actually left the house. They would every weekend get together and have breakfast. It was nice. His father had begun to write a series of children books and had wanted Castiel to do the illustrations for them. Castiel had agreed to do it. He had remembered Dean telling him that he bonded with his dad by working on cars together.

He texted his dad back

_To be honest. I'm scared shitless over it_

He was. It was a big deal and the more he thought about it and the more people around him talked about it the more nervous he got.

He put everything away and left the old art in the back. Some of it had been bought was going home to the owners some was to remain there but Kelly told him she would deal with it. He picked up his coat and put it on. Winter was in full swing out there.

Castiel got in his car and started his drive back home. He made a stop at the Winchester house to get the recipe. Dean's birthday was fast approaching. He knocked on the door and Mary answered.

"Castiel." She said with a smile. She stepped back and let him in.

He could hear the TV playing in the background and knew it was John watching TV. He and John rarely spoke to each other. After the dust-up at the hospital, Castiel was unsure of what to say to him. John was usually polite enough to him but still, it was awkward.

"Who is it, Mary?" John called from the living room.

"Cas. He's here to get the pie recipe."

"Oh." And with that John was quiet.

Mary led him to the kitchen. She picked up a cookbook and held it out to him. "Took me a while to find it. I haven't used this book in a long time."

"Thank you." He said as he took the book.

"So are you nervous about the big day tomorrow?" She asked her smile pleasant and warm

"Y-yeah, yes I am." He nodded.

"I understand. Well, we will be with you and Sam is coming in to see it too along with Eileen."

"G-good." He felt his face burn. Oh great, that's what he needed more people to judge his artwork. "Thanks again for the recipe." He said as he gave her a small smile.

She nodded. "You are welcome. Hope it turns out well." She gave him a small hug and Castiel left the Winchester residence

The artist made it to his and Dean's shared home. He tucked the book under the front seat. He would come back out and get it when Dean wasn't home. He walked up to his house and walked in. The TV was on but there was no Dean. "Dean." He called and no answer. He walked into the dining room to find Dean slumped over a book and sound asleep. He had fallen asleep while studying. This was not the first time it had happened.

He walked up to him and knelt down beside him. "Dean, sweetheart." He said softly as he gave him a gentle shake.

Dean grumbled and opened his eyes. "Cas?" he asked as he squinted at him with his green eyes. "What's up?"

"You fell asleep at the table again." He pushed away Dean's textbooks and stood up. Worry ate at him. Dean was really pushing himself this time. Last semester Dean had made mostly Cs in his classes. Although he did pass Dean was not happy with the outcome. Ever since then he has been pushing himself harder and harder in his school work. Castiel rubbed Dean's shoulders and placed a kiss on his neck which made enlisted a small noise from the back of Dean's throat.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't mean to fall asleep at the table." He let out a small yawn.

"You need to relax, sweetheart. All this stress is bad for you." Castiel whispered in his ear. He gave him a kiss on his cheek. He felt Dean's stubble on his lips as he kissed him.

"I know… but you need to relax too." He reached up and captured Castiel's face with his hands. "I know you are stressed about tomorrow."

Castiel let out a groan. "I wouldn't stress out about it so much if people didn't keep bringing it up." He sat in the chair beside Dean. "Sorry. I didn't mean to… get hateful."

He shrugged. "It's okay. You're, uh, a little… stressed." He ran his hands through his hair and gave his books a death glare.

"I guess we are both stressed then." Castiel said as he leaned back in his chair. He studied Dean. Dean's face went through a series of emotions most of which Castiel had never seen Dean express before. "Dean," He started but was cut off when Dean roughly pushed the book off the table. Castiel flinched at not only the sight of his boyfriend's outburst but the loud thud of the book as it hit the floor. His heart pounded he hadn't seen Dean act out like this before. He was afraid to speak he stared at him his mind racing. His body told him to flee but his heart told him to stay. Dean was clearly troubled.

"Sorry," Dean started. He buried his face in his own hands. He sat there quietly for a second before he spoke again. "I can't… I can't do this, Cas." He looked up at him. His eyes watery tears were streaming down his face.

"Dean," Castiel slowly reached out to him. He hesitated.

Dean looked away ashamed. "I'm… I didn't mean to I know I scared you." He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. "God, Cas, I don't… I really don't think I can do this." He pointed at the fallen book. "The more I read this the less sense it makes." He sighed. It was a sigh of defeat. "I'm starting to think dad was right." He looked at Castiel. Dean's eyes were full of pain and self-doubt. He looked down and mumbled. "I don't think I'm cut out for college."

"Dean." Castiel said. He reached out and took his hands. "Sweetheart, it's okay don't give up." He watched the tears trail down Dean's face. He knew Dean was having a hard time with studying. He had offered to help him but short of proof-reading his papers or asking him questions from the study guide, he couldn't offer much help.

He ran his hands over his face causing the flesh to grow redder than before. "I'm stupid, Cas."

"You are not stupid." He cupped his face. "Look at me, Dean." Very slowly Dean focused his green eyes on his blue ones. "You are smart, very smart."

"I'm not, Cas." He said. His tone was soft. "I'm not Sammy. Sammy was the smart one. Dad told me over and over he belonged in college and I belonged in the garage. I guess he was right. I need to just… give up… join the family business."

"Dean." He pleaded. He hated to see Dean go through the vicious cycle of self-hate. He got up and picked up the fallen book. "I hate when you are like this." He whispered.

Dean flinched and muttered. "Me too."

Castiel laid the book on the table softly. "Is it…" He licked his lips and hoped he chose the right words. "Is it just this one class?"

He looked over at the book. It was a psychology book. He glared at it. "I have to read three chapters after every class…" He looked up at him. "I feel like I'm the only one in class who doesn't get it. All the others they just seem to understand. Some of them," He pointed at the book. "Don't even read the damn book. Here I am trying and trying and the more I read the less sense it makes."

"Maybe you should drop the class?" He suggested

"I can't. It's a requirement for almost every degree they offer." He frowned. "And I'm still in gen studies." He rubbed his hands over his face again. "And here I was thinking about going into psychology and I can't even understand the intro class."

He frowned. "Well, Dean, you haven't been in this class that long maybe it gets easier later." He rubbed his arm. "But… you know Gabriel is in psychology… maybe he can help you."

He sighed. "Now there's a thought. Though I think I would be embarrassed to admit I'm having trouble."

He sat down again. "Why psychology?"

He chewed his lip. "Well, I thought maybe… you know… it would be easy." His face grew red with blush. "And I could help people like you… and maybe understand myself better." He shrugged. "And it seemed easy. But I don't think it's for me." He let out a groan of annoyance. "I have to decide my degree soon I'm almost done with basic classes and I'm still clueless about what to do." He ran his hands along the edge of the table fidgeting. "See if I just go into the family business I don't have to worry about these big decisions. I…" he looked at him and smiled softly. "I can take care of you."

Castiel considered telling him he didn't need to be taken care of. However, Dean's soften expression told him that this is what Dean truly wanted. He wanted to take care of Castiel to look after him. "But…" He started. "If you become a mechanic then you are admitting defeat. Plus, I thought you didn't really like doing it."

"It's not that I don't like it. I do enjoy it just rather it be a hobby. I wanted more out of life. I didn't want to spend every day under a car."

"You know, Dean, if you run the shop you don't have to be a mechanic. You could just run the shop."

Dean looked at him as if that thought had never crossed his mind. His mouth opened and closed. He looked over at the book then back at Castiel. The artist could see the wheels turning in his head. "I, you know I never thought of that." He smiled. "Thanks, Cas." He got up from the table and Castiel did the same. Dean wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a tight hug. He gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to go to bed. Want to join me?"

Castiel kissed him back. "I'm not tired yet. I'm going to watch some TV then I'll be along."

He let him go. "Don't stay up too late. You know how bad the bags under your eyes can get when you don't get enough sleep."

"I know, Dean."

Dean gave him another kiss and bid him goodnight.

Castiel sunk into his couch and turned on the TV and let his mind wander.

Castiel fidgeted with his suit again. He was standing in the art gallery. His name on a little sticker on his chest today was the day of the art show. He was nervous. Dean had come with him and planned on staying by his side to offer moral support.

"Stop fidgeting." Dean whispered to him

"Sorry, I just feel so weird in this jacket."

"It's because it fits and isn't a hoodie." Dean teased with a wink

"Shut up, I don't always wear hoodies." He spotted some people walking up to his artwork. He felt his back stiffen up.

"Relax." Dean whispered. "You want me to get you something to drink?"

"Yes please." He said with a nod

Dean walked off to the food table. The event had some light snacks, punch, and wine.

Castiel licked his lips and wished he had told Dean what he wanted.

"Castiel."

He nearly jumped out of his skin as he turned to see Mary standing there with John beside her. "Oh, you guys made it." He gave them a smile. "Glad to see you." His own family had already come and gone earlier that night.

She smiled and nodded. "We wanted to offer our support." She looked over at John who looked like he would rather be anywhere but there. She sighed. "Aren't we, John?"

He looked at her. "Oh, uh, yeah." He wondered away from them vaguely looking at the paintings.

She sighed. "Sorry, he's not much on this art stuff."

"I noticed." Castiel said. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked to see Dean offer him a glass of punch

"I was going to get wine but I think the last thing we need is you drunk." Dean said with a wink

He rolled his eyes and took the punch. "Thanks. This was actually what I wanted." He noticed Dean had a cup nearly full of shrimp. "Did you raid the food already?"

Dean shrugged as he put a shrimp in his mouth. He ate it and spoke. "What I was hungry?" He said his mouth half-full

Mary glared at him. "Dean," She hissed. "Behave yourself."

He swallowed. "I am."

"I'm going to check out your art." She said to Castiel and walked off.

Castiel looked over at Dean who was eating like he hadn't seen food before. He smiled. Watching Dean enjoy himself was its own reward. He spotted Sam walk in with Eileen but neither came over to talk to him. Castiel just watched the crowd and took a few shrimp from Dean. Castiel just had to stand by and wait for people to come to talk to him about his art. That was all he had to do. He was supposed to mingle but he wasn't very good at it. He tried to mingle when Gabriel and his father was there and walked into people and nearly knocked over a classmate. Since then he decided the best way to not embarrass himself was to stand nearby and watch for people who wanted to talk to him. So far he hadn't really had many takers. Some would come up and tell him they loved his work, some would look at Dean then realize that was who was in the paintings. He glanced over at Dean who was now chowing down on cocktail weenies on toothpicks. He rolled his eyes at him. "Dean, for my next art project I'm going to feature you eating."

Dean laughed. "What can I say? I like food."

"I noticed." He smiled. "Though I don't know how you stay in shape eating like that. If I ate like that I would put on like fifty pounds." He noticed Sam and Eileen walking towards them. "Hello, Sam and Eileen." He greeted them

Sam smiled. "Dude, your art is amazing. I think you have the best work here."

Castiel blushed. "No, I think my classmates are better."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I keep telling him, Sam. That is his art is way better and he doesn't believe me."

"Well, even if you don't, believe me, it's amazing." Sam said. He patted him on the shoulder. "They are getting a lot of attention. I think I overheard someone talking about buying one."

He blinked. "What really?"

"I'm serious. I hope you do make a sale." He smiled warmly.

Castiel excused himself from the group and walked over to the people around the paintings. He was careful not to crash into anyone. He stopped by his paintings.

"Are you Castiel?" A young woman asked

He looked at her. "Oh uh, yes."

"You're artwork is very lovely." She looked up at the one of Dean as an angel. "I really love this one…" She smiled. "If I may ask what is the significance of the painting?"

"Oh uh," He felt nervousness take over but squashed it. "The angel, he's my boyfriend, Dean. It represents how much I love him and how he… saved me." He rubbed his arm. He didn't want to go into details. He mentally sighed. If this had happened months ago he wouldn't be able to do this. Dean had helped him open up so much.

She nodded. "I really like it. I think it would look good in my office. Would you consider selling it?"

He looked at the painting. Truth was it was one of his favorites. It held the most memories for him, contained his passion towards Dean in it. He chewed his lip. "I… I…"

"If you don't want to I understand. It does hold personal value to you." She looked at a different one. His abstract painting that was done in all green. "How about this one?"

"That one I did when I first met Dean." He blushed. God, he really did base all of his work on Dean, didn't he. "His eyes are green so… I just went with it. It's the beauty of the color green."

"It is lovely. Would you be willing to sell it?"

He looked at her and nodded. "Yes, uh, yes I will sale that one."

"Great." She smiled warmly. She had a book in her hand and tore out a tag. She placed it on the name tag below the painting. She held out her hand and thanked him. She walked away from him.

He stood there shocked. He actually sold a painting. His heart swelled with pride. He grinned and couldn't stop himself. He walked back over to Dean and his brother. "Dean, Dean!" He shouted as he all but ran up to him. "I sold one of the paintings!"

Dean's eyes lit up. "Dude, sweet." He pulled him in for a hug. "Look at that. Little known artist and you sold a painting. Good job."

"Which one?" Sam asked

"The abstract in green."

Sam nodded. "It was a nice painting. I'd bought it if I had somewhere to put it."

Castiel was on cloud nine. His heart soared. He clung to Dean's arm as if afraid he would float away. He noticed Dean's parents approaching them. He smirked and half considered rubbing it in John's face that he sold a painting.

Mary smiled. "Cas, your artwork is very lovely. Everyone's work is lovely. This class has a lot of talent."

"Thank you."

Dean smirked. "Cas sold one of his paintings already."

Mary blinked. "Really? Wow, I'm surprised someone bought one already."

John gave a nod. "Congratulations, kid." He rubbed his arm and looked away. "So, uh, the one of the Impala…"

Mary rolled her eyes. "We really liked the one of the Impala. We want to buy it."

Castiel shook his head. "I can just give it to you,"

John interrupted him. "No, you worked hard on it. It isn't right for you to just give it to us. That car was mine before it was Dean's and I," he chuckled. "Son, I just got to have that painting."

"You two actually want to buy it?"

Mary nodded. "Well, we talked about it. We have a perfect spot for it and we do want it."

"I don't feel right… selling it to family you know." He looked over at Dean. He felt like he was seeking approval, after all, it was his parents.

"Ain't right just to take it. Plus I owe it to you." John said

Castiel gave them a smile. "Okay then. I'll sell you the painting." He pointed to Kelly. "She owns the gallery so talk to her about the sell."

They thanked him and walked off. Castiel's head was swimming.

"Shit, Cas, you just made another sale." Dean said as he finished off his last snack.

"I'm surprised and I also feel incredibly tired."

Dean patted his arm. "I know dealing with people isn't your thing but you did sell two paintings."

"I did." He smiled at him. "I did. I actually did." His heart swelled with joy and pride. "I'm officially a selling artist." He let out a sigh.

Dean leaned in. "How about when you and I get home we celebrate." He whispered in his ear and gave him a little wink.

"I think I would like that, Dean."

They held each other's hands throughout the rest of the exhibit. None of Castiel's other artwork got sold but Castiel was fine with that. They had gone home for the night. Though Castiel was tired he was more than willing to celebrate with Dean. Castiel pulled Dean into him the moment they walked through the door. Lips locked into a tango. They fought for domination with each other's mouths as they made their way into the bedroom.

Castiel pulled away long enough to say to Dean. "I love you."

Dean let out a panting sigh. "I love you too, baby." He grabbed a hold of his shirt. "But right now I want to celebrate us." He pulled him in for another big kiss.

The two of them fell to the bed, clothes where lost. Bodies explored as they gave into each other. Castiel was lost in the moment. Pure joy and ecstasy washed over him in these moments. He studied Dean and knew he would never grow tired of his lover. He wanted Dean and only Dean for the rest of his life. Even if Dean ate like a pig, and sometimes was filled with self-doubt he loved Dean and only Dean. He made his decision then and there he would ask Dean to spend the rest of his life with him. "I love you." He said as he curled up beside him after they had finished.

Dean murmured. "I love you too." As he buried his head in Castiel's chest.

Castiel felt his eyes drift shut as he tried to think out how to propose to Dean. Soon sleep took them both over as they fell into a heavy much needed deep sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

The Muse

Chapter 25

Dean untangled himself from his boyfriend Castiel. He looked at the man lying beside him who was sound asleep. His black hair wild and unruly curled up on his side he was the picture of adorable. Dean placed a small kiss on his cheek on his way out of bed. He got out his clothes for the day and looked back at Castiel with a smile. He was pretty sure Cas could sleep through anything.

He walked into the bathroom and got in the shower. He had a big decision to make. Well, several big decisions to make that is. He let the hot water rain down on him clearing his head. He let out a sigh and just relaxed in the shower.

Dean had to admit Castiel's idea for him to take over the shop was a good idea. He had never really thought about it before. To him, he felt like his dad wanted him to be a mechanic there not run it. But if he ran it he could hire people to work on the cars and he could manage the books and appointments and work on cars when he wanted to. He ran his hands through his wet hair. He smiled to himself. Castiel made him feel like he could do anything. He didn't make him feel stupid, he didn't tell him he was destined to do one thing and one thing only. Castiel saw him for what he was worth and Dean loved that. Hell, Dean loved that a lot.

He rinsed the soap off his body and got out of the shower and began to dry off. He knew then what he wanted to do. No, he had known for a while. He wanted to be with Castiel forever. To feel like this forever. He had been talking to his mother about it and Dean had planned to propose to Castiel in the near future. He sighed. His family knew already about his plans.

He got dressed and left the bathroom. He looked back into their bedroom at the sleeping Castiel who hadn't moved since he got up. He smiled again.

Dean headed on downstairs and out to his car. Castiel knew that he worked today so he knew he wasn't going to look for him. He started the car and made the drive to his parents' house. His dad's truck wasn't in the garage. Most likely John was already at the garage starting his workday. Dean walked up to the front door and knocked.

Mary opened the door coffee in hand. "Morning, Dean, I got coffee for you." She stepped back and let him in.

"Thanks, mom." He said. He made his way to the kitchen where his mom had a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him. He sat down at the table and gave the coffee a sip. "Did you find it?"

She nodded. She sat down her mug and opened a cabinet drawer. She sat down the case on the table. "Here you go."

He smiled and picked up the ring case. He opened it up and looked at the silver ring. "God, I haven't seen this thing in years."

She picked up her mug. "I was surprised when you left it when you moved out."

He nodded. It was a simple ring for the most part. He had gotten it years ago when he was sixteen. He had used his birthday money that year to pick it up. He had wanted the ring really bad as a teen thinking it was the coolest thing ever. He wore it for about year then stopped when he almost lost it when working on his car. He had asked his mom to hang on to it for him when he moved out because he was worried about losing it or something. He looked at it and smiled again. It was like he had known the whole time that he was going to give this to Cas. "You think… you think he'll like this?" He asked as he looked up at Mary

Mary smiled behind her mug. "Yes, of course, Dean." She set her mug down. "He'll love anything you give him." She looked away and sighed. "Dean, are you sure about this? Marriage is a big thing, honey, and it's not something you should just rush into."

"Mom," he sighed. "I'm sure. I have never been surer of anything in my life." He picked up his coffee cup and down the coffee in one drink. "I love Cas and I want to be with him for the rest of my life." He sat down the empty mug. "I mean it."

She nodded. "Okay, Dean." She reached out and patted his hand. "I'll support your decision no matter what."

"Thanks, mom."

She smiled. "That's what moms are for, sweetie."

He sighed. "Did you tell dad?"

She shook her head. "No, but I think he knew. I mean, you made it pretty obvious in the past."

He chuckled. "True." He sighed. "Mom, I… think I know what I want to study in school now."

"Oh really?"

He nodded. "Me and Cas were talking last night and he suggested I consider running the shop instead of being a mechanic there." He rubbed his arm. "So, I'm thinking about going into business. Maybe, maybe I can take over the shop and make it into a bigger business."

She rested her arms on the table. "I am happy to hear that, Dean." She took his hand. "Your father and Bobby worked so hard to start the garage. They poured so much time and money into it and just knowing it's going to stay in the family is just amazing." She wiped at her eyes. "See now you've gone and made your mother tear up." She said with a forced laugh

"Oh, mom." He got up and walked over to her and hugged her.

"I'm proud of you." She said into his shoulder. She regained her composure. "So when do you plan on proposing?"

"I'm not sure yet. Figured I would do it when the time felt right." He picked up the ring case and put it in his pocket. "Well, I got to go to work. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Dean." She said

He left his parents' house. He got in the car and stuck the ring in his glove box. He started his drive to the garage. Led Zeppelin played in the car. He felt calm. Hell, he felt right. Felt the best he had ever felt in years. He pulled in and parked the car. He got out and headed into the office where Bobby was. "Morning, Bobby." He said as he sat down at the desk.

"Morning, Dean." He grunted as he read the paper

"Is dad here?"

"He's out getting doughnuts and parts." He sat down the paper. "Something on your mind?"

He sighed and rubbed his arm. "Well, two things. I'm going to ask Cas to marry me, and… I want to take over the shop. I'm going to go into business."

Bobby jerked his head up from the paper. "Are you serious, boy?"

"Yeah, dead serious. I got the ring for Cas already and tomorrow I'm going to go to the admissions office and sign up for a business degree."

Bobby sat for a second staring at his newspaper. He suddenly stood up.

"Bobby?" Dean asked his heart dropped to his stomach. What if Bobby was upset with him?

He walked over to him and gestured for him to stand up.

With shaking legs Dean slowly rose from his chair. "Bobby," His sentence was cut short as Bobby flung his arms around him and gave him a big bear hug.

"Thank God, son. I'm so glad you want to take over." He patted him on the back. "I wanted to keep this garage in the family." He pulled away and looked at him in the eyes. "And marriage? I didn't think I would live long enough to see your fool ass get married." He patted him on the shoulder. "This is the best news I've had all week."

Dean let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "You scared the shit out of me, Bobby. I thought you were pissed off at me or something."

Bobby shrugged. "Sorry, not used to getting in touch with my feelings." He backed away and gave Dean some space. "So marriage? Are you sure about that?"

He nodded. "I'm very sure about it, Bobby. I… I'm going to sound sappy when I say it." He looked at him as if asking for permission. He knew Bobby wasn't one on 'chick flick' moments.

"Feel free to sap away, Dean."

"I have never been in love as much as I am with Cas. I have never been surer of anything in my life." He rubbed his arm. "I doubt everything all the time. My own decisions, I always look back on them with regrets thinking on how I could have done it differently or something but not this. This I know for certain; no doubts, no second-guessing. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. He brings out the best in me."

Bobby gave a nod. "Sounds like you are sure about this."

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to use my old ring from high school I hope he likes it."

"I'm sure he will," Bobby's eyes went wide

Dean looked over his shoulder to see what Bobby was looking at. Facing him was his father. "Dad?"

John licked his lips and sighed. "So… you are really doing this?"

"Yeah." Dean said. His voice was firm he straightened up to show to his dad he was standing his ground. He wasn't backing down. "You got a problem with it?"

John looked at Bobby. "Can you give us a minute?"

Bobby shot him a dirty look. "Sure." He huffed and left the office.

"Dean," John started

"Don't start with this." Dean huffed. "I have told you over and over again. I love Cas." He balled his fists. "Why can't you see that?"

He shook his head. "I see it, Dean. When his dad was in the hospital you stayed by his side, and when we had dinner together," He smiled. "Dean, I have never seen you so happy in my life." He reached out and patted his shoulder. "I know I've had issues with your relationship but I support you. I had thought it was just you know a fling or you were experimenting but once I saw you two together I see it. You love him."

Dean smiled at him. "Dad, I'm glad I finally have your support."

"And his art isn't half bad either." He chuckled.

"I also…" he sighed. "I have more news. Dad, I want to take over the garage."

His eyes widened. "What? I thought that you didn't want to do this for the rest of your life?"

"I know you wanted me to be a mechanic… but I want to run the shop. I don't want to be a grease monkey I want to keep the business going."

He smiled. "Dean, I… what on Earth made you change your mind?"

Dean had half expected his dad to tell him he couldn't run the business but evidently, John was feeling generous. "Cas he got me to change my mind. I was freaking out about what to do in the future and well he suggested I run the garage instead of being a mechanic."

John smiled again a genuine smile. "Dean, I'm happy to hear that." He looked away and sighed. "Dean, I'm sorry."

He let out a small sound that he didn't recognize. "What?"

He looked at him again. "I said I'm sorry." He sighed. "I know that I'm not the best dad out there. I know that I upset you the last time we actually stopped and talked. So I want you to know I am sorry for fighting with you."

Dean paused. He licked his lips. He was tired of fighting with his dad. Tired of just doing what his dad wanted him to do. He had conflicted feelings but in the end, all he wanted his dad to be proud of him. "It's okay." He said softly

John nodded and patted his shoulder. "Come on we got work to do."

Dean nodded. His heart swelled in his chest. His father actually apologized for his behavior and Dean couldn't be happier.

Castiel woke up sometime after Dean had left. He let out a loud yawn and got out of bed. He didn't work today. He asked for the day off he had plans today. Big plans. He made up his bed and headed to the shower. He showered quickly and got dressed.

He headed downstairs and made himself a cup of coffee. Dean one day had gone out and got them a single cup coffee maker so Castiel could get his caffeine more quickly. He took a long-needed sip of his coffee and let it fill his bones. He sighed into the warmth of the coffee. He dug out the recipe book he had. He was glad Mary lent him the book so he could make Dean a pie. Dean's birthday was that weekend and Castiel wanted to make him something special for just the two of them. He jotted down the ingredients. He had a recipe card that Mary had given him as well for something she called Winchester Surprise. He frowned at the ingredients. It was a good dish as long as you didn't think too hard about what was in it.

He headed outside of his house and got in his car. His first stop was a little shop that was beside Rowena's that sold odd jewelry. He and Dean had stopped in when they visited Rowena a few weeks ago. He hoped what he wanted was still in there. He pulled up to the little shop and walked in. He looked and walked up to the front counter.

"Can I help you?" The older woman behind the counter asked

"Yes." He pointed at the chain in the glass cabinet. "I'm interested in purchasing this."

She pulled out the necklace. "That will be fifty dollars." She smiled. "Weren't you in here with your boyfriend recently?"

He nodded. "Yes, Dean really liked this necklace… I plan on proposing to him with it." He rubbed his arm. "I know most people do rings but Dean works as a mechanic and rings just get in the way."

"It's the gesture that matters not the jewelry." She rang him up and he handed her the money. "Wish you a long happy marriage."

"Thank you." He said with a smile. He left the store. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. He got in his car and stared at the necklace in hand. What if Dean didn't want to be married? What if he said no? What if he didn't love him? He shook his head to knock lose those bad thoughts. He had to stop thinking like that. He ran his hands through his hair. Dean loved him. He knew that. Dean loved him more than anyone else had ever loved him. Dean got him to take down his walls and let people in after years of keeping his heart sealed away. He sighed and started his car. He knew what he was doing was right… at least he hoped so.

He drove to the grocery store and got all the foodstuff he needed. He made his way back home. Doubt ate at the back of his mind. Doubt which he tried to keep silent by keeping busy. He had some time before Dean would be off work. It would take a while to make the pie plus it needed to cool so he started with it first.

Castiel had chosen to make Dean an apple pie. It was one of his favorites. He got out the pie crust and the apples he had purchased. He was not much of a cook and didn't want to jump into making a pie crust by hand and risk ruining it. The apple filling was fairly simple to make, however. He started to pile the apples then cut them. He mixed everything then poured it into the pie. He placed the top half of the crust on and folded in the edges and stuck it in the oven. He let out a sigh and made a silent prayer that it would turn out good.

He sat at the table with a book. He did not trust himself to go too far from the oven fearing he would burn the pie. He learned his lesson when he made Christmas cookies. Leaving the kitchen resulted in burnt food. He tried to focus his mind on his reading but his mind was elsewhere. He worried about how the food would turn out. Worried what Dean would say when he proposed. He worried about the future. He let out a loud sigh and made himself focus on the book.

Time slipped away. Suddenly his nose was filled with the smell of pie. He jumped up. He had forgotten about the pie. He took it out of the oven. It was baked a lovely golden brown. He smiled. It was perfect. He sat it out to cool and started working on the Winchester surprise.

Winchester surprise was an odd dish. Dean made it for him a few times, and Mary had even made some for a family dinner. Mary had told him it was what happened when she had to feed a hungry family and there was only so much in the kitchen. It was a dish made of slapped together ingredients. Made from what was found, leftovers and remaining items that didn't form a complete meal. But most importantly it was made with love. There wasn't an exact and complete recipe but general guideline as to what went in it.

He started a pot of water for noodles. He got it to a good boil and poured in the noodles in the pot. The meat was an important part of the dish. Sometimes it was hamburger, a few times bologna, and maybe chicken if you had any around. He selected hamburger for this version of it along with bacon to crumble on the top.

He fried the ground burger in the skillet. Once it was good and browned he drained the grease. He got out a package of bacon and started to fry it in a different skillet. He topped the hamburger with cheese. Once the bacon was done and burnt he chopped it up and added it to the top of the mess before him. Heart attack in a skillet. He frowned. He was going to have to watch what Dean ate in the future as he liked his foods fatty with a side of grease.

He drained the noodles and placed them on plates. He added the meat on top and boom he had a meal. He sat the plates on the table. He got candles and lit them. He got both of them beer. He smiled as he checked himself in the mirror. Everything was perfect.

Castiel heard the door unlock then open.

"Honey, I'm home!" Dean called. "Do I smell pie?" He asked as he walked into the dining room. "Oh, you made dinner."

This was one of the few rare times Dean didn't come home filthy and Castiel was glad. He walked up to him and smiled and pulled back a chair for Dean. "Welcome home." He said as he placed a kiss on Dean's cheek.

Dean sat down his eyes stayed on him. "Yum, Winchester surprise. What's the occasion, Cas?"

"Celebrating your birthday early." He said. It was half true he wanted to make him something special for just the two of them since his family had planned a get-together that weekend.

Dean smiled. "Well, thank you."

The started to eat and Dean spoke up again. "So after our conversation, I made a decision." He sat down his fork and folded his hands in front of his face. "I am going to keep the family business going. I'm going to get a degree in business." He smiled. "I had never really considered it but… I gave it some thinking and yeah, it's what I would like to do. I don't have to be a mechanic I can run the damn place. Make it a bigger place than it ever has before."

"That's wonderful, Dean. Was your father pleased to hear this news?"

He nodded. "Y-yeah. He's pleased about that." He rubbed his arm as if something else was on his mind but Castiel did not press. Dean ate his meal and even got a second helping. "Cas, I think this is the best version of this I have ever had." Dean said with a grin.

Castiel felt his heart swell with pride. He smirked and said. "Guess that makes it Novak surprise then?" He asked with a wink

He chuckled. "No, it's the same thing just slightly different." He teased.

After Castiel got his own second helping and the two of them finished eating the necklace in his pocket suddenly felt heavy. There was a reason for this dinner and it wasn't just to celebrate Dean's birthday. "Dean," He started

"Pie time?" Dean asked with a grin.

Castiel let out a sigh. "Not yet…" he felt his heart pound. He felt dizzy for a second. He was excited and scared to death at the same time. The world around him didn't matter. He didn't plan a speech. Planning never worked out for him so he went on instinct. He got out his chair and he started speaking just letting the words fall from his mouth. "Dean, these last few months have been some of the happiest in my whole life. I spent my life afraid of other people ready to just be alone for all of it. Then you came along and," he laughed. "Helped me when my dad's car broke down. Hard to believe a chance meeting like that would lead me to grow as a person but it did." He pulled the box with the necklace out his pocket. "Dean, I love you. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my husband?"

Dean blinked and looked at the necklace. A smile formed then he started to laugh.

Rejection hit Castiel like a ton of bricks. His eyes filled with tears. No. Dean didn't want him. He covered his face and started to sob. Everything hurt.

Dean gasped. "Oh, Cas," he got up and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "I'm sorry I wasn't laughing at you." He said in his hair as he pulled Castiel to his chest. "I was laughing because well."

Castiel felt Dean push him away and place something in his hands. He looked down at the small box in front of him. He looked at Dean. "Dean?"

"Just open it."

He opened it to see a silver ring in it. He blinked then chuckled. "You mean that?"

"I was going to propose later. I was surprised that you beat me to it. I didn't mean to laugh at you."

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and covered his lips with his. The two of them kissed each other over and over until they needed air.

They were still close to each other when Dean spoke again. "That was mine from when I was a kid. Sorry I didn't get you a new ring but,"

"Dean, it's perfect."

"May I?" He asked as he took his hand.

Castiel nodded as Dean took the ring out of the box and slid it on his finger. He smiled at it and admired it. It was beautiful. He picked up the necklace out of the box. "Here I'll put this on you."

Dean turned around and Castiel clasped the necklace on. Dean looked at it. "Hey, it's that one I liked at that store." He turned back around to face Castiel. "Thank you. I love it." He leaned in and gave him a long firm kiss. "And I love you."

"I love you too, Dean." He sighed. He looked at him and smiled. "You didn't answer my question though."

Dean frowned then laughed. "Oh, I thought it was obvious. Yes, Cas, I will marry you." He smiled. "Will you be my husband, Castiel Novak?"

He smiled. "Yes, Dean, thousand times yes."

They kissed again. The two of them held each other and reveled in the moment. It was going to be like this forever. The two of them by each other's side. Supporting one another for better or for worse through whatever may come their way. They were prepared to face it together.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N:** Congratulations! You have made it to the last chapter. I want to thank all who have favorited, reviewed and, followed. A special thank you to Guest reader Kathy. If you all enjoyed this story I have other Destiel stories on here and I have some more projects in mind so stay tuned.

The Muse

Epilogue

Dean stood in his office. A proud smile was on his face. He straightened the painting in front of him. It was the painting of him as an angel. It was a personal favorite of his and he was thankful that Castiel chose not to sell it. Through much discussion he finally got Castiel to let him hang it up in his office. He loved it. It offered him comfort and made him feel as though Castiel was by his side.

The two of them had been married for about two years now. They got married the summer the year they proposed to one another. Dean didn't have a single doubt in his heart about Cas but his family wanted to be one hundred percent sure before he signed on the dotted line. He had graduated with a Bachelors in business. It had been long grueling years but with Castiel supporting him Dean managed to do it. And Dean had never been more proud of himself. He had set out to do something that others didn't think he could do and he did it. He passed and got his diploma which also hung proudly on his office wall.

He worked under his dad and Bobby for several months learning the ropes. Once he got better about it John and Bobby slowly eased back their workload. The two of them did eventually retire but they still liked to hang around the garage and talk with Dean.

Dean had taken over smoothly. He hired more mechanics: a young man named Garth, a Louisianan named Benny, and a young woman named Meg. They were good mechanics and hard workers. Having new faces he was able to get more business. Soon their workload had increased from what it was beforehand. Dean surmised he might have to hire another mechanic at this rate.

He looked at his clock. It was almost lunchtime so Castiel would be arriving shortly to have lunch. They had gotten into the pattern of having lunch together, especially after Dean realized the new employees could care less about him being married to a man. He figured if they had a problem with it they knew where the doors were but none of them seemed to care.

There was a knock at the door and standing there was the skinny man named Garth. "Hey, your husband is here." He said

"Okay, good." Dean said.

Garth got out of the door and Castiel walked in carrying a bag from a burger joint.

"You do know you can just come in right?" Dean asked as he gave Castiel a warm kiss.

"I know but it's your place of business."

"Our place of business." He corrected as he took the bag of food and sat at his desk

Castiel closed the door and sat down across from him. "The invite for Sam's wedding came in today."

"Good." Dean said. Sam and Eileen were going to get married in a few months. Eileen had wanted to wait until graduation but Sam, on the other hand, wanted to do it sooner than later. It took a great deal of compromise and discussion but they decided to go through with it.

The two of them ate quietly. Once they were done Castiel got up from his chair. "I hate to eat and run but I got some work to do today."

Dean smiled and nodded. "It's okay, baby." He got up and kissed him long on the lips. "We got all our lives." He whispered to his lips and gave him another hard kiss.

"Keep it up and I won't leave this office, Dean." Castiel teased

Dean laughed and opened the door for his husband. "I'll see you later, babe." He said as he left.

"Later, sweetheart." Castiel said

Dean went and sat back behind his desk. He was so happy with how everything had seemed to fall into place. If anyone would ask him he would dare say his life was perfect and it was all thanks to Castiel.

Castiel drove to his father's place. He smiled. His painting looked great in Dean's office. He was glad that Dean loved it so much. Castiel had been working hard to make it in the art world. He had gotten a few breaks. Several of his paintings had sold. He was able to rub elbows with art dealers while he worked at the gallery which helped him greatly. He didn't work at the gallery as much now. With his art selling and Dean's garage turning a profit he had decided to cut back on his hours to focus on his work.

He had a new project now. One that he loved very much. He stopped at his father's place and went in as Chuck expected him. After the near scare with cancer all those years ago Chuck was cancer-free. Once all of his scans came back negative and he got better he moved out of Gabriel's place and into an apartment. Castiel had offered to give him back his house or at least a room and Chuck had politely refused stating that he had gotten in the way of enough of his sons' married lives. "Dad!" He called as he walked in.

Chuck was on the couch on the phone. "Well, kids tend to do that." He laughed. "You did it. Listen Cas is here I'll talk to you later, bye." He hung up the phone and smiled at Castiel. "Michael was having a hard time with Hannah this morning."

After Castiel had gotten married, his brother Michael and his wife Anna welcomed in their first child into the world little Hannah. Castiel liked Hannah and if you asked Hannah she would say her favorite uncle was Castiel. "Oh?" He asked as he sat beside his father. He pulled out the project out of his bag and handed it to him.

"Yeah, she's refusing to wear pants today." He laughed. "I'm glad you guys are grown." He said as he looked through the artboards.

Castiel had started to do little projects with his father. At first, it was doing art for his books. Chuck wrote a children's book after he learned he was going to be a grandfather and Castiel did the illustrations. During their time working together, they got to know one another better and they discovered a mutual love for comic books. While Castiel still loved manga he had an appreciation for Western comics. He had many copies of Ironman and The Flash comics in his collection. Once he and his dad started to talk about it about Castiel had admitted he wanted to do his own. And thus the project was born. Castiel had never thought of himself as much of a writer so the plan was Chuck did the story part of it and he did the art. They were almost done with their first one and Chuck's publisher was already interested in it.

Chuck got up from the couch and walked over to his desk and Castiel followed. They both pulled up a chair. "Okay, let's get started on this."

Excitement rolled through Castiel. Working on this project with his father was amazing. He had never thought in his life that they would ever bond over anything and here they were bonding over a comic. He smiled to himself. He could almost describe his life as perfect now and it was all thanks to Dean helping him open up and supporting him throughout all of this. He grinned yes his life was perfect and he had the perfect husband as well.

The End


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